May 31, 2012

32 weeks and counting...

Oh my nerves...

During your first pregnancy, everything's so new to you and the time seems to fly by and you're just so excited about passing every week that you take weekly photos to "track your progress" that, btw, you will never look at again until you SHOULDN'T look at them (i.e. during your second pregnancy) because they make you want to crawl into a hole and hide for your third trimester.

During your second pregnancy... you're. over. it.

On the same visit to my girlfriend's the other day (who just had her second baby boy), first thing I said when she bent over to put the little guy in his bouncer was "oh my God, how much do you love being able to bend over again?" I cannot bend over. It hurts every part of me.

I can't breathe. It feels like I'm constantly doing a crunch (and I don't do crunches because I hate them). This baby is SO HIGH right now that I've convinced myself he/she is a vampire baby and will break all of my ribs in the next kick (if you're not teenager enough to have read Twilight, you have no idea what I'm talking about). Sometimes it's so uncomfortable I try to sit up straighter, only to realize, I'm as straight as possible!

I ate almost ONE piece of pizza for lunch today... one, thin crust piece of mushroom pizza (barely any cheese) and I couldn't finish it because there's no room in my stomach for food. Somehow, miraculously, however, at night this is not the case... go figure?!?!

I shaved my legs in the tub tonight. It was hell. I'm pretty sure I cut off oxygen supply to the baby for at least the full five minutes it took to shave the bottoms of two legs as it was literally as if I was lifting 100 lb barbells... you know how you hold your breath when you're lifting something really heavy, or when your doing any sort of really hard labour. That's how I shave my legs. It's hard labour.

I'm still itchy all over. My face seems to be getting better but then my eyebrow spot starting itching again today so I'm sure I'll look like death again tomorrow morning. My belly rash is mostly gone all but for one spot on my right side that refuses to depart and annoys the heck out of me. Recently, the skin on my upper arms, right above both elbows, started itching insanely but only in the middle of the night... this I love and is not annoying at all.

My pregnancy update for 32 weeks... first sentence... "no wonder you're starting to feel huge". Awesome. So, it's not just me.

I've convinced myself this baby is going to be a 10 pounder as the child seems to span from love-handle-to-love-handle. I literally feel a kick in my right love handle (which I never experienced with Jane, never so far over) and then feel the ricochet of it's bum or head or something in my left love handle. Which convinces me I'm going to have the child who never sleeps because, it literally seems like that's the case. I'm hopeful that the fact that I notice so much movement during the day means that the baby is right on the perfect schedule of sleeping during the night... ha ha ha. I'm joking. I'm not that stupid.

This is my favourite paragraph of this weeks pregnancy email:
It's hard enough to get to sleep when you're pregnant without worrying about whether you're disturbing your partner too. Follow our tips for a safe night's snooze. If you're concerned that sex in the final months will harm your baby, stop worrying. For most women, sex during pregnancy is fine right up until their waters break and may even help jump-start labour,if the baby's overdue. So go for it! 

Yes, b'y. (1) As if I care whether I'm waking Dan up or not. He's the lucky one who doesn't have to be fat, uncomfortable and gets to be same-old-same-old, least he can do is keep my grumpy arse company at 3 in the morning. (2) I'm not concerned about sex in the final months, because I've put myself on "pelvic rest". Have you heard of this? This might be the most important thing you read today... "pelvic rest". Apparently, if you have some sort of crappy pregnancy issue, your doc will put you on pelvic rest... which means you have a medical reason for not having sex. I've put myself on pelvic rest and am hopeful I can convince my doc to write me a note recommending pelvic rest for the first 6 months post-partum! :p ha ha ha. Feel free to let your partner know your doc has put you off on pelvic rest after your next docs appt. Your welcome. :) Although, I will force Dan to make woopy in the two weeks leading up to baby's due date. It worked last time! :)

Here's my 32 week pregnancy comparison from preggers numero uno to now... and, yes, I took the time just now to transpose the photos together to see if I was bigger or smaller in the belly this time vs. last. Here's the shocking news. I'm smaller. There are miracles! I should have taken a front on picture of my arse for both cases so I could compare those two things because I'm pretty sure I would not have the same pleasant result and I own that s*** happily.

I'm out of town tomorrow night for work so won't be able to complain... lucky you. :p xoxo

May 30, 2012

daycare, guilt & getting over it

When we originally decided to get preggers with baby number two, we planned to switch Jane from full-time daycare to part-time when I was off on mat leave. Two reasons - mainly, $$$, secondly, guilt? Thinking about being home with the baby, I felt like I should also allow Jane to have some time with me as well.

Well. We changed our minds. We saved our money and I know it'll be worth every penny.

We're keeping Jane in daycare full-time while I'm off on mat-leave and the more I discuss it with other moms, other new moms of two (or more) and the more I think about it, the more I know (FOR US) it's the right thing for everybody.

I visited a girlfriend yesterday who's second little man is three weeks old. First of all, and this is a telling story (that anyone with one child can relate to, let alone two), I get to the front door and there's a note on it "Jen, come on in!". It was like WAKE-UP-CALL. I forgot about the days where, because of nursing, I couldn't get the door, answer the phone, pee on demand (see To Pee or Not To Pee). Sure enough, I find my friend on the couch, nursing her new sweetie pie. The house is calm. The music is soft and low. The house is exactly how I had my house when Jane was first born... quiet, soothing, warm, fantastic. So my first question is... where's her older son (who's 2 and a half). Daycare. She tells me he's staying in full-time. HALLELUJAH. It was like all my questions answered and, I think, a relief for both of us to agree that, for our families, it's the best thing. I looked around, while she nursed, and thought... hmmmm.... if her son was here, he'd be freakin' BORED OUT OF HIS MIND and, likely, watching TV or playing with the computer or, basically, having to keep himself busy/occupied right now because Mommy had other things to do... which, we all know, often leads to one of two things: a tantrum at the most inopportune time or severe-mommy-guilt, or... both.

Here's the thing. Jane LOVES daycare. Are there days where she clings to me and doesn't want me to leave... yeah. She also tells me she's "sick" like every night before bed... tonight her "foot was sick" because she wants to stay awake and have time with me (master manipulators I tell ya). But, every day, no fail, it takes me 5-10 minutes to get her to leave because she wants to play more. And, y'all have already heard my thoughts on how great daycare is for Jane so to think about her sitting around the house, having to occupy herself all the time (especially during those first few, unpredictable, exhausting weeks), would kill me. Jane's very independent. But there's a difference between independence and not being able to be there and be present for her. So, there's the first argument FOR full-time daycare for us... Jane loves it and it's SO GOOD for her. Side thought: Sometimes people feel guilt because, essentially daycare plays a significant role in "raising" your child. Here's the thing. I'm OK with that. I'm OK with someone else influencing my child and impacting who she will become because here's a nearly unbelievable thought... I ain't perfect. :p I don't want Jane to be just like me. I annoy myself at times. I have weaknesses... and even some of my strengths, I don't wish on her sometimes!

Second argument. It's good for me. Anyone who's had a baby knows that it's tiring and all completely out of your control. So, basically, the same as having a toddler sometimes. :p Mostly during those first few 6-8 weeks (or 6 months if you're being really honest), life is a big beautiful blur. I am planning, especially during this time, to keep things routine for Jane and keep her trucking along to "school" with daddy every day... so that I can focus on getting myself and baby up-to-snuff again.

I'm thinking, after the first 6-8 weeks, I will probably keep Jane home from school here and there... maybe once or twice a week. We'll probably get her enrolled in gymnastics or something. But, here's the benefit of keeping her in full-time, I can plan which days to keep her home based on what's makes the most sense that week. For example, keeping her home from school the day after baby and I have been up all night teething... maybe not the best idea for anyone. :p

Here's what bugs me... judgement. ARGH, you know how much I hate judgement. We all do it, yes (it's human nature), but SERIOUSLY people, you don't need to be an oscar-winning-actress, but can't you try a little HARDER not to be such an ass! How many times in this post did I say "for us", "for our family", "for her" or "for Jane". Why do I do that? Because I know families who take their kids out of daycare altogether and, you know what, they love it and it works for them. I don't care what ya do! And, I know not everyone has the ability ($$) to keep their kids in daycare full-time while they are off work... for us, it was always in the plan to at least keep Jane in part-time, and we've saved and worked our arses off to be able to do so. So, don't dare judge me for that! But, what I've heard from some of the moms who've kept their kids in school, part or full time, is that some other mommas are givin' 'um the guilt trip. Give. Me. A. Break. People.

I've often said that working makes ME a better mom. When I pick Jane up from school at the end of the day and on our special, precious weekends, I love every minute. I am present every minute. I value every minute. If I was home with two kids full-time, seven days a week, as much as I love the heck out of those kids, I'd be counting the minutes until naptime and bedtime on a regular basis. I know this because after 4-5 days straight of Christmas vacation, I start doing it. It's A LOT. Stay at home moms know this. This is WHY I could not be a stay at home mom. It's too hard! :p

I know that keeping Jane in daycare full-time means that when she is home, I will not feel one bit guilty about focusing 100% of my attention on her during that time and letting daddy handle the baby-stuff. And, to me, that is worth so much more to her than the amount of time she gets... the ol' quality over quantity. So, don't be coming to me with any guilt trip crap, cause it ain't gonna fly and I ain't gonna feel guilty over doing what I know is best for all members of MY family.

I'm not writing this post to give you advice or to tell you what I think is the best thing to do. I'm writing to tell you what I'm doing and why I'm doing it with the hope of one of two outcomes... (1) you'll feel guilt-free about your decision to do the same or (2) you'll understand a different point of view, if you've decided to do differently. :)

This is a judgement-free zone people. Unless your Beyonce. I hate her. I judge her... who the hell puts out an hour long video all about themselves and how great they are because they lost their baby weight in time for their first concert. ARGH! Yes. If I had nannies to take care of my baby twenty hours a day so that I could train 35 hours a day, I'd probably have lost the baby weight quicker too. Grrrr Beyonce. You drive me nuts with your "I'm just like you" crap. If you're gonna judge people, judge people you'll never be face-to-face with... use your judgement quota on them like I do. :)

May 28, 2012

mmmmm monday... and an important life lesson

Currently staring at my husband's back, as he logs in to something on his work computer as if I'm burning holes through his shirt as he just told me he was going to get me Coldstone Creamery because I said "I'd die for ice cream", and now he's logging into his work computer? GO BITCH! ICE CREAM NOW! I'd like to say I'm joking, but, it's literally taking every bit of will power I have right now (which is none, which is why I'm getting Coldstone for no good reason other than wanting it) not to ask him why the eff he hasn't already started driving to Tim Hortons...

ARGH. Dude.

Phew. No nagging, bitchiness, necessary. He moved, he's up. He's getting the wallet. WOOT WOOT.

This is another pregnancy obsessive food thought response as, just yesterday, we had Cows ice cream which is the best... and led to a fight because, of course, there was a HUGE line up which I volunteered to wait in while daddy walked around with Jane... mostly because I couldn't decide which flavour I wanted or whether I wanted one scoop or two. So, Jane said she wanted "pink" ice cream. Well, the back story is that Jane wasn't all too happy about leaving the house in the first place so she was in that in-between stage, you know? Like right on the border of being well behaved and TOTAL MELT DOWN IN PUBLIC. So, I was getting the child some pink freakin' ice cream because, while I'm NOT all about giving the child whatever she wants, I am all about conflict-control... and what stupid parent in their right mind brings a child vanilla when she said she wanted PINK AWWS-CWEAM! The only pink ice cream they have is strawberry sorbet... SHIT. Dilemma in the middle of cows line-up with 400 people behind me and pressure is on. I stick with the pink.

Well, Jane was fine. Because she wanted Daddy's vanilla ice cream... thankfully, as if we were destined to be soul-mate-mother-daughter-friends-for-life, she has no interest in my gooie-mooie. So Daddy throws the tantrum instead. So, I offer him my ice cream as he doesn't like the pink ice cream either and, although I'd much rather my vanilla ice cream with chocolate, caramel and praline pieces in it, I take the stupid pink ice cream. Bletch. Mom's sacrifice for the greater good always, don't we? Well, after he eats like half my ice cream, Dan says he's going to go get another vanilla because he doesn't like it... so we're already grumpy with each other because we can't, obviously, be pissed at Jane for eating his ice cream, and now I'm even more pissed cause the doucheball ate half my ice cream and doesn't even like it... :p In the end, Jane ended up giving up halfway through daddy's vanilla and all were slightly happy.

That was the long way of telling you that I've had ice cream on the brain since finishing half of gooie-mooie yesterday... which, BTW, I only got the single scoop which I'm just realizing was the biggest error, perhaps, of all as I would have happily shared with Dan had I gotten the double scoop. AND, screw that altogether, because had I gotten the double scoop, I would definitely have gotten Dan the double scoop too (because I'm not looking like a heifer preggers chick) which means, Jane would have eaten just enough that Dan could have still had a full ice cream. ARGH! See. Life lesson: ALWAYS GET THE DOUBLE SCOOP! 

On another bright note, we got an air conditioner for our bedroom today. HALLELUJAH! I'm hoping-n-praying I sleep tonight as I've been cremating lately and it ain't helping with the pregnancy insomnia, the grumpiness, the eating, the face issues, anything. I've said it before... I have the eating-disaster-trifecta... I eat when I'm tired. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored. Which means, people, I'm ALWAYS EATING. :)

Wishing you a night of calorie-rich unnecessary foods and hoping if you're pregnant, and reading this, I've given you pregnancy food obsessive thoughts about ice cream so you can now join me in "going down" as Dan said he's not interested... which made me hate him just a little bit but I wanted ice cream too much to fold at that point over pride.

May 24, 2012

mommy brain moment of the week, month, year?

Was chatting with a good friend earlier in the week and, because everyone knows all the stupid things I've done over the years (I used to keep track and share them but now I can't even remember...), she felt the need to share her most recent mommy brain moment with me. Dare I say this may be one of the better ones I've heard since starting MOmMy bRaIn and since experiencing it myself. Enjoy!

Back story: What you need to know is that my friend, Alyson,  is third-trimester-pregnant and has a two-year-old, therefore, there could be no bigger excuse for mommy brain (unless, she was pregnant with two-two-year-olds :p). AND, her hubby, Steve, is a cop... so that makes this story that much more believable. Brenda is their daycare owner. Claire is their sweet two-yr-old daughter.


Steve: Going to daycare to get Claire

Alyson: Cool, see you soon then! Give her a little kiss from me!

Steve: Riiiiiight

(I'm thinking "typical Steve", no need for emotion when she'll be home to kiss in person in no time! Dads just don't get it.)

Steve: I'm at daycare and Brenda isn't coming to open the door.

(Moderate "alarm")

Alyson: Ok, are you knocking loud enough?

Steve: She's not answering the door.

(Slightly elevated "alarm")

Alyson: Well, how long have you been there? Did you call her?

Steve: 45 minutes

(Legit alarm bells now going off)

Alyson: What??? CALL HER! What is going on?

Steve: I hear screaming inside

(Full panic has now been induced)

Alyson: WTF is going on? CALL HER STEVE!! My heart is literally not beating anymore!!

(No response from Steve for a minute so I furiously dial Brenda's cell number, then as its ringing I see...)

Steve: I'm kicking in the door


Brenda: Hello?

Alyson: Brenda? It's Alyson...

(I'm confused, why does she sound so normal?)

Brenda: Hi Alyson!

Alyson: Umm, Steve's at the daycare door trying to get in and its locked...

(Dead. Silence.)

Brenda: Alyson...daycare is closed today.

(Holy fuck. What is going on? Is she being held hostage or something? Why is she acting all normal and like I'm crazy or something?)

Alyson: Well, where's Claire?

(More silence.)

Brenda: Ummmm...

(WHAT IS SHE NOT TELLING ME? hits me… Claire's in bed for a nap... right down the hall. How the fuck did I forget that Claire's in bed for a nap? WTF is wrong with me?)

Alyson: OMG! Brenda...she's in bed here for a nap... I'm sorry, she's been at daycare all week so I'm used to being here alone in the afternoon. She's napping, so when Steve said he was going there I forgot that she was already here!! OMG, I'm soooo sorry, he obviously forgot too about daycare being closed today when he went to work.

Brenda (laughing): Haha, you really scared me there for a second, I didn't know where the heck Claire was today!! Its totally ok, you guys aren't the first parents to try to come pick up a child that isn't there, hahaha!

Alyson: Well, sorry to bother you! Wow, I feel like an idiot, haha!

(It hits me again, SHIT Steve said he was kicking down the door, FUCK!)


I see the messages I missed while I was on the phone with Brenda...

Steve: I'm in, I got the door down

Steve: There's nobody here 



Steve: Hello?


(Dead. Silence.)

Steve: Alyson...I hope you're not being serious right now? Of course Claire is at home, I know daycare is closed today...

Alyson: What? What are you talking about? You said you were at daycare!

Steve: I was kidding...aren't you kidding too? When I told you I was going to daycare you obviously would have known there was no need, she's at home today! So I thought you were being "witty" and joking back pretending she really was at daycare!


(Slamming down of phone. Praying to GOD I didn't just permanently FUCK my blood pressure.)

When I could formulate sentences again I called him back, and after more screaming I saw a smidge of humour in my HUGE FUCKING MOMMY BRAIN MOMENT where I forgot that the child that I PERSONALLY put down for a nap, was still napping, and not stuck inside a daycare that my husband had to kick down the door to get her out of. 

HOWEVER, he has since learned not to ever, EVER, E.V.E.R. make a "joke" like that ever again!!! Even if he thinks I'm "in on it" and just being sarcastic, he will NEVER pull that shit again. I'm laughing now, but still mad that he really didn't know I was serious about the whole thing. 

I think I may have peed my pants when I read this story. Not only could I totally see it happening to me, but I am just THAT crazy that I probably would have called every possible emergency service to get to daycare ASAP. 

Hope this gave you a chuckle and THANKS to Alyson for letting me share her "special" moment with the world. :) xoxo

Took a second to do a belly photo tonight - comparing 31 weeks to 31 weeks from last pregnancy, looks about the same... Aside from being paler and, apparently, caring less about my appearance as "helmet head" (as my hubby calls my slicked back pony tail due to the amounts of gel/spray I use to keep it out of my face) is a go-to these days! :p 

May 23, 2012

3 years ago today...

Out of curiosity, after looking at the date, I realized that three years ago I was much fatter and, perhaps, much grumpier than I am today. Perhaps.

Then, I realized, HEY, I have a blog... did I write about how I was feeling three years ago today. YUP! Gosh, I used to be so much more reliable as a blogger. Maybe it's because (1) I had no job (and now I have two) (2) I had no three year old (and now I have a three year old and a 5 year old - husband).

Here's my post from May 23, 2009... my 39 Weeks Pregnant Update with baby number one.

I have my docs appointment tomorrow and I CANNOT WAIT. I have three things on my list of things to complain about:

(1) I'm tired. All the time. I get 8 hours sleep - mostly solid, most nights - and I wake up, have energy for 2-3 hours and then am SERIOUSLY ready for full sleep again. I find this particularly hard as I'm typically an energetic person and I burn it around town, smiling and working happily. Now, I'm draggin' ass.

(2) My face. OH MY GOD. My face. It's like having chicken pocks on my face that won't go away and won't be relieved by anything. I put the cream on the doc Rx'd and it itches. I put benadryl cream on when I can't tolerate it anymore and it stings. It burns. It stings. It itches so bad. ARGH! At this point, I just want them to peel my skin off. I'm ok with that.

(3) Crap. I forget the last one. ha. See. This is why I need a list. Oh yeah. My platelets. Last appt, my doc was off because of a family thing so she wasn't there when they told me my platelets are low. I want to mention this because OH MY GOD, I finally just took the time to look it up and, it's no big deal it seems, but it did say, if my platelets continue to drop, I might not be able to get an epidural. Dear Lord, I can't handle an itchy face do you think I can handle natural child birth. Me thinks not!

OH FYI. My husbands finally home. You're probably thinking WHAT is she talking about. Well, because I'm a freak and y'all know this, I neglected to mention that my husband's basically been MIA for the past 6-8 weeks. He was out of town during the week, home on the weekends only and usually working one, if not both days. Single mommas. Dear Lord single mommas. How do you survive? I have to say, if I wasn't exhausted and pregnant, it would have been much easier. But when combined with those two patience-reducing factors, it was - no other more clear word for it - HARD. The hardest part was supporting my hubby and being proud of him, while hating him at the same time. The second hardest part was that, at points, I wasn't being the mom I like to be. I was tired and either not being as present as I like to be OR not having the patience I like to have. And that just made it harder.

Anyways, he's home now and that's great as the last thing I wanted, before baby number two arrived, was to further the mommy's girl I already have. Do I love that she's a mommy's girl. Yup. Is it going to be hard when baby number two arrives. Who knows? But I know that the fact that, right now, she wants ME to do everything, is not sustainable. So, it's transition time. I hate transition times. ARGH. I don't have the energy or patience for transition time.

Help. :p

May 22, 2012

not quite the distraction i was hoping for...

Ah, the good ol' days... the days of 15 weeks pregnant, when I thought I was HUGE and was worried everyone was just thinking I had chubby-mummy syndrome vs. thinking I was pregnant. I remember trying on these beautiful fushia wedges from Aldo, thinking, these would be the perfect way to distract everyone away from my growing belly over the summer - bright, beautiful shoes!

Flash forward to 31 weeks pregnant. Here's the good news...

(1) NO ONE is going to think I'm just a chubby-mummy anymore. I am definitely, full-fledged, pregnant. So, my husband, who is KNOWN for saying stupid things stupidly (which means, he's not a dick he just is THAT dumb), says to me this morning "and you know you're gonna get like way bigger than this too right"... translation = your huge and it's shocking to everyone around you that you are going to somehow, manage, to get even bigger. Thanks idiot. :p I love him despite this generally lack of common sense with how to talk to pregnant women.
(2) I have a distraction! It's my face! WOOT WOOT! No one's looking at my belly and saying "ah, such a cute belly" or "look how big you're getting" because they are all looking at my face saying "ohhhhh...." after I explain to them why I look like a cross between a battered woman and someone suffering from a skin-eating condition. I actually had someone say to me today, "let me see your face", as if it were some freaky science experiment that everyone wants to see up close! :p

My skin "condition" - apparently a fungal infection but all around mess and pain in the a** - was doing fantastically all weekend. I even thought I was starting to look "normal" again yesterday. THEN, I am woken up this morning by this stinging, itchy sensation in the right corner of my eye. I knew before checking the mirror that it wasn't good. Well, it ain't as bad as it was last week, but it ain't "normal"! And, lord does it itch. And, oh my good Lord, am I the worst person for having flaking skin because I just love to pick at crap so I'm picking at myself all day long. ARGH!

Boo hoo eh? Poor me... healthy pregnancy, no life-threatening issues, great job, happy family, and all I do is whine about my face. But, seriously. C'MON! As if we pregnant fatties don't have it bad enough - fat bellies, stretch marks, gigantic boobs with hideous nipples, dare I say it out loud - gas,  hair that grows a bazillion times faster than normal - great for the head, not for the legs which we cannot shave without doing horrifying yoga poses that no one should witness. I am not one of those "I love being pregnant and feel so beautiful and sexy" crazy people (no, really?), like Beyonce who I dislike as much as humanly possible. I feel crappy and grumpy and everything my husband says translates into "you are huge and hideous" even when he says " you look gorgeous". And, so, the fact that my face has also failed me is just icing on the cake.

Here are my two, completely vain and egotistical fears that I would only share with you:
(1) This rash, infection, whatever is spreading (as I now have some sort of spot on my cheek that I'm hoping is just coincidental) and will, one day, cover the entirety of my face so that when the baby arrives, he/she will take one look at "mommy" and run back up my vagina.
(2) That it will not disappear after the baby arrives... and I'll be itchy, oozy, red face for the remainder of my days. I mean, c'mon! As if post-baby isn't beat-yourself-up time enough! Gimme and break that would suck!

In the meantime, I know all of this CRAP will be worth it in the end... Look at the first "in the end" I got out of pregnancy number one... a video of my beautiful "baby" who, through it all, makes me happier than I've ever ever been every day by just waking up in the morning and smiling at me... how did she get so big, so quick!

Wishing you a distraction-free pregnancy on all accounts! :)

May 17, 2012

on sick leave...

In an effort to FORCE myself to take it easy - something that admittedly, I'm horrible at - I'm taking the rest of the week off from the blog.

For a quick update on the eye situation - went from swollen, oozing, bleeding, crusty, red eyes and surrounding skin, to red, crusty, only slightly swollen eyes as of today. I was actually willing to go out in public to drop Jane off at daycare today WITHOUT my sunglasses. I've been pulling a posh spice routine lately and wearing my "sunglasses at night". Seriously. Like wearing them into daycare to drop Jane off - to the point the kids are asking me why I'm wearing my sunglasses still and I'm telling them I'm a super hero and hiding my identity. :p It's cooler than "my face is rotting and I look like I'm dying". I'm not sure how that would go over with a group of near three year olds.

I've been relaxing mostly during the day but sleeping horribly at night... which is so frustrating for me. I'm not good at tossing and turning. My mind starts going and then I start thinking about some nonsense, and for some reason at 2am, said nonsense becomes the most important topic in my life and I obsess over it for three hours before I realize that it's not really THAT essential that I remember to buy granola bars the next day because Jane likes to eat them in the car before school and, sometimes, when she doesn't eat breakfast, it's how I make sure I'm not sending her to school hungry. This is the insanity of insomnia thoughts... mind controlling. ARGH!

I love you all so much for sticking with me through my randomness, uselessness and, sometimes, infrequency - of quality and quantity.

Wishing you a fantastic long weekend, if it applies to you - xoxo

May 15, 2012

re-reading my own blog

Aside from the fact that the blog is my way to vent and get support from the mommy-hood community... it's also a good resource. For me. :p I'm currently reading about what to pack in my labour bag - I would not have remembered half this crap! How great is it that instead of scouring the internet again, I can just re-read everything I learned three years ago! WOOT WOOT. It's like a how-to-book written just for me, because it was written by me! :p

Speaking of books. That's just what I did. I turned the first phase of MOmMy bRaIn - my first year with Jane - into a book for Jane, using Blurb. Originally, I thought it was a great way to put all of my favourite posts into one place, to showcase on the shelf. A memory. A lot of work. Then, I realized, I would LOVE right now to be able to go back and read about who my mom was when I was born. You change so much throughout your life. I mean, ultimately, your values probably remain the same, but you change, you grow up! I love that Jane will be able to go back, maybe before she becomes a mom herself, and read about my fears, concerns, challenges and successes. If nothing else, she'll read about how much I love her and that's something.

OK, I'm cracking up - I actually took time last pregnancy to make meals ahead of time for the freezer so that when I came home with baby, I wouldn't have to cook. I was a genius and such a keener. See. I've already changed! I'll need to do another book for baby number 2 and he/she and Jane can compare notes. :p Baby number 2 will think I'm a lazy complainer!

Will not be bothering with a birth plan this time. If you're a first time mom-to-be, fill your boots. But, from my one experience, no one read my birth plan anyways, so... waste. of. time. I was actually made to feel embarrassed about it at the hospital which just pissed me off. Maybe I'll make a birth plan this time and just fill it with ridiculous crap like "if a c-section is necessary, I would like my husband to go to McDonald's during the surgery and to feed me french fries while you slice and dice me". Just to see if they actually read it this time. Unlikely.

Ew. Prenatal classes. Spare yourself. Dan and I skipped out halfway through the first day. I'm more of a self-directed learner. I don't have the patience to learn at other people's pace. So I read and research myself. Save yourself the time and pick up this book: The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. Loved it. I'm not much for books but this is not a "how-to" book. It's a resource. I also bought the Baby and Toddler versions because I was such a fan.

Funny reliving all the keen-ess and naivety of pre-first-time-mommyhood.

K, I'm off to relax... hopefully. And, pray for me that my little angel sleeps tonight as no-sleep is not helping my recovery at all!

May 14, 2012

are you mom enough?

So, here's the thing... I generally avoid "controversial" topics on the blog because (1) I'm pretty sure at this point I don't have the brain power to have an intellectual conversation where I could make sense or be happy with my arguments and (2) I hate the drama. OMG. I hate the drama. Do you know how I posted about my nursery and how I saved money doing this, and that, and I said something about the total cost being $x which I thought was pretty good. Well, sure enough, someone took the time to comment and pretty much tell me I was a snooty beotch for not recognizing that some people can't afford anything for their nursery... well. obviously. Here's the thing. This is a blog. It happens to be my blog. Which means I write about my life. Are there people out there less fortunate than I am, of course. Are there people out there more fortunate than I am, hell yes. So, are those richy-rich people commenting saying that I'm disgusting for buying used furniture and that I should have just gone to pottery barn and saved my time... nope. ARGH. Sorry. Random pregnancy-related outburst there.

Anyways. This article was written in TIME magazine titled "Are You Mom Enough?" I haven't read it. I probably should to comment on it legitimately. But here's the thing... I was listening to them discuss it today on the radio - how it's all about this new "fad" (fad isn't the right word but it's getting a lot of press right now, we'll say) of attachment parenting... which, as far as I understood seems to be things we've all done or tried to do or tried not to do, just taken to the extreme - par exemple, the cover of the mag with a young mother nursing a 3 (ok, jane is three, he's not three) year old boy. Aside from the fact that I feel for this child for the embarrassment he will suffer through the mocking of his school age years for this INTERNATIONAL HEADLINE COVER, I have no problems with it.

Want to nurse your kid until they're 14... fill you boots. Y'all know my motto and it's - DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!

I was the most perfect mother before I had children. I judged everyone for everything. I said "I will never do that" a thousand times. I have probably broken that promise on every account at least once.

Want to have your kids sleep with you until they're 8... again, fill you boots. Personally, I don't want Jane in the bed with me. I never did. Initially because I was so freakin' scared I'd end up killing her in the middle of the night but, now, because I know I sleep better and so does she, when we have our own beds.

Want to carry your kids around in a sling instead of using a stroller... reach for the stars! I used a sling, I used a snuggly, until my back and shoulder felt like they might fall off then it was stroller time baby.

Here's my thing... if I ain't gonna judge you, you better follow the golden rule.

There's nothing I hate more that judgmental moms. Gimme. a. break. Once you become a mom, you know the primary goals include two things only: survival and happiness. I strive to keep myself and my baby (and sometimes my husband) alive, healthy and happy. That's it. Simple as that. We all have our ways of achieving these things for ourselves and for our children... and what works for you, may make my life hell and vice versa.

My only issue with this article is the title... at all implying that because you're not following certain "rules" or "guidelines" means you aren't "mom enough"... don't. get. this. pregnant. woman. going. The best moms I know use instincts, common sense and, when all else fails, wine (or chocolate!) as a rule book and it appears they kids are turning out just fine and isn't that the goal?

I had an amazing mom. Fun. Flexible. Spontaneous. Stern. Scary. Hilarious. Ridiculous. Fantastic. When I was born, she had to leave me with her mom when I was 6 weeks old for quite a while, due to life's journey, while she got herself and my 18 mth old sister settled enough that she could handle two kids alone. So, for say, the first 6 months of my life, I probably had the opposite of "attachment parenting" with my mom. And, TOOT TOOT, cause I think I turned into a pretty fantastic (1) mom and (2) human being. So, where's the rule book on that one? Someone going to come out saying now that the best way to raise kids is to ship 'um to grammy and grampy's house for 6 months and then pick 'um up, ready to go?

Parenting books should almost be banned because, no matter what, the ultimate result is that you end up convincing yourself you're not doing the right things... could everyone benefit from a little help every now and again? Sure. But guidelines, recommendations and suggestions that make you feel like anything less is "not enough". Blow me.

Here's some pics of my mother's day... you tell me if the fact that I only breastfed for 11 months has had a negative impact on the happiness of my child or the attachment between us.

May 11, 2012

one of those days...

It's been one of those days...

So after a week of freakin out (a little - as much as I freak out - which is pretty much like a 4-5/10 on a freak scale) because my GPs office called me last week post-diabetes blood work and made me think I was dying of cancer, I finally had my docs appt today. It was rescheduled from yesterday which, in my freak brain, convinced me more that I was doomed and that the world was just putting off the inevitable. Here's the thing though, I did some googling (I know, blessing + curse = google) and turns out gestational diabetes isn't the death sentence some docs would have you believe. Does it suck? I'm sure. Does it have risks? I'm sure. But, seems like management is pretty successful. Although, I have to admit, if someone sat me down and gave me a diet plan, I'd probably slap the bitch and say get out of my face, can't you see I'm pregnant... diet plans are for three months from now.

Anyways. I found it weird that, although my GPs office called, I never heard from my ob/gyns office - so when I finally (my appt was at 9:50am, I sat down in the exam room at 10:50am) got to see a doc (tech. med student) they didn't even have my blood work results in my file. SO, here in true I'm-pregnant-and-therefore-read-way-too-much-into-teeny-little-things, I've now convinced myself that the only reason my ob/gyns office hadn't called me to rush me into an emergency c-section is because they never even got the freakin' report!!! When the actual ob/gyn arrived 20 minutes later, apparently my test results were "completely normal". W.T.F. You get re-tested if your "AIC" levels are above 7.8 (if you're above 10, you're screwed and you just have diabetes period). My levels were low 4's. So, conclusion - I spent the last week googling, stressing and worrying for NO REASON. FANTASTIC. I will say I was relieved, and obviously, in the end, that's a good thing. Apparently my platelet count is a little low... still "normal" but low-normal which could be not good but they will monitor it to make sure it doesn't go low-low. The doc threw out some weird term for it like "thromobomboplacentalitiscondymorton" to which I smiled and nodded like I had heard this term many times in my 29 years, and went on with my day. Of course, this was after I had starved myself all morning because I thought I was going to have to re-take the diabetes test which means I would have had to fast... so. yeah. that extra hour I waited in the waiting room, while the fatty pregger girls around me scarfed their timmies bagels and coffees, did not make me the happiest camper in the woods.

That was my morning. Really not the worst day you ever had, but not the TGIF you look forward to.

For some reason (to which my husband explains "um, here's a reason - you're pregnant") I'm EXHAUSTED today... like falling asleep in the waiting room exhausted. And, thus, my pregnancy glow has hit an all time peak to the point that other people are noticing now. Before, it was apparently "just me". Feel free to hate me for the next comment... but typically, my skin is pretty good. I take care of it, so I'm allowed to say that. So, when I get a pimple or skin issues, to me, it's like I'm wearing tattoos all over my face that say "LOOK HERE" and "EWWWW, what's that". Literally. I go out in public and worry about running into x-boyfriends or people I hate because their "friends" but their those pretty friends that you love but you hate because they always look pretty and their hair is always done and you hate them because you run into them when you're in your sweats and not "just leaving the gym". Anyways, point being, someone told me today that it looked like I was having an allergic reaction because of my eye redness, swelling, etc. WOOT WOOT. And there's nothing I can do. I've tried everything. I think it's eczema? I have no idea. I've tried hydrocortisone. I've made my own concoction of taking the Aveeno oatmeal bath, adding a teeny bit of warm water and making it a facial masque. I've been using Aveeno Baby Eczema Lotion on it. I've tried diaper cream. I've tried vaseline. I've tried leaving it with nothing. And it won't go away. And the fact that my face is constantly itchy is, literally, driving me insane. I can see now, how people with chronic pain, get depression. Because the fact that I itch and itch and cream and cream and it never goes away, is so frustrating it makes me grumpy (there's a mom term for you). Here's a pic of me today - I know it's hard to see the spots (so I've pointed them out, including cindy crawford in case you are really so interested - dan just caught me and said "what the hell are you doing?" so I'm thinking this is a bad idea but it's too late, it's done). You can feel really bad for me now (that's sarcasm). I also tried something new... ice. It felt really good. But, I don't think it did anything. And, yes, that's a teether... it's the only ice I had in my fridge.

Ok. So hungry, tired, itchy and relieved but grouchy because of previous stress for no reason.

Then, my dog gets attacked. If you've followed the blog for a while, you know that I love my dog but she drives me insane. Regardless, I kind of like her alive and without vet bills. Mostly due to the vet bills. :p joking, joking (not really).

So, I let her out to pee for the 400th time this afternoon... second, but it felt like 400 when I had to put my laptop down and get up off the couch. This is strange for my pees-twice-a-day dog, so I let her out the back patio and, because I stayed out to see what she was up to out there, I didn't hook her on her leash. Well, before I knew it this stupid german sheppard from the neighbours yard has chased Molly up onto the patio and missus comes running across the backyards, barely speaks a word of english, and is saying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry". So, I'm laughing because, I see the dog's waging it's tail and being friendly... that second. Next thing I know, the dog's got Molly (mini-poodle who weighs maybe half as much as my cat) pinned to the patio and the only reason it's not taking off Molly's head is because Molly's so small she's actually hidden underneath the dog... So, stupid dog owner, grabs her dog - which, I don't care if your dog is about to kill my dog, you don't get in the middle of a dog fight. Ever. And, Molly makes her escape. So I pick Molly up because the stupid dog owner has her dog by the scruff and then the stupid dog gets lose again. So I throw Molly. Ha. I was like, um, it's me or you dog, and NEWS UPDATE, it's YOU!

Finally, I scurried Molly inside the house and proceeded to give it to missus. I'm sorry. I know sometimes things happen between dogs but I've seen this dog before and made comments to Dan that these people have no control over it... you know, it pulls them down the street, etc. And, so, my mamma-bear kicks in and I start thinking, what if Jane had been outside? What if the dog had come at Jane? Jane! And, I lost it. Not crying. I don't cry, I have a temper. I was civil, but I was pissed. I am an animal lover but I will never fully trust any animal with my kids. And there's one thing that makes me really angry - people who buy big dogs and don't know how to properly handle and train them. It makes me furious. To me, it's like someone buying a gun and walking around with it but they don't know exactly how to pull the trigger, it's really not THAT dangerous... right?

Anyways. Molly was fine... she's probably (definitely) in need of some serious anti-anxiety meds now being that she needed them before and she lives the life of riley but no blood, no harm.

Here's the other thing that pissed me off... I called animal services. Just to see. I'm not trying to be a "rat" or over-react, but I thought, if there's a way to file a report on the dog so there's a record... that way, if the dog attacks again or, worse, bites someone, then there's a history and action can be taken. Well, as I'm on the phone stupid dog owner comes walking up the street. So, stupid city missus on the phone says "well I hope you and your neighbour can work it out"... um. Did she not here me. I don't care about my neighbour. The dog. Or my dog. I want to make sure that if this happens again, there's a record of previous aggression with this dog and it's noted. So, stupid dog owner starts apologizing and says to me "I just don't want you to be mad"... ah. OK. Would you like me to say "it's ok your dog just tried to eat mine, happens all the time, no worries!". Sorry missus. I'm from Newfoundland, we're nice, but don't eff with us. I wasn't rude, but I told her, if I see her dog off-leash again, I'm calling animal control and I'll report them (translation, I'm going to scream my face off at you and then call the cops or something ridiculously dramatic... I. am. pregnant.)... and I told her that if the dog had come running towards my child like that, it would not have been good (translation: if I had a gun, I'd shoot it).

Again. Not the worse day ever. But exhausting, frustrating, frazzling, annoying, non-I'm pregnant and taking it easy, type of day.

On a brighter note, it's MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND! ENJOY IT. MILK IT. YOU DESERVE IT. Try to do everything against your nature and put yourself first for once! TRY! xoxoxo. Loves you all!

May 9, 2012

pregnancy insomnia...

It's 3:09am. I got home later last night from two days of sales meetings, which apart from being fun and worthwhile, make this chubby-mummy a little tired... more so when you're pregnant of course because having to turn your brain on max capacity for two days straight is like trying to pull my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans up over my hips at this point... impossible and complete with post-marathon-esque exhaustion. Throw some air travel in there and BAM, recipe for potential disaster. Which currently describes the status of my face... itchy, flaky, red spots have taken over to the point that when I itched my right eyebrow for the last two days it appeared to be snowing in the conference room when in fact it was just my rejected skin falling off my face in public... you know, the pregnancy glow! I also managed to pick up two friends for Cindy Crawford (my faithful sidekick of a pimple that's been with us since January) which is delightful as it's likely I've picked up three new scars for the Dermatologist I will never see (due to shortages) to laser off.

So, here I am. 3:17am now. Been awake since before 2am but attempted flipping from side to side like a beached whale for an hour before huffing and puffing downstairs to get some work done that will, maybe, give me time to catch up on said lost sleep before I pick Jane up from daycare today. Unlikely. Why is it that when we have time to take a nap, we never feel like taking a nap?

If I remember correctly, which at this point has no merit whatsoever, I believe pregnancy insomnia was one of my only unpleasant symptoms with Jane. I cannot, however, remember it starting this early and Dear Lord help me if I have another 12 weeks of this. There's pretty much nothing worse you can do to me except take away my sleep. You know how sometimes your toddler is acting like the devil incarnate and it takes you a hour to remember he/she had the worst sleep ever and that explains the fact that they are currently on the floor screeching like you never imagined hearing from another human being because you can't get the My Little Pony videos to work? Yeah. That's pretty much what happens to me when I'm tired... minus the floor and the pony. Of course, during pregnancy numero uno, no biggie. I didn't have to worry about being nice to anyone, because the only one around was Dan and because, only during the bad symptoms of pregnancy, do I give him any credit for having any part in the creation of said child, he deserved to be punished. :p

I can't be grumpy, lazy, droopy, pregnancy woman this time... I have to be chipper, happy, energetic, best-mom-in-the-world Jen. Sometimes. Its. Hard. Of course, then in typical mommy fashion, I put more pressure on myself in the form of GUILT - sometimes a mom's worst enemy, sometimes her biggest motivator. This is the hardest battle of pregnancy number two.

Remember your first pregnancy? Remember Saturdays? I remember lying around on the couch with Dan, watching tennis or golf on tv, because we knew it would be good background noise for us to have nap. And we could nap all day if we wanted. The only thing that was necessary to take care of on the weekends was finding a source of food. That was our ONLY obligation... eat and sleep.

Do I wish for these days back? Of course not. One of the annoyingly generic quotes of becoming a parent is that "you don't remember what life was like before". Well, that's partially a lie, because obviously I remember sleeping the day away without a care. But, can I imagine doing that now? No. I don't think I'd be able to. Here's your pregnancy insomnia induced deep quote of the day: Life has purpose when you have children. You have a spectacular, fantastic, amazing reason to wake up and be happy everyday... most days. :p Nobody's perfect after all.

Here's the good news. If I suffer with pregnancy insomnia for the next 12 weeks, then it's likely I only have to pretend not to be a grouchy bitch for the next 15-18 months! WOOT WOOT!

Here's the bad news. One of my learnings from my two days on max capacity is that the average lifespan of a woman (in Canada) is 83 yrs old. Which means we spend 1/3 of our lives in pre or post-menopause (which if you know nothing about is probably better as you'd probably contemplate the benefits of undergoing a sex change). One of the most common symptoms of menopause = insomnia. HA! Which means I have plenty of time to be a grouchy bitch in the last third of my life. YIPEE!

Happy sleeping!

May 6, 2012

out of the office

Sorry I've been the worst blogger of the year this week - I've had a busy work week + a sick day due to exhaustion combined with everlasting cold + now I'm off to T.O. for two days for work... so, I'll be back on Wednesday!

I've got another docs appt this week so WHOPPEEE (I secretly love them now that I'm with my ob/gyn) but I got a call last week after my diabetes blood work from my GPs office saying my doc wanted to "follow up with me on the blood work" which, well, we all know isn't the best outcome... no news is good news when it comes to docs. So, after being freaked for a day (conveniently the day I took off to relax and recuperate :p), and thanks to some fantastic facebook friends, I'm feeling like it's likely that I may have to be re-tested after fasting or something super great like that... fingers crossed that's it!

Okee dokes. Happy Monday and Tuesday! Here's a few pics of my girl and I from our weekend at the zoo and FINALLY her first pony ride! YIPEE!!

May 2, 2012

whats-in-the-news wednesday

As always, the rules of whats-in-the-news is that I have no intention of ever actually taking the time to read these articles... my take on the days headlines in parenting, life, celebrity, everything.

Here she goes...

The two questions all parents of young kids should ask themselves - (1) Do you have an adequate supply of red wine in the house? (2) Do you own a good anti-aging cream or have access to enough money for the botox you will need to repair the damage of 5 years of inadequate sleep?

The good mother doesn’t exist. She’s a myth - Then call me Medusa bitch because I know I'm a good Mom and I know a few others too. This article must have been written in some other country... :p

McDonald's new Happy Meal: Will there be fries, I mean yogurt, with that? - Ok, get ready to judge me if you want but I don't care. Here's the thing... I think this NONSENSE of McDonald's offering healthier options with happy meals is INSANITY. McDonald's is NOT HEALTHY. It's not supposed to be healthy. If you're bringing your child to McDonald's for a healthy meal, I'm about to judge you because you're not the brightest bulb I've ever come by... It's supposed to be a TREAT. Obviously, for some people, this is not the case - so is it right, then, to lead kids to believe that McDonald's is healthy? Not in my opinion! So you throw some yougurt in the happy meal... um, do you want me to get my three year old to eat that before or after the fried nuggets and 10 fries you now include? Yeah. Me thinks not. When Jane and I go to McDonald's it's for a treat. And, personally, I'm of the belief that treats, in moderation (exc. pregnancy of course) are OK! Therefore, I'm OK with her having chicken nuggets and, Dear God No, french fries without apples and yougurt on occasion... I am pretty sure this will not kill her. I'm pretty sure I'm going to live as well. Grrrr.

Blame parents for teen tanning habits - Ultimately, parents are to blame for pretty much everything. Sometimes indirectly, but ultimately, your fault. And, Puuuulease... as if you don't notice your child looks like George Hamilton in March. I wasn't allowed to go to tanning salons when I was younger because my mom would have killed me. I went once. I was sure my mom was going to notice my burnt boobs and then all that would be recognizable on my corpse would be bright red boobs... that's how they'd identify me. Every Mom needs a "friend"... and friend who's 40 but looks 87 because they smoked and tanned. This friend is ultimately a scary example of what's to come for those who tan and smoke... like a life sized warning label.

Why mental stress may harm women more - Um, because men can't suffer from mental stress because they don't have any thoughts?

Why do engagement rings still matter? - This writer has obviously never been married. The engagement ring is basically like a bribe. Being married to a MAN is not easy. You're darn right I deserve a gift for even considering marrying your ass. In fact, you should give me one every 5-10 years too because I've stayed married to your ass. And, when I divorce you, I'm taking it all with me as a downpayment on the house you will also be paying half for in alimony payments. tee hee hee. ha ha ha. I'm hilarious.

Jessica Simpson Drops 20 Pounds Already? - ha ha ha. Again. This person obviously hasn't done his/her research OR been a mom before. I remember getting on the scale a day after Jane was born and being like HOLY CRAP, I'M A SUPERMODEL! You drop 15-20lbs easy in child birth - between baby's weight and fluid/placenta, etc. I remember being able to see my vagina again and being both frightened by what I saw and excited! It only takes like a week to start feeling fat again though. FYI.

That's all I got... Still zonkered from this stupid head cold which will not go away.