MOmMy bRaIn Monday

I've been saving up a few for today... which would suggest my MB moments are decreasing in frequency. Not the case. These are just a few of the more standout ones (i.e. the ones I can remember).

(1) I wear a mouthguard at night because I grind my teeth. I thought it could use a super clean one day. So, I was going to "sterilize" it, like I've been doing to my bottles, pacifiers, etc. Boiled up some water, threw in the mouthguard and left it. Later on, I picked my gleaming, 6 month old, $300 mouthguard out of the bowl. Satisfaction. It had never looked cleaner! Popped it in my mouth. Hmm... a lot tighter than I remember. Ouch. F. I can't get this off! After a little maneuvering, mouthguard was off. Can somebody tell me what I was thinking? Most mouthguards are made my heating plastic or whatever they use, moulding it and then cooling it. So, in my attempt to super clean my mouthguard, I totally eff'd it up. I thought it was going to be stuck on my teeth permanently. Thinking, oh Jen, that's not so bad? Well, then, I wanted to fix it. So, I thought (this is always my mistake - "thinking" as if my brain still works properly!) - if I boil it again and put it in my mouth while it's still hot, leave it on my teeth and let it cool, then it will fit again - right? Yeah, it was stuck again. Worse. It took me like 5 minutes to get it off and I was convinced I had permanently misshapen my teeth because it squeezed them so hard. Awesome. I'd like to have a reality show that's taped inside my brain... instant hit, comedy of the year.

(2) Took Jane to the mall. Of course, living in a dream world, I brought her stroller hoping that she'd be happy staying in her car seat for the hour I planned on checking out the sales. She ended up in the Snugli on minute two of the mall trip. As the trip came to an end, I passed the coffee shop. Mmmmmm, Chai Latte. Sold. Because I had my little monkey on me, I put the latte in the cup holder of the stroller until we got to the car - I don't drink anything hot around her, ever. I took Jane out of the Snugli, snapped her into the carseat, put her in the car, folded down the stroller, put it in the trunk... F. Yummy, tasty, warm, soothing, Chai Latte all over stroller. Oh yeah! Take the coffee out of the cup holder BEFORE folding stroller down inevitably smushing latte cup and pouring my yummy $4 drink all over the stroller. Boooo.

(3) Dan's sleeping in the bedroom with me again now (he started just before Christmas). I have to admit. I kind of enjoyed having my own bedroom! But, it's good to have him back (I have to say this or else I look bad)! :p ha ha ha. Just kidding honey (don't even know why I'm saying that because I know, right now, Dan is thinking "yeah right you're kidding"). Ok, so now that he's back, he's more aware of when Jane's waking up because rarely (and he'd say he wakes every time) but rarely it wakes him as well.
Here's a conversation we had one morning:
Dan: "She had an Ok sleep last night eh?" (yes, American girls, we do, in fact, say "eh" up here in Canada, just not as often as advertising would suggest)
Jen: "Ah, yeah... I guess it was Ok"
Dan: "Well, a medium night"
Jen: "I don't know about that. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being best night she ever had and 1 being Zombie Christmas sleeping, she had about a 5"
Dan: "Yeah, that would be a medium..."
Jen: "OMG!! I'm an idiot"
Followed by us both cracking up. What was I thinking? Likely - "Geez, Dan, you don't know much. It wasn't a medium night at all, it was MUCH WORSE, it was a 5 out of 10!!!". :p

(4) Only the football followers will get this one. Last Sunday, AFC and NFC championships. I posted, in both Facebook and Twitter: "Colts-Ravens Superbowl would make me very happy". I love football. Giants are my team. Colts are a close second (I'm a Manning fan). After than, I really like Favre, so I will cheer for the VIKINGS when they aren't playing my teams. VIKINGS being the key word, not Ravens, Vikings. Stupid. I left the status there and just commented about my own stupidity before anyone else had the chance.

(5) Made a pot roast the other day... never made a pot roast before. Regardless, I was following a recipe from my fav magazine, Cooking Light, so I thought it couldn't go wrong. I 100% realized that I had bought a much smaller piece of beef than the recipe called for, seeing as it was just for Dan and I. Got everything ready, threw 'er in the oven... an hour later the house smelled like heaven. Mmmmm pot roast, mmmm smell of a yummy red wine au jous. An hour and a half later, hmmm... not smelling as good. Time for supper. Take the pot out of the oven. Pot roast is fried. Although I halved the recipe because of my smaller piece of beef, I didn't adjust the cooking time AT ALL. Wicked. To make matters worse... I burnt my hand TWICE picking up the lid of the pot (that just came out of the oven after 3 hours) without an oven mitt. Literally, within seconds of each other. I think I cried.

If you have any MB moments of your own to share, please do. Half of the reason why I love this blog is because y'all make me fee like I'm not alone in my nonsense. Hmmm... maybe not half, maybe like 50%. :p ha ha ha.

PS - Picture of Jane is "through the jail bars" of the crib. Whenever she wakes up from a nap/in the morning, she is always playing around, cracking up laughing and so on. Brought the camera with me one day to capture it.

MOmMy bRaIn Monday

Back again... sadly, with another MB Monday. I look forward to the day when I don't have these issues with my brain functioning properly.

Numero Uno:
TMZ: "Tiger Woods says he's taking an indefinite break from golf"
Me (in my head): "Hmmmm, indefinite. Does that mean he's never coming back? Or, does it mean he'll be back eventually? I should know what indefinite means. God, I'm an idiot. I should ask Dan. If I do he's going to give me that look. That, are you effin' serious look?"
Me (out loud): "What does indefinite mean?"
Dan (in his head): "Is she effin' serious?"
Dan (out loud): "What?"
Me: "What does indefinite mean? Like he's never coming back or he may come back?"
Dan (in his head): "Oh my God, she is effin' serious!"
Dan (out loud): "He may come back eventually"
Me (in my head): "I should have just looked it up online."

(2) I ordered a bunch of photobooks from Kodak as Christmas gifts. My first order was "lost" according to the Kodak people. I was pissed but at least they were able to send them to me quickly enough that I could get them out to the US before Christmas. The second order was sent December 1st (and the shipping said 4-7 days). So, yesterday, I'm like - jeez, my order should have been here last week. So I call kodak to see what's up and they tell me my order must have been lost AGAIN! I lost it. I was on the phone for an hour and a half with them - they said they couldn't get my order out in time for Christmas and they weren't offering me anything - no refund, no credits, nothing. I was pissed. After an hour and a half of my day (and you other new Moms know how precious that time was as Jane was napping, it was my ME time), they gave me a $30 credit and did a re-order on my books, which would arrive God-knows-when. I checked the mail the next day... my order was there. I had spent an hour and a half on the phone losing my mind and the stupid books were sitting in my mailbox. Awesome. On the plus, I got a $30 credit! :p

(3) Three times this week I sent reply emails to people asking them to send me something that they had already given me in the original email. You'd think after the first "nevermind" email, I would have started checking before I sent the "can you send me..." reply, but NO. Three times I had to write "Nevermind, this is why my blog is called MB". If it were family, no biggie, but it was blog-related business stuff. Awesome.

Don't forget to enter our Baby's First Phone Call Giveaway before Thursday!

PS - Perhaps this is a tip everyone is aware of but me and, as always, perhaps it is just a fluke but the last two days, I've broken up Jane's cereal-feeds into one in the AM and one before her last feed of the night (6:30pm, then she has her bedtime feed at 8-8:30ish). Two nights in a row she's slept from 8:30pm until almost 6am! I don't want to curse it but I'm going to stick to this new routine until it fails me! :p

MOmMy bRaIn Monday

So, after a few weeks of missing MB Mondays, I finally took it upon myself to make note of some of the stupid things I did during this past week. Of course, I know there was at least 2-3 moments yesterday when I said "Oh my God, I'm an idiot!" but I can't remember what they were.

Here are the few I remember, hope you enjoy:

(1) I keep getting other people's mail and it's so annoying. If I'm going to be delivering mail, I either want to be paid for it or I want a discount on postage for myself! Anyways, a parcel arrived from amazon so I immediately opened it as I was expecting some books. Instead it was these crazy-smart-people type of poetry books or political books or something. I dunno because as soon as I looked at the cover and realized it wasn't pale pink with some chick on the front with a martini in her hand (you know, the typical chic-lit cover style) I knew there was a mistake. I checked the address and it was #13 and we're #33. So, on my way out, I went to #13. Only, #13 didn't exist. So, I thought, hmmm it must be #15 then. So, I went up my neighbours stairs, rang the doorbell and while I was waiting, I re-check the address and realized it was #13 of the street next to ours. So, here I am standing on my neighbour's doorstep (whom I don't know btw) and all I wanted to do was RUN! I was going to look like an idiot having to explain that I got someone else's mail and I thought it was yours but it's not so thanks, have a nice day! To make matters worse, of course it was a man so I couldn't even use my "I've lost my mind because I'm a new Mom" excuse because he wouldn't get it. When I did go to the right house, I explained all the stupid things I had done to the actual book owner and he didn't even smile... I shoulda known. Anybody who orders TWO serious, poetry or political, smarty, smarty books would probably think I was as big an idiot as I felt I was...

(2) I bought another Christmas dress for Jane. It was so cute that immediately, when I got home, I dressed her in it for a Christmas photoshoot. I even put her tights on! It wasn't until after I had it all on and stood her up that I realized my dress was a little short... because it was a top.

(3) I asked somebody at Walmart what fabric softener was for. I mean, obviously, by the name it would suggest to soften fabric - but why is this necessary? Regardless, the woman thought I was an idiot.

(4) This isn't really a MB moment, but a Mom moment regardless. I was having some sort of sexy dream about someone (I can't remember) so we'll say it was my husband. Anyways, I woke up in the middle of it freaking out because I knew it'd been at least a week since I shaved my legs and whoever "he" was was rubbing on my hairy legs! What the heck? Isn't that the point of dreams - that they AREN'T reality! Stupid.

Don't forget to check under Giveaways on the right hand side to see if you are the winner of our either of our Holiday Giveaways from last week!

Anybody have any MB moments of their own to share?

MOmMy bRaIn Monday

Got a good one for you today... thought of you guys after it happened as I'm sure it will make you laugh, make you feel bad for me and, perhaps, make you feel less bad about your own brainless moments.

So, Dan and I are putting together a playroom for Jane. My Mom had a great idea to put a giant dry-erase board on the wall for her to draw on (once she's older, obviously). In order to put it on the wall, we used "industrial strength" double sided stickies... so Jane wouldn't be able to pull it off or have it fall off. Anyways, once it was up, I immediately took a few dry-erase markers and wrote "Jane's Playroom" in my best bubble-letter handwriting. First, Dan made a joke about how I was obviously the one to write the specials on the board back when I was a waitress - which was true so I didn't really react to that one. Secondly, he says "imagine if you did that with a permanent market" to which I responded "yeah, ha ha ha ha, that would suck"... then, I looked in my hand. One red marker - dry erase. One blue marker - permanent! You can imagine Dan's shock, disbelief and pity when I said "OH MY GOD, I did!". I say pity because what else do you feel for the women you love who once had a fully functional brain and now... Thankfully, I got right on washing it with some heavy duty cleaner and it came off... if we had to take the board off our wall, I'm positive all of the drywall would have come with it and we had just finished plastering and re-painting the holes from the room's previous decorations.

Dear Lord, just when I think I'm getting better...

Jen :)

MOmMy bRaIn Mondays

Here's a few MB Moments to make you feel better about your own screw-ups this week!

1) My sister has switched to formula-feeding her baby and has "weened" off the pumping so her breastmilk has "dried up" (what's the right way to say that?). Anyways, she told me that she'd gained 4 lbs since she stopped producing milk. I immediately started rationalizing it so she wouldn't feel bad by explaining that when one of my boobs is full, I swear it weighs 2-3 lbs vs. an empty boob... so it's likely that it's just extra weight from her boobs. God love Nancy as she listened to me explain for 2-3 minutes before she said "yeah, Jen, that would explain why I would LOSE weight when my breastmilk was gone, but doesn't make sense at all when rationalizing why I gained weight". What the hell was I talking about?!?!

2) I try to avoid eating foods that make me gas-y because it ends up in a gas-y, restless sleep for Jane. Stupid me went and ate a veggie burger on Wednesday last week... worked out to like a full night without sleep. Awesome. On what grounds did I think a burger basically made out of beans and vegetables would be a good idea?!?!

3) If you check my blog early Friday morning, you likely saw a post that consisted of this "bf-ing doll"... that's it. ha ha ha. Sometimes, to make sure I get them done, I pre-write my posts when Jane is sleeping and then schedule them throughout the week. I thought I had written Friday's post on the breastfeeding doll, apparently not. My hubby emailed me at 10am asking what that post was about... thank god, because I probably wouldn't have noticed that there was actually no content in the post. Genius.

4) My Mom visited this weekend from Toronto. She called on Friday before arriving and left me a message as Jane was sleeping on me and I couldn't reach the phone. Later, I retrieved the phone and actually remember typing in the codes to pick up my message... however, I couldn't remember listening to the message but, for whatever reason, I deleted it! I called my Mom back and left her a message that sounded like this:

"Hi Mom, it's me. You called and I think you left me a message. If you said anything important can you call me back because I don't think I listened to it... I remember checking my messages but I must have deleted it before listening to it. I don't know why I did that but.... Hmmmm... wait, maybe I did hear it? No, I think I'm just remembering your email from earlier today. Oh my God, I'm losing it..."

So there you go... nothing outstanding but a week's full of stupid, worse than Jessica Simpson-style moments that confirm to me that my MB is NOT getting any better.

Jen :)

Anyone got any stories to share from the last few weeks?

MOmMy bRaIn Mondays

Here are last week's MOmMy bRaIn moments - nothing too outrageous this week, thank god.

Please share your own moments, no matter how embarrassing!

1. Last week I picked up the phone to change the channel on the TV.
   


2. Wanted to pick up some extra 3-6 month jumpers for Jane as the weather is getting cooler. Bought 'um, brought 'um home, cleaned 'um and realized they were 6-9 months. I don't think I even checked the size on them when I bought them. Just bought the first ones on the hanger...genius.
   


3. I left my chicken breast on the counter to thaw. All good, except we had just gotten it from the grocery store and you know what, I bet you'll be shocked - It was already thawed!!


4. I'm currently nursing a mildly burnt hand here as I picked up a pan off the BBQ yesterday without an oven mitt. Awesome.

Among these were several mid-conversation "crap, there's a word I want to use right now but I can't remember what it is...." moments and also several moments where I said something one way when I meant something entirely different (e.g. Went out to breakfast with my friend Kristie and Dan paid the bill. Of course, she protested to which I responded "You'll do the same for us..." instead of "You WOULD do the same for us" ha ha ha. Sounded like I was threatening her or something).

Jen :)

PS - I have potentially life-changing news here... my friend, Kristie, visited from Newfoundland this weekend and left her little one with Daddy for a night. She said that her Mommy Brain got better just within the 24 hours that she was out of the house - this is very promising!

PPS - Add me as a friend on Facebook if you haven't already (find the link in the right-hand sidebar) :)

MOmMy bRaIn Mondays

Here are last weeks Mommy Brain moments:

1. Had a friend come and visit last week and we were discussing "Jon and Kate Plus 8", a show which I've never gotten into. Regardless, during our conversation I actually asked "how many kids do they have?". ha ha ha.


2. This one's from my sister - She walks every morning before baby Lucy wakes up. Anyways, like me, she plays "white noise" music for Lucy while she's sleeping (nature sounds). She woke up one morning last week, heard the pouring rain outside and went back to sleep. Her hubby comes in later and asks her why she never went for her walk. "It's pouring rain outside" she says, to which he responds "what are you talking about?"... it was a beautiful day out. She had heard the rain from Lucy's music and thought it was raining outside. At least I'm not going through this alone :p


3. I distinctly remember telling Dan Friday morning "don't forget to pick that up"... It's Monday and I still can't remember what he was supposed to get for me!


4. Chatting with a blog-friend, Stephanie, she mentioned the "BC Children's Hospital" to which I replied something about how we do things up here in Canada... BC is in Canada. Awesome. Seriously... does this get worse?

I'm no longer "losing it", I've lost it. Anybody got any good moments to share from this week?

Jen :)

PS - Had the worst dream last night that I can't get over... almost woke up Jane just to see she was there and look into her sweet little eyes. I guess that was a nightmare then, to clarify...

MOmMy bRaIn Mondays

Decided to summarize the previous week's Mommy Brain moments each Monday - scarily, I'm positive that I will be able to provide several examples each week! :p

1. Went to Costco with Jane. I was there right at open time because I needed to time it so that Jane wouldn't get hungry while we were out. It was a nice day out so I got out, put Jane (in the car seat) in the cart and stood outside the door with the other impatient shoppers. I then realized that I didn't have my Costco card. I didn't freak because I knew I could get a temporary card, so I stood my ground... until I realized I didn't have a debit card or cash. I casually strolled back to the car, put Jane back in and took off as fast as possible as I could feel the eyes of every other waiting shopper staring at me and thinking "what the hell is that lady doing?". Awesome.
   
   
2. The reason I went to Costco was to get something for Dan. I bought a new winter jacket, a new lounging outfit, a few books, and checked out. After I paid and started out of the store I realized I had forgotten to get what I came for... genius.
   
   
3. I asked the lady at Walmart where I could find shoe laces... her response? "The shoe department"... seriously?


4. Dan and I were watching this "Man vs. Wild" show.. and buddy (his name is Bear, go figure) says something about the "southern hemisphere". Here's the conversation that occurred afterward:

Me: "Oh, that's cool"
Dan: "Yeah, but that's only in the southern hemisphere"
Me: "Oh yeah, and we're in the northern hemisphere right?" (note the question mark)
Dan: "Ahhhh, yeah, you didn't know that?"
Me: "Yes, I did - we're in the northern hemisphere cause we're above the equator?" (note, again, the question mark)
Dan: "Hun, you should know this" (picture Nick Lachey's face as he looked at Jessica Simpson when she said she didn't want any wings because she doesn't eat buffalo). Priceless.

I'm sure there were many more mini-Mommy Brain moments but I just decided to do this post on Thursday and, being a Mommy Brain, I can't remember the stupid stuff I did from Monday-Thursday! :) I'll keep better track for next week!

Jen :)

PS - Share your weekly MB moments as well! Leave a comment!