not wishing my time away... mostly

I have a lot of friends who are having babies right now... and, by that, I mean now or in the next six months. It's all really the same (except when you're comparing waistlines, then weeks matter). :p

The excitement of hearing the news of a new arrival or reading updates on someones Facebook page is making me wish away my time... a little bit. It's not that I want the next three months to go by quickly. TRUST ME. This is baby number two. I KNOW how much I should appreciate this time - like, right this second - where I have time to myself, I'm not exhausted, my stomach is tight (ha ha ha, doesn't matter that the reason is a 2 lb baby with a 15 lb uterus :p It's the tightest my abs have ever been!). But, I am so excited for the waiting. The not knowing when it will happen. The chance that it might today. The over-reacting and reading too much into every little contraction. The anticipation.

For those of you who didn't follow me with pregnancy number one... I got grumpy. HA. Maybe, a little, teeny bit of an understatement. I swore I wouldn't get grumpy... I also swore I would never be one of those gross woman on TLC's Baby Story who makes labour sound like an intense orgasm but I failed that mission too (ask my neighbours who had to watch and listen to me pant and whine my way up and down the street while I yelled profanities at my husband). I was a week late, scheduled to be induced and SUPER not happy about it. Sure enough, in the way that it does sometimes, life gave me a slap on the ass and said... "oh, you want your natural labour do ya? Sure. Here it is bitch!". I went into labour the same day that I had a doctors appt where the doc basically said "your baby ain't coming out anytime soon, we're gonna have to induce you..." Well. That just wasn't going to work for me. I ate too much. I ate spicy food. I ate sweet food. I went for a "run" (RUN FOR YOUR LIVES... envision that scene from Jurassic Park where all you see is the pissed off Tyranosaurus in the rear view mirror - crap I was really hoping I could spell that right on my own - Tyranasaurus. Nope. Wait a second. There's no spelling suggestion. WTF? How is Tyrannosaurus AHHHH, there it is, two "n's". NM. I FORCED my husband to have sex with me. This sounds like insanity. Especially if you're a man - to force a man to have sex sounds like forcing a man to eat a Big Mac. But, having sex with a 41 week pregnant woman... it's really only for those with severely screwed up fetishes. And, come midnight, that same day (well, I guess it was "technically" the next day being that it was midnight but I don't subscribe to that line of thinking... if I haven't slept yet, it's still the same day) - anyways, there I was, awake. Alone. In the bath... thinking... hmm... this is different... is this labour???... no... I don't know... it doesn't hurt that bad... I'll wait and see. An hour later, I woke up Dan. An hour later, we woke up Mom. And, for those of you who haven't had your first child yet - everything they tell you about labour - like come to the hospital when your contractions are lasting one minute and four minutes apart or some crap... um. I hate to break it to you. That's BS. My contractions started that way. I actually thought "this ain't that bad... what's everyone bitching about". Um. Yeah. Like 12 hours later, life slapped my ass again and said "here it is bitch" and I all but crawled into L&D, screeching like a Kardashian who lost an earring.

But. The excitement. The anticipation (after they gave me my epidural). Was FANTASTIC! I can't wait for that feeling again. They say when you get married it sucks a little bit because you know you will never experience that excitement of falling in love again or starting a new relationship - actually, they, is me. But, most people get that. It's not a bad thing but it's a little crappy... unless, you're like me, and planning your next wedding with an 80's theme. It will be awesome. Groom to be determined... tee hee hee. Just kidding. No one but my hubby could put up with me. Seriously. Ok, back on track. They lie. The excitement of child birth is in the falling in love again - but so much more, times a bazillion bazillion bazillionth and more.

As much as I'm looking forward to that excitement, I'm also looking forward to the lead-up... I'm pretty much taking a month off work before I'm due. I've saved all my vacay time to use in July and, so, I'm stopping work the end of June and not due until the 26th. Woot woot. Now, this is where life will slap me in the ass and bring the baby on like 3 weeks early - which would be great, yes - but would also take away the valuable couch time I planned on coveting before baby number two's arrival.

Life is what's happening while you're planning it...

I've had a lot of friends get put off work early lately too - on the days when my back hurts, I'm exhausted and I'm sick of squeezing into uncomfortable work clothes, this seems like a blessing. Then, I realize, I'd go insane. So, please let this not be the case for me... everything seems to be going well so far, so fingers crossed. Normally, with your second pregnancy, you might have some indication of whether this might happen to you - based on your first pregnancy experience. But, I was put off work at 25 weeks with my first pregnancy because I was laid off... so it wasn't really an issue. I had no other kids. I had no car. I was basically on bed-rest! :p

I'm excited to see my ob/gyn on Thursday - partly hoping she'll put my mind at ease about this stupid rash - mostly because that step, the next step of being bumped to the ob/gyn stage - means I'm getting there! Oh, and FYI, if you want to feel good about yourself and SKINNY MINNY, pop by the PNC (prenatal care) department when you're only 26 weeks preggers. ha ha ha. It was like being a supermodel in a room full of normal people... don't bother telling me. I know I will regret that statement in 10 weeks, when I'm one of the giant woman who was waddling through the hallways. But, right now, I'm gonna enjoy it! :p The ONLY place a pregnant woman can feel small is in a room full of woman MORE pregnant than she is. It was fantastic.

Ok, I'm off to get my unnecessary pre-bedtime snack. Nighty night girlies!

pityriasis rosea

If you're not medically inclined at all, you're probably thinking that I let Jane have at it with the keyboard...

Nope. Not the case. I've got a diagnosis on my ridiculous bikini line rash that has now spread up the sides of my belly... pityriasis rosea. Originally it had only given me itchy-crotch syndrome (not really my crotch but when you're itching your bikini line and inner thighs, it pretty much looks like your enjoying yourself inappropriately). The last few days though, it's spread up my sides and become quite itchy (see crappy picture I took with my cell phone right now to the left - obviously of my belly as I'm pretty sure I share enough of myself on the WWW, probably don't need pictures of my voo out there too). Out of concern, I dropped into the walk-in clinic today and saw a female physician who pretty much knew right away what it was. And, when I google images of it, looks like she's "spot" on... no pun intended.

Here's the good news. The doc told me there was basically no treatment and that it was "nothing to worry about".

Here's the bad news. I googled it and I'm not sure I have nothing to worry about. Apparently, it more commonly shows up during pregnancy, although the cause is unknown. A really small study was done (Oh, I love studies) and, if you get the rash in the first trimester, you're apparently at high risk for MC. Thankfully, I didn't get it then. I don't remember exactly when I did, however, but I think it was around week 18-20. Which, apparently, means (because it showed up between 15-20 weeks) that I could be at risk for decreased movement and premature delivery. Of course, like I said, this is all based on a study of like less than 40 woman. But, is it enough to have me a little freaked... a little. With all that said, I said to Dan the other night on our date night that I was a little worried because I hadn't been feeling as much movement as I had previously. Now, I fully admitted that I wasn't sure if it was because there was decreased movement OR if it was because I was paying less attention to it. Well, relief for now, because since I fessed up my fear out loud, I've been paying plenty attention and this baby moves like jagger.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to the hopeful peace of mind my ob/gyn can bring in two weeks... hopeful. :)

The stresses of pregnancy. I mean, normal day-to-day, you get a rash... if you've got kids, you likely ignore it because you don't have the time to take care of yourself, and you assume it will go away. Rash during pregnancy... you google the F outta it, find a bunch of scary crap and go see the doc as many times as reasonably possible before they send you to the mental hotel.

SO, why am I telling you this and why do you care?

(1) I'm telling you because maybe someone else out there has what I have and knows a better treatment for it then what the doctor suggested... which was nothing. Also, who else am I gonna share my yucky, weird and wacky, pregnancy-related skin issues with? Talking to my husband about pregnancy symptoms is as emotionally effective as talking to a tree stump - MEN JUST DON'T GET IT. PERIOD. They can fake it. But they don't get it. Dan doesn't get why I'm so tired all the time... um. I'M BUILDING AN ENTIRE PERSON INSIDE MY EFFIN BODY!!! YOU TRY IT!! We saw Jerry Seinfeld perform on date night this past weekend - his insights on parenthood and fatherhood were priceless. He basically said that women, despite having all parenthood duties fall on their laps, at least are blessed with instincts. Apparently, men don't have instincts. Poor guys. Yeah. Well. BOO HOO. If you don't have instincts then you should listen to me when I speak and do as I say! :p Yes, this is what I would call a random, hormone-induced, pregnancy rant. It's over now. You're welcome for that glimpse into your future if you've never been pregnant or PMS-ing before.
(2) You probably don't care. HA. But it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

Anyways, I'm going to go now after likely wasting the last 4 minutes of your time... mostly because it's a pain in the you-know-what to use the computer right now because I can't put the laptop on my lap because the added heat makes my pity rash itch like crazy. Not really the best condition for one who blogs and spends her other spare time designing invitations on the computer... WIN.

why i love daycare

I've been thinking about writing about daycare for a long time but needed the inspiration. I found it this morning. It's timely. First, because my sister's just recently decided (after being back to work for a month and barely working a full week due to sick kids) to get a nanny and pull the girls out of daycare. Secondly, because this decision, led to questions from my daycare-friend-moms about whether I ever considered doing the same.

Short answer. HELL NO.

Do I understand the benefits of nannies? HECK YES. We had a live-in nanny growing up (because we were loaded rich - LIE - my mom was a nurse and my dad worked for the city), and she was AWESOME and I turned out freakin' amazingly. :p Do I judge you for keeping your kids at home? NOPE. Do I worship you for having the balls, patience, energy to be a stay at home mom? UNDOUBTEDLY. I couldn't do it. Working makes ME a better Mom - the time I get with Jane is SO precious, so valued, that I am always present - I mean not just in the room! (ok, not always, we'll say 95% of the time - I'm pregnant for crying out loud, I'm only 60% present in this world at any point because the other 40% of the time I'm in la-la-land).

So. Daycare. Oh, the controversy. So many people for, so many people against. Drama, drama. All nuts if you ask me. With everything, I say - DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU - and judge not what works for others. Or, at least, keep it to yourself. :p

Jane's been in daycare since she was 12 months old. I remember our first visit to the daycare when Jane was maybe a week old for our tour. No idea why we went on the tour this early but we did. MISTAKE. You know what you're like a week after your first child is born... um, can we say bubble wrap? Walking through a daycare, envisioning your one week old there, is a little challenging... I hated it. I think I cried because I couldn't imagine every dropping my BABY off to this crazy, dirty (not really but it's daycare! There's crap everywhere!), insane place. Little did I know that 12 months later, this is what my house would look like. :p Twelve months later, I was happy to drop her off. She was a walking, talking, silly monkey and I couldn't keep up with the mommy guilt that I faced daily because I worried I wasn't doing enough to help her develop, that I wasn't doing enough to keep her busy, that I was just passing each day away, waiting for the day to be over instead of enjoying every moment.

Since then, she has blossomed. She is learning SO MUCH. She has close friends that she loves, and I love, that have been with her since the very beginning. It's consistency. It's routine. It's peace of mind for me.

I remember last Spring, driving in the car with her. I was trying to teach her how to count to 3.. So, I'm repeating over and over "1... 2....3.... can you count to three Jane?". She counts to ten behind me and I near go off the road. So. Here's a confession. I didn't teach my daughter to count, daycare did. I also didn't teach her her ABCs, daycare did. I reinforce these things at home and, by God, Dan and I have taught her a lot, but THIS is why I love daycare. The teachers are educated child experts - they know what your child is capable of before you do. Good teachers reinforce the lessons you are teaching at home - manners, discipline, potty training, everything.

But here's the key. You have to build a relationship with the teachers. If you don't talk to them, if you don't tell them your concerns, your priorities, everything, then how the heck do you expect them to get the best out of your child? Every morning I drop Jane off, I talk to her teachers. I tell them if she had a good breakfast. I tell them if she slept well. I tell them what kind of mood she's in. I tell them if she's been doing well with using the potty. Anything I can tell them that will help them better understand my child, I do.

Aside from what Jane learns, it's how she's developing that I love. I can give a lot of credit to daycare for this. Jane was a little shy when she was younger. She still is with adults a little but, with kids, no more. For example, this weekend we went to this family roundup at a local farm. Jane immediately gravitated to another girl her age, trying to talk to her, playing with her, and running to sit with her when we went in to eat. She didn't hang at my side. When her friend went to a spot at the table for lunch, Jane went with her friend, not with me. I loved it. I was so proud of her. I was so happy to see Jane confidently approach and try to make friends with another child. It was one of those "my baby is grown up" moments. Daycare exposes Jane to different kids all day long, all the time. Yes, she is in a room with pretty much the same 11 kids every day. But, every once in a while, a kid leaves, a new one comes, and everyone has to adjust. Plus, when they are outside playing, there's a ton of kids of all different ages. It makes me so happy when I show up to pick Jane up and see her playing and talking to another kid who I don't even know! :)

What I also love, that I know others hate, is that every 12 months or so, the kids are moved to a new room and, thus, get new teachers. Is it an adjustment, yes. But, do I feel like it's beneficial? HECK YES. Fact is, Jane is spending as much time at daycare as she is at home. So, the people who are teaching her and in the "teacher/mommy/guardian" role are having a huge impact on who she is, who she will become, what she learns, etc. Do I want one person impacting who my child becomes or a variety of people? Personally, I like a variety. Jane learns something new from every one of the new personalities and styles of teachers that she has to adjust to. I love that she will be influenced by many different people over the course of her four years in daycare. If she spent the day with someone just like me, then she would turn out just like me, and as perfect as I am, I don't know if I (or Dan) could handle another person just like me! :p tee hee hee. I also feel that this structured change is a great preparation for school which, scarily, is just right around the corner. Not technically. But, time flies! Once this baby in my belly is in daycare, Jane will only have ONE YEAR left of daycare before she starts SCHOOL! OMG, OMG, OMG. Don't even get me started on how I'm not going to handle that.

So those are the main reasons I love MY daycare. I've heard horror stories. I know it doesn't work for everyone and for every child. Are there things I don't like about daycare, yes. There are things I don't like about chocolate - the calories mostly - too. But I still prefer it. :)

I wish I could see what Jane was doing all day. Once. Do I think the daycares with webcams are smart? Nope. Sorry. I bet the parents think it's great when they sign up. To me, checking in on a snapshot of your child's day is inaccurate and just plain crazy. Imagine the guilt if you check in an see your child crumpled on the floor, screeching? HOW DARE THEY! WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY CHILD! What you missed was your child whacking another child across the face with a toy. A snapshot is not accurate or fair, in my opinion, although I understand the draw of feeling a part of your child's day. There are sometimes I wish I could see how Jane was interacting and what types of things she likes to do during the day. But, often, when I  pick her up, I'll watcht her as long as I can before she sees me and I get a glimpse of this. Sometimes it's good - when she's singing or reading stories to her friends. Sometimes it's bad - like when she's crying in the corner BECAUSE she's just been disciplined for flooding the bathroom by leaving the sinks on and spraying the water everywhere (tee hee hee).

K, cutting myself off. I'm pretty sure I've been writing for an hour which means this post is super, extra, way-too long. Face it, you don't tune into my blog for a short, concise blurb....

PS - Coming tomorrow - a guest post from a real, live, daycare teacher - I'd say one of the world's best, in my opinion - with tips for surviving daycare and getting the most out of it for you child!

My Life Update

First of all, what a beautiful long weekend we had! Yesterday was easily 30 degrees out - not a cloud in the sky, it was awesome. We had Jane's pool out both days and yesterday I even hopped in, dress-schmess, to have some fun. Biggest complaint about the sun? Having to worry about sunscreen on Jane. I picked up Aveeno Baby SPF 55 which was the closest thing to "all natural" I could find at our local drug store and I'm sure it's fine (despite the $15 price tag). However, getting it on Jane 30 mins before "exposure" and making sure it's all over is an interesting challenge. I mean, how do you tell a 1 year old "no, you have to stay inside for 30 minutes now because your sunscreen has to dry"... even I didn't want to stay in yesterday for 30 minutes. I think I have to get her one of those SPF bathing suits. Her current bathing suit is more fashion than function. And, yesterday, not thinking, Dan and I were so excited about getting her in the pool that I applied the sunscreen and immediately plopped her down in the pool and watched this milky water float away from her skin as all the protection washed away. So, then, I worried the entire time she was swimming that she was burning to a crisp but, alas, she was fine. Noted for later though. Second complaint... Jane hates sunglasses. SHOCKER. I think we'd all hate sunglasses if they didn't strategically cover up the fact that I'm not wearing any makeup and look like I have two black eyes under here. I bought her those Baby Bandz to try and keep them on her and instead she just pulls on them so they are sideways on her face (resulting in a tantrum) or around her neck - choking hazard much? She's half-good at wearing a hat so that's been a fairly decent alternative, except that usually expires after 20-30 mins and then the hat goes in the pool.

FAB news - Jane finally slept through the entire night. She's been sick with a head cold so my expectation of her sleeping through the night right now was about as high as expecting someone to drop a million bucks on my doorstep. Regardless, Sunday morning I woke up... it was 6am. I didn't have to look at the clock. I knew that I had been asleep for a long time. I knew it was passed the usual 3-4am wake up. When I saw 6am, I was shocked. I searched my brain as hard as I could to try and remember if I she had woken up or not... I mean, sometimes I'm literally not conscious when I go in her room. But I hadn't. Shock. WOOHOO. Of course, I was not about to brag about it. No telling everyone. No posting on Facebook (Nancy :p). And, of course, after a full day of play, sun, exhaustion, I made mistake number one - I expected her to sleep through the night again. Ha ha ha. The Goddess of sleep bitch-slapped me last night. Jane woke up at midnight and didn't, literally, didn't fall back to sleep until after 4am. She's never done that to me ever. An hour or two, yes, but four hours... I even took her into bed with me, thinking, "ahhh, she's sick, maybe she just wants her Mommy" and it worked for about 3 minutes until she woke up, sat up straight and started laughing at the fan. Awesome.

Hey want some more good news? Those damn ants found a new home and a new way into my house. Last night, I'm sitting in my livingroom and feel this tickle on my arm and YUCK ant. Look down and there's at least 5-6 of those buggers crawling around my feet. I can still feel them all over me. So, I made my little borax ant killer crap and set out outside. Finally, we found their home last night and I poured my mix all over the suckers. As opposed to my previous guilt about killing them, this time I said "hasta la vista baby" and I hope those creepers die for good. :p Anger much? I'm tired, obviously. Don't cross me when I'm tired. Worse? Tired and hungry. My husband practices evasive maneuvers when I'm tired and hungry.

A quick update on the breastfeeding. Jane's basically weaned herself off the boob during the day now. She just will not take it. I think this is common as it's easier for babes to get milk out of the bottle vs. the boob (which they often have to work hard at to get the "let down"). So, she gets bottles throughout the day - two formula, two half-formula, half-homo (full fat) milk). Is it ok to mix formula and homo milk? Cause I have and so far it's not seemed to hurt. Jane definitely didn't jump right on the homo milk train and still refuses a little when I give her those half-n-half bottles. But she's getting there. She still takes boob if she wakes at night. FYI for those ladies still suffering from engorgement. At this point, for me, not an issue. Because we have weaned so gradually, my boobs have slowly adjusted and I've yet to have any discomfort.  

Jane officially starts daycare the week after her birthday (June 5th is her birthday). We take that week to "transition" - so day one we stay together for an hour or two, day two she stays alone for an hour or so, day three she stays alone for a few hours, etc. etc. By Friday, she is there all day. Honestly, for those of you who are "newer" Moms and are still thinking you'll never be able to leave your baby again and go back to work. You likely will. Some of you won't want to and won't do it and that's fine. But, trust me, when Jane was 6-7 months, I was still not ready but I am now. Of course, I feel mommy guilt in saying that. Obviously, I would love to spend every day of the rest of my life hanging out with Jane. But, I'm ready to get out of the house. There's a few girls on my street who have home daycares, so we meet them and the kids at the playground during the day. Jane plays with all the other babes and kids and doesn't even notice if I'm there or not... she loves it. This definitely gives me peace of mind for the transition. Although, I know it will still be hard. God help me if she cries when I leave. I think the key will be, making it as I do at home - when Mommy leaves, no big deal - kisses, waves, an "I'll be back" (not Arnold S style) and gone. No biggie. We'll see how that goes. I'm likely to sit outside the daycare for the entire two hours in case she hurts herself or I can hear her crying! :p tee hee hee. Not really. Maybe. Hopefully not.

Ok, gotta go. Jane napping. Mommy going to watch 24 finale.

Reminiscing

Eight months. I can't believe eight months have passed since my little sweetie pie was born. Time flies is an understatement.

Remember when we were younger? Remember when the summer seemed to take an eternity to arrive? And, when it finally did, those two months seemed to last forever? What happened to those days? Is it that we become so busy in our "old age" that time seems to go by faster because we aren't paying as much attention to life as we used to? Hmmm.

Recently, Dan and I sat down and looked through all our pictures from 2009. The pregnant belly pictures, the pictures taken after Jane was born, our first few days home... it's not until we revisited these moments that we realize just how much has happened in a year and how much time has passed. Jane has changed so much. She has grown from a helpless newborn into a little lady, full of personality and always looking for trouble. Everything she does makes me laugh. It's so hard not to crack a smile when she's doing something "bad" and I'm saying "no. no. no." over and over. Already she reminds me a little of myself.

We remembered when we were bouncing-around-the-room excited because she was reaching up to hit the toy hanging from her activity center, unable to move herself much more than a swinging arm. Now, every day is a new development... eating solids, sitting up, first bites of toast, crawling, "talking", feeding herself, drinking from a sippy cup, pulling herself up - it never ends! I've been trying to teach her "party tricks" lately like waving, blowing kisses and clapping. She thinks it's all pretty funny at this point, watching Mommy act like a crazy person to try and get a reaction out of her. Anything for a smile!

I've started looking for jobs. I remember when Jane was weeks old and I barely put her down. She slept on my chest for naps. I never left her for more than an hour. The thought of leaving her for more than a few hours would have broken my heart. Now, the thought is less heart breaking. I know, in the long run, it will be good for her to socialize at daycare. I know, for me, it will be nice to get back to myself a bit more. Being a Mom is the most important part of me but it's not the entirety of me. I have other dreams and goals as well. Despite the guilt I feel in going back to work and in looking forward to it, I know that Jane will be proud of her Mom once she is old enough to understand it all.

I think of what we have to look forward to - first words, birthdays, first steps - so many firsts. It seems so far away right now but eight months ago, crawling and eating solids seemed like far-off thoughts.

Eight months. I honestly can't believe it. Time flies.

PS - Pictures above our from another one of our "photoshoots"... taken last week.

For My Hubby

Today is my hubby's Birthday. His first Birthday as a Daddy (although, I'm sure he'd say he was a Daddy last year too seeing as he's loved our little bug as much as I since we first knew of her existence). So, I thought I'd write him a little love note to surprise him on his Birthday.

I remember your first Birthday that we celebrated together as a couple. We had only been dating for just a few days over a month. Typically, I would have been stressed. In most of my previous relationships I would have been so insecure about what to do for a Birthday, especially after only being together a month - do I buy him something? do I just do a dinner thing? am I supposed to do both? am I supposed to do anything? maybe just a card? and a cake? if I do buy him something, what should I buy him? clothes? something sentimental? Holy crap, it'd be easier to just dump the guy! :p But, for you, it was different. I wanted to buy you everything. I wanted to do everything. Although, we were only a month into our relationship we had already said "I love yous", we hadn't spent a day apart, you were basically moved in to my place, we knew this wasn't a "typical" relationship.

Six years later... look at us. Yes, there are days when I want to kill you. Yes, there are days (obviously, less days) when you want to kill me. ha ha ha. :p But we're best friends. Even when I'm mad at you, I have to try my hardest not to laugh at how "stupid" you can be some times and, even more hilarious, your attempt at apologies... bringing me home chocolate.

We don't pretend to be perfect, you and I. Many of our friends get a kick out of our constant banter back and forth. But that's what makes us work - we're 100% honest with each other, we don't hold anything back and we always tell each other when we're pissed about something. Because of this, from the outside, it may look like we're always at each other - to us, it's what ensures that, at the end of the day, we are laughing together... we're not bitter with each other, we're not ticking time bombs waiting for the "right" moment to explode into a giant blow-up, we're laughing and content.

I don't think it surprised either one of us that we would transition into being parents so easily. We were both aware of the challenges that we'd have to overcome and we talked our a**es off about it before Jane was born. We're both well aware of each others strengths and weaknesses and, so, we know what will be more challenging for the other and we've done pretty well at supporting each other and not criticizing when those "weaknesses" show themselves. This is one of our biggest strengths as a couple... really knowing each other and working (always working) to understand and accept the differences.

I could sit here now and write about how you have surpassed my expectations as a Father... how you are a better Dad than I ever envisioned. But that'd be a lie. I knew from the minute I started thinking about you as a Dad that you would be a great Dad. Where you have surpassed my expectations is as a husband after becoming a Father. To be a good Dad and a good husband are two completely separate things. You have done your best to make my life easier this year, to make sure I was happy, to make sure I could focus my attention at being a great Mom (which I obviously am :p)... and that's what a great husband does. You are a great husband (95% of the time, 5% I want to kill you, ha ha ha, hmmm... actually, it's likely more like 85-15ish, ha ha ha).

So, this Birthday will be unlike all of your others. Instead of getting spoiled rotten, going out for a fancy, expensive dinner and drinking too much, we will probably order in, eat on the floor while playing with Janers and be in bed by 10pm. I know you. I know, to you, this will be your best Birthday yet.

I love you soooo much. I know you don't believe me most of the time but it's true. :)

Me xo

Sedan or Mini-Van?

I'm not buying a new car... I don't have a job, remember? :p

Now that I've had my first baby, the comment/question I get all the time is about "the next one" - "time to have another now eh?", "when are you having the next one", etc. As soon as you're in a committed relationship, the questions start...

Committed relationship - "When are you guys getting engaged?"
Engaged - "When you are guys getting married?"
Married - "When are you guys having babies?"
Baby (singular) - "When are you having the next one?", "How many are ya going to have?"

I got this last question a few weeks ago from my Dad. My answer was unchanged from my childhood dreams of having "two kids and a golden retriever". :p If I had a golden retriever right now, I'd be giving it away cause Molly weighs 8 lbs and drives me crazy enough as it is! I've always wanted two kids. I think mostly because I grew up with one sibling in the house (two "step" brothers who were older). It was great growing up with someone to count on and someone to play "work" and barbies with. I want Jane to have that same companionship.

Then he asked me a second question, "if money weren't an issue, how many kids would you have?". Hmmm - would I want a sedan or a mini-van? I never really considered that. I mean, right now, in the real world, I can't imagine having more than two kids because of the expense of it. I want my kids to grow up like I did - having everything they needed (need being key, not want, need). We were spoiled but not so spoiled that we were "spoiled rotten" - big difference. Spoiled is getting the things you need and some "surprises" but appreciating them. Spoiled rotten is getting more than you deserve and expecting it... and throwing a tantrum if you don't get it (these kids drive me bananas - actually, scratch that, the parents of these kids drive me bananas).

My answer? "More than two". If I were wealthy, I think I would have more than two kids. I didn't know how much I would love being a Mom and, obviously, you can never know how much you will love your children, until they arrive. More money wouldn't make me want more kids just so I could "spoil" them but also so that I could hire help. I don't think I'd want a full-time "Nanny" as I don't think that money would change the fact that I want to spend all the time I can with my kids. But someone to help with the nonsense - cleaning, shopping, massaging (oops, did I say that out loud :p Come on people, I'm living in the dream world here). And, perhaps, this person would give me an hour a day to myself... to exercise (HAH, yeah right), or get a bath, or read a book, etc. Is that a Nanny? I don't know what a Nanny does exactly (ok, I know they don't give massages, but that's it).

With that said, I don't think I'd have 4 or 5 kids, even if I was rich (not judging, that's just my thought). I think 3 though. When I was at the docs recently, there was a Mom there with a 9 month old little boy. She was a little older, obviously. After chatting with her for a second (that's all it takes with Moms), she mentioned she had two other children - an 18 year old and a 15 year old. I looked at her shocked (I mean, this 9 month old had to be a "surprise"). Her response to my lack of composure? "I missed having a baby in the house. I missed being completely needed and depended on." Huh. I get it. Everyone's got different reasons.

So, I'm interested...

How many kids do you want (or have)?

Does money affect your decision?

Interesting thought. Actually, it makes me kind of sad. It sucks that money dictates my life (or our lives) as much as it does.

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Bitter-Sweet

I expected that having a baby would add new challenges to being married. So, I am not surprised that there are moments when I'd like to kill my husband and, I'm positive, vice versa. I decided to write this post after a disagreement on the weekend about the difference in our lives right now, and by lives I mean having a life vs. not having one.

What am I bitter about? Well for starters, how about the fact that pregnancy turned my body into a never-ending project? I have to lose weight, my boobs leak, I have pimples all over my face, my hair is shedding like a dogs, I have a new vajajay courtesy of le doc du jour, I am in a constant state of sleep-deprivation, I sweat like a singing Whitney Houston, etc. Obviously my husband has none of these issues. Secondly, and most dramatic of all our differences is the "life" situation. When I refer to "life" - I mean outside the house activities - sports, time with friends, etc. I think it's important that our husbands maintain parts of their life - we want them out of the house sometimes! :) My issue is this... I would like a little empathy, not sympathy, for the fact that it is nearly impossible for me to have a life right now and, aside from that, my life is so completely changed that having a life isn't even desirable as I know as soon as I leave the house to have this "life", I'll just worry about the consequences of me being gone - Will Jane get hungry? Will she cry the entire time? What if something happens and I'm not there? Husbands have it pretty easy. They don't have to worry about these things when they go out, they just go! I wish it was understood that not only is our new job as a Mom physically exhausting but it's also mentally exhausting... my mind will never be at ease again. I wish our husbands could just be us for 24 hours... that's the only way they can get it. I don't want to go off and do stuff on my own. The "life" I want now is doing things with my family. When I'm not given the time to have this life because my husband's life interferes, it's not a pretty sight.

What am I sweet about? Mostly that my husband is very willing and capable when it comes to taking care of Jane. I've been comfortable leaving her alone with him for a few hours since day one. He's a great Dad and so in love with his "little bug" as he calls her. He's also very understanding about most of the things listed at the beginning of the "bitter" side of this post, which makes it easier on me. He's always trying to make me feel beautiful, even when my hair is a mess (pretty much every day), I stink from sweating buckets all day, and I feel like a cow. His compliments usually get brushed off, but he persists, and he knows I appreciate every one. He's also made an effort to help out more around the house - cleaning, cooking sometimes, and being my third arm when I need it (can you get me a glass of water? can you pass that wipe? can you open the window?).

I had to write this post after my Mom, sister, and girlfriend all claimed to have experienced the "life" arguments and frustrations with their husbands. I would have thought, pre-baby, that the difficulties that would arise in my marriage would be more baby-related... who's on diaper duty, who reads the books, etc. It's hard to understand how much your life will change after your sweetie arrives, until it's hitting you in the face or, should I say, hitting you somewhere else! :p My advice on dealing with this challenge - find a way to CALMLY explain it to your husband (this is my problem - I am rarely calm) and talk to your Mommy-girlfriends! They will "get it" and they will give you the empathy that you need.

Jen :)

"Early Labour"

My contractions have been increasingly painful since midnight, every 2-4 mins. Went to the hospital, but according to the nurses, I'm only about 2cm dilated, which means I'm not in "active" labour. Was sent home until either my water breaks, I have bleeding or the pain gets too intense. The pain is pretty nasty but only lasts for about 30 seconds during each contraction. If I take 7 deep breaths that gets me through the pain, so I start counting down with each breath once a contraction starts! :p

I have no idea how long I have to wait. Wishing there was a way to check your own cervix dilation to see if I was progressing at all. I'm hoping my water breaks or else I'll eventually have to say, enough is enough. Otherwise, they will still wait until Sunday to give me the Cervidil to dilate me... which would mean I'd be awake for four days straight as sleep is impossible because of the pain.

The pain is significantly more intense when I'm standing/walking, as contractions come one after the other so I'm struggling with wanting to walk to dilate more vs. wanting to sit to reduce the pain. Currently I'm on the "sitting" plan. The bath is great, reducing my contractions and pain, but I get over-heated and can't stay in for too long.

May update again before I give up and head to the hospital... otherwise, you'll hear from me when this is all over and our baby is here! :)

Jen

Docs Appt Update

Currently swallowing my sorrows in a bowl of frozen yougurt... a large bowl. Docs appt this morning confirmed what I already believed, nothing is happening. The doc couldn't even do a good "sweep" because of the position of my cervix. I'm so disappointed. I wanted to cry when she checked me, I could tell right away that it wasn't "good" news.

So, the plan of "attack" is as follows - Sunday morning we'll be admitted to outpatient "cervical ripening" (sounds like a party). They'll start with Cervidil, prostaglandin gel, to dilate my cervix. I'll be monitored for an hour to make sure baby is OK, then they kick me out for six hours after which I come back to see where we're at. If there's no change, they'll double the dose and try again. What happens next depends on how my body responds. The Cervidil could stimulate labour or I may have to get Pitocin (oxytocin), to simulate contractions. It's really frustrating and disappointing to have to be induced. I feel like I've done everything "right" my whole pregnancy and now my body's failing me. Sorry to whine, but it's just one of those days! I know once Jane is here I will not give a hoot how the heck she got here. We have been very lucky so far, so I am thankful.

In the meantime, I'm praying that, by some miracle, my body decides to kick into gear before Sunday and I'll avoid induction altogether. Unlikely, but who knows! I had some extraordinarily good soup for lunch that my friend says is sure to stimulate labour (thanks Karalynn!)... you'll get full credit! :)

Despite all the crappity-crap above, I am SO excited about finally getting to meet our little girl in the next few days. I know it will all be worth it in the end.

Jen :)

See no baby, hear no baby, speak no baby...

Morning...

Well, the only surprise at this point is that I'm not grouchy about being overdue. I expected to be overdue and hoped I wouldn't turn into a grumpy pregnant lady, but who can predict these things?!?!

No changes since the last update on Saturday. Still having a lot of braxton-hicks, sometimes having 2 to 3 in 15 minutes, but they are quite irregular and unpredictable. Apparently, the b-h are strengthening my uterine muscle and preparing my cervix so I'm hoping that this means my labour will be easier... ha ha ha, unlikely! All I can tell you is they make me uncomfortable and make my belly so hard you could bounce a coin off it... which is not something I've ever said or will say again about my belly! :p

Had an exciting moment last night... baby was moving more than ever before, causing a lot of contractions. I started having some painful cramps in my lower pelvis, which I thought was just her head-butting my bladder as usual. But it lasted significantly longer than usual and accompanied a contraction so we thought it might be early labour. We were disappointed 20 minutes later when I hadn't had another contraction. Must sound crazy to wish for painful contractions, I know! I am hoping, at least, that all that movement was her engaging further and increasing the pressure on my cervix. Remaining positive! :)

According to the poll, the majority seem pretty convinced this baby will come in the next 3 days, so fingers crossed! My Mom is flying in tomorrow, so perhaps baby will realize we are all ready for her now and then decide to make her grand entrance!

Will update you again on Wednesday, unless anything changes in the meantime.

Jen :)

40 Week Update - Due Date :)

Hi Everyone,

Today is my due date which apparently means nothing. I think that the pregnant women should clarify two things for those who are not pregnant or are trying to conceive:

(1) Pregnancy is NOT 9 months! It's at least 9 1/2 to 10 months. 9 months is a lie some man made up so women would continue to procreate!
(2) Ignore your due date! My advice? Take it, add the 10 days you can expect to be overdue and accept this as your due date. If baby arrives before this, you'll be ecstatic vs. grouchy for being overdue! :)

I'm in a better mood today than I was last Saturday. My doc gave me peace of mind this week - if I'm not in labour by Thursday, I'll be induced next weekend. I can wait a week! Obviously I would be happier to go naturally but give me another week and I'll be over that dream! So exciting knowing that Jane will be with us next weekend, if not before!

I may be losing my mucous plug... everyone says "you'll know", however, my doc said on Thursday that it sounds like mine's coming out in pieces. I'm quite sure I had another "piece" this morning so we'll see if anything starts in the next few days (sorry, I tried to get that out with minimal detail)! :p I'm starting to get uncomfortable. My back is aching, there's a lot of pressure in my belly, and my body is constantly tired. I'm waking up 8-10 times a night to pee, which is getting annoying. I don't have any swelling, stretch marks, or varicose veins so I've been lucky so far. Baby is still kicking like a maniac. I keep telling her that if she wants out she has to come out the old fashion way!

Check for updates this week. If I go into labour, I may have enough time at home beforehand to let everyone know what's going on and how I'm feeling.

Jen :)

I understand there's been some issues with commenting, I've tried to fix it... you can leave comments by clicking on the link at the top right of the post :)

Docs Appt Update

Back from my docs appointment and all is well. Baby's heart rate was good again which is a relief. I'm constantly worried about her since our little scare two weeks ago.

Had another physical and I'm still only 1cm dilated. All these braxton-hicks for nothing! :p She did a membrane sweep again too so hopefully it will get things going in the next few days. I'm not getting my hopes up this week though as last week it did nothing but make me grouchy! FYI... for the other moms-to-be, neither sweep caused me any discomfort. Doc also said that they will let me go another week and then schedule an induction... so, worst case, I will have baby Jane next weekend! YIPEE! Can't wait to see her and, hopefully, see that she is a healthy baby girl.

Now, I wait... sleep has been more difficult the last few nights with a lot of pressure in my "lowers" and the whole peeing 45 times a night issue so I'm going to try and nap, relax, etc. for the next few days in preparation for the upcoming "marathon".

Will keep you posted on ANY changes. I'm interested in hearing all the labour stories I can as I have no idea what to expect! If you're willing to share, leave your story in the "comments" section.

Jen :)

PS - This cartoon made my day... it's so true it's not funny!

Lady in Waiting...

Still preggers, as expected, no signs of anything different. Woke up this morning with a cramp and immediately thought "THIS IS IT"! Then, I rolled over and it went away. Ha ha ha :p Every day is so exciting knowing this little one could decide to join us at any time!

Took my pup for a walk as usual and hit the hills hard hoping to stimulate something, but no luck. God love my dog. I'm not sure when, but during my pregnancy she has transitioned from my "baby" to my dog. I used to do anything to make sure little Molly was comfy and content... now I realize I've created a monster! She follows me around all day, is completely disoriented when she can't lay on my lap, trips me up when I'm cooking, etc. Same thing with the cat (a.k.a. little bastard) - who I threaten to kill daily! He's part Siamese and literally barks at me all friggin' day! Not meows, barks! For NO REASON! Chasing him upstairs has become part of my daily workout routine. Truthfully, I love them to death and they are great company but I'm worried about the adjustment once baby arrives and they are knocked further down the totem pole...


Off to do laundry and clean the house for the bazillionth time (nesting). :p

Jen

PS - Mommy Brain is #12 on topbabyblogs.com today, YIPEE!

PPS - This week's Baby Prep Posts will include Prenatal Classes and Packing your Labour and Hospital Bag! Check back often - I update daily!

39 Week Update

Hi Everyone,

Here is my update for 39 weeks. YIPEE, I'm still pregnant!!! That's 200% sarcasm in case it's not obvious.

Yesterday was a beautiful, hot, spring day here and it was brutal! Thank god I don't have to be pregnant through the summer! Sorry for those of you who have to be as yesterday sucked! I was hot, cranky, uncomfortable, swollen, etc. I'm also thinking the whole "membrane sweep" was a bad idea as far as my attitude goes... it definitely got my hopes up that I'd go into labour earlier and now I'm slightly agitated that I don't feel any different and, therefore, am unlikely to pop this baby out today! :p ha ha ha.

Even my Baby Centre update says "if you're reading this email, you probably haven't given birth yet"... rubbing it in. It also says that 75% of babies come after their due date... the truth is best left unsaid in this case! I just want to see/hold this baby already and be able to tie my shoes, and bend over, and get off the couch on my own! And I don't want to waddle anymore! I want my cute, womanly walk back! And I want to use all this darn baby stuff that's all over my house already! :p

I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights. I think my braxton-hicks are waking me up as they are definitely longer and stronger lately and it becomes quite difficult to remain comfortable. Baby continues to "lighten" (move down) and as she does my belly points further out. I actually lost weight this week but feel twice as big, go figure!

Daddy-to-be Dan is playing in an ultimate frisbee tourney this weekend in the valley (an hour away). He's got his cell and has basically sworn to check every 5 seconds to see if I've called...he's already called 3 times and he's only been gone for 3 hours - "checking his reception" he says, too cute! He's so excited!

Well that's it for this week. Obviously I will keep everyone posted if anything changes. I pre-apologize for next week's pregnancy update because if there is a PREGNANCY update next week, I likely won't be able to joke about it all as much as I have today! ha ha ha. As my friend Kristie has said, "pray for the rupture". ha ha ha.

Jen :)

Docs Appt Update

Hi Everyone,

Had my weekly docs appointment today, which I love! My doctor is great!

Anyways, thankfully, after the "scare" last week, everything was perfect today. They checked baby's heart rate while I was on my back and it was back to the 130 range - PHEW!!

Also, I am a little excited as the Doc asked me if I wanted a physical to see "where I was at" and I was ALL OVER that! Then, she asked me if I wanted a "membrane sweep"...which coincidentally I just read about on Baby Centre last night. OF COURSE, I said yes! I have no expectations, but the doc said that in some women this stimulation of the cervix can help move labour along and, if nothing else, helps decrease the chances that you will be overdue. She also mentioned she's on call this weekend which made me giddy with the thought of going into labour this weekend! YIPEE! Ok, like I said, no expectations, but a girls gotta dream! :p

I'm on my way out the door to go for a walk now. I've been walking in my subdivision every morning and it's just full of large hills...I find when I walk downhill, I feel a lot of pressure in my lower belly so I'm hoping this may help "speed things along". Also, and I warned him, I'm "forcing" my hubby to have sex tonight as I read at the docs office that there is a little truth to that myth...apparently there are prostaglandins (hormones) in male sperm that can help "ripen" the cervix. So, I'm hitting the baby with a one-two punch today and we'll see if it works!!

Keep ya posted!

Jen :)

PS - I'm now 34th on topbabyblogs.com (see icon below) - Keep voting for me! I'm on page 1, yipee!

38 Weeks Preggers Update

Hi Everyone,

Almost there! Here's your update for this week...as I'm saying this, in the corner of my eye, I'm seeing my right side do leaps and bounds as baby kicks the heck outta me! She's definitely NOT doing the whole "less movement because I have no room in here anymore" thing that everyone keeps warning me about.

Baby and I had an "interesting" visit to the docs this week (during my regular weekly appt) that resulted in me being hooked up to the fetal monitor for 30 mins...when they laid me on my back to check baby's heart rate it was quite low - around 104 bpm. So they had me lie on my side and re-took the heart rate a few mins later and it was on the low side of normal, around 120 bpm. SO, just to be careful my doc sent me up to the "early labour" room (which was slightly exciting) to get monitored to make sure all was well...I love my doctor for being super cautious and taking good care of me. Soon as the nurse hooked me up to the monitor, she started watching the heart rate and saying that it was "textbook" and everything looked fine...that baby may just have a lower baseline at this point and may be more sensitive to me lying on my back...which makes me feel justified for forcing myself to sleep on my side every night since my first trimester! I watched the monitor the whole time and her heart rate ranged between 115ish - 147ish - I could see it skyrocket when I felt her kicking and moving around in my belly, kind of cute! Majority of the time though it was in the mid-high 120s so I knew that everything was ok. Thankfully she actually kicked the docs hand a few times during my checkup so everybody was very calm about the whole thing and, as a result, I didn't get nervous or stressed. Honestly, I think I'm more nervous now, after the fact, and suddenly paying closer attention than usual to make sure she continues to move a lot. I figure if this is the only "hiccup" I have with this pregnancy, it's a blessing! Anyways...that was this week's "fun" ha ha ha. Can't imagine what next week could bring ;) Sooooo thankful everything was ok. Of course, Mom and Dan are now further convinced this is just another sign I'm going to have this baby before my due date...both now convinced it's happening next week! I hope they're right but I refuse to buy into it :)

As for everything else, as the babycentre.ca update says - "you may be feeling huge" - I'm not FEELING huge people, I am HUGE!! ha ha ha. Apparently I'm measuring right on and my weight is good, but seriously, I'm a giant person! Most days I'm really not uncomfortable. I found that, during my second trimester, a lot of my mom-friends were telling me how horrible the third trimester is and how you are sick of being pregnant, so uncomfortable and blah blah blah...I've felt like that on occasion because of a little discomfort, but honestly, it isn't that bad! Don't tell anyone I said this but I think sometimes, only sometimes, us women exaggerate to get a little extra sympathy, a few extra foot rubs, etc. ;) ha ha ha. I've been telling my pregnant girlfriends who are just in their first or second trimester that it's really not bad and they are appreciating the more positive view as, like I said, everyone seems to be telling them that's it's awful! On the other side of it though, I am completely ready and excited to meet this baby! YIPEE! It's so close...every day now I'm wondering if today's the day!?!?! I could have a sweet little baby this time next week!

We've officially got two weeks left now until my due date! Can't believe how quickly the time has gone by...I sat in the nursery today just thinking about how much time has passed since we found out we were pregnant in September and how far away it all seemed to be at that point. Now it's here!

If I am so blessed to have this baby next week...then considered yourselves notified that next week's update will be nothing except gushing... "i love this and i love that and she's so cute and she's so special and i love her so much and i can't believe how beautiful she is and did I mention how cute she was?...." ha ha ha.

Jen