Jul 26, 2012

Emily Lauren

After A LOT of walking - basically non-stop activity from 1am until delivery, I was sent to an l&d room at 4pm ish, at 4 cms and we'll just say by the time anesthesiology got there, I was more than ready for my epi... Platelets were great, thank God, as I would have died without the good stuff.

Resident checked me at 5sh, and was a good 6-7cms. Chopped sticked me - broke my water - and immediately went to 10 cms.

Began pushing at 6 ish. Pushed three times. A dream.

Sweet Emily Lauren arrived happily and healthily at 6:04pm, 7 lbs 5 oz, looking just like her big sis - dark full head of hair! A great feeder already so fingers crossed for continuation!

Pics to come!

Jul 25, 2012

things to do when you might be in labour...

Here's my - apparent - list of things to do when you think you MIGHT be in labour...

(1) Lie in bed for 2 hours convincing yourself that, even though you are having "cramps" and generally feel like things are happening, you're not in labour.

(2) Clean your floors. By hand. With multiple Clorox wipes.

(3) Clean your appliances.

(4) Don't sit down. No matter what. Don't relax. No matter what. Unless you are OK with risking "false labour". Which. I. Am. Not. I would be out for a walk right now but we're having a thunder and lightning storm and I'm not putting "get struck by lightning" on my list.

(5) Do work on laptop, while STANDING at breakfast bar.

(6) Clean bathroom.

(7) Sweep stairs.

(8) Don't wake up hubby. What's the point of you both being exhausted? Wait until absolutely necessary.

(9) Get a shower, wash your hair, shave your legs, etc. NO BATHS. Every person I spoke with recently who experienced "false labour" did one of the following - sat down, relaxed, got a bath, tried to sleep, etc. If you enjoy false hope, pain without results, etc. fill your boots. I'm not saying that I'm no experiencing false labour, I'm just saying that I'm not doing anything that would calm things down.

(10) Collect the things you didn't put in your labour bag because you needed them NOT to be in your trunk for 3 weeks.

(11) Text your sister knowing full-well she's likely sleeping with her phone next to her, waiting for your call and that, despite your "pretend attempt" to not wake her up, she'll respond immediately. She doesn't need sleep, she's a mom. :p

(12) Start timing contractions.... thankfully, there's an app for that... http://www.thebump.com/calculators/contraction.aspx

(13) Write a blog post about what you've been doing for the last 3.5 hours - still standing.

(14) Paint your nails.

(15) Check Facebook 400 times, even though there's no one else in the world awake right now except very few who are only awake because they are posting inappropriate "mobile uploads"...

(16) Sweat your brains out. Holy crap. It's only 22 degrees in my kitchen right now and you'd think I was in the desert. ARGH!

(17) Eat. I just realized I haven't eaten in the 4.5 hours since I've been awake and now have the spits because I feel like I'm going to barf.

That's it. I could keep going but, I'm praying-begging-hoping that the list will eventually turn into the "things I'm doing DURING labour" list.

It's currently 5:47am. Everyone else is still sleeping - only a MAN could go back to sleep after you tell him you're in labour and to "go back to sleep"... isn't that envious? A woman would have too much on her mind - e.g. my sister, who texted me a bazillion times with ideas to prevent false labour. Dan. Back to sleep, no problem. I called my Mom at 3:30am her time, and I know my Mom, she's totally awake right now. Thankfully, she was flying in at 7am anyways in prep for baby's arrival so that works out pretty well if this is the real-deal.

My mission is to make it so that Dan and I can still drop Jane off at daycare this AM, perhaps on our way to the hospital to get checked out. So far it's looking good. I should not have said that. I'm seriously so superstitious at this point that I'm convinced (1) I'm going to have false labour and (2) If I'm not, I'm going to sit around so long, trying to control everything that I'll have this baby on the kitchen floor. :p

Keep ya posted. PRAYING-HOPING-BEGGING your next update is something along the lines of 8lbs, 2 oz, 21 inches, 3:20pm, July 25th. F. Just cursed myself big time. CRAP. Already out there. Nothing I can do to take it back. ARGH!

Jul 18, 2012

you know you're full term when...

I started this list the other morning at 4am, when I couldn't sleep... which is number one of my list for "You know you're full term when..."

(1) You are exhausted constantly but apparently don't require sleep during the night anymore.

(2) When you get on the scale, you don't know which previously stored weight is your own or your husbands.

(3) You spend your days re-cleaning things you already cleaned, just so you can clean some more... OR, in my case, moving the snowblower, a set of winter tires and all the tool containers around in the garage so that (1) you can sweep out the garage - because that's necessary and (2) have more space around the car to get both kids in and out without bumping into anything.

(4) You re-start the grooming process (or attempt to) of shaving your legs and armpits daily - something you have not done since you were (1) single or (2) in high school, and try (desperately) to make your bikini line less-jungle-princess-esque in fear that at any point 10 or more people will be seeing this side of you up close and personal for several hours. At least.

(5) You over-react to every cramp, pain, sensation, anything that affects the area between your boobs and your upper thighs, telling yourself it's a sign labour is coming soon... I've convinced myself that my nipples have gotten darker in the last 5 days and they have definitely gotten sorer.

(6) You slowly, but surely, come to the realization that "due date" is one of those non-existent, dream-like, aspirations like "goal weight" or "all expense paid vacation".

(7) You're willing to do completely humiliating things in an effort to get the darn baby out of you... par exemple... sex, nipple stimulation, castor oil (if you don't know why this is humiliating, then you aren't full term yet).

(8) You're no longer willing or able to wear socially appropriate maternity clothes and have opted to live in only clothes made of stretchable cotton. I am currently wearing black capri leggings and a white t-shirt. I wouldn't wear skin-tight leggings with a t-shirt in public when I was at my skinniest. But, somehow, because I'm gigantic, I feel the need to share every curve with the entire world. Makes complete sense to me.

That's all I got... feel free to add your own special experiences.

Jul 17, 2012

yup, i'm still pregnant

So please don't call me to check...

Don't you just love this time during your pregnancy where (1) you can't call any member of your family because they answer the phone with an insanely excited "HI!" because they are 100% convinced you're calling to say your water broke... when in fact, you're calling to bitch about the fact that your water hasn't broken or (2) your family and friends are calling you and the first thing you hear after you say "hello" is "no baby yet?"... um. You're my sister. I'm pretty sure, being that you're the one who will be taking care of Jane while I'm in labour, that you might be one of the first to know if I HAD THE BABY! :p

I went for a "run" in my neighbourhood yesterday. I haven't exercised (really, if we're being honest) in like 3 years, since I was pregnant with Jane. So, my theory is... I was a week late with Jane because, lets face it, I had no children so I spent my time lazing around on the couch and doing nothing leading up to labour. Of course now, with a three year old, that life doesn't exist anymore. Added to the fact that I'm nesting like an MF and am cleaning ridiculous things in my house fifteen times a day. I'm thinking, if I keep myself busy and active - i.e. cleaning and walking - then, MAYBE I won't be late. MAYBE. :) So, I went out for a walk yesterday. I will admit... and I hate to admit this. It did feel good to exercise. ARGH. I can't believe I said that out loud.

I will say straight out that there was NO RUNNING in front of the public... as if anyone needs to witness that. Envision Jurassic Park - T-Rex in rearview mirror scene. But there's a great wooded path near my house and I ran start to finish. And by run, I mean I planted my feet hard and probably was going the speed of a normal walking, non-pregnant, individual. When I got out of the woods, I felt so much pressure I was sure my water was going to break. So, when it didn't, I ran the path again... :p ha ha ha. I was convinced I was going to go into labour last night. Nothing. Obviously.

And today, I opted for a nap instead of a run... cause I was zonkered. And it was awesome. And I feel no different then I felt 10 weeks ago. Except the baby has dropped big time in the past week or two. We took Jane to the playground Saturday night after dinner and, for the first time in my life, I understood how bad it would suck to be an obese parent... I could not do anything. I sat on the bench and smiled and laughed and urged Jane on... but I could not move. So uncomfortable.

Did I mention that I'm only having two kids. 100%. As much as it is truly worth it, I will never do this to myself or my body again. Plus, so far (curse the world if I wake up tomorrow morning with a different case), but I've escaped two pregnancies without a stretch mark - which is essentially one of the only long-lasting horrible effects of pregnancy - if you completely ignore your mangled vajajay and saggy boobs.

Called for my bloodwork results today and my platelets dropped a little again. We're at 96 folks. And, now this kinda sucks. Because, I'm so "close" now (I think, hope, pray) that I'm not really interested in being induced. But, then the other part of me is like - argh, what happens if I wait and it does drop? OR, what if I end up going two weeks overdue (death to everyone). But none of that matters because I'm not seeing my own, love-of-my-life doc this week again because she's still on vacay. And, I've seen the doc I'm seeing this week already once and can tell that (1) she is not going to give me a membrane sweep (which will piss me off horribly) and (2) she will not induce me (which is probably the right thing, I think, at this point).

Will keep you posted. Remember when I was all like "oh, I can't wait until I'm 38 weeks pregnant and everyday will be so exciting because of the anticipating of thinking 'will today be the day?'" Um. F. That.

Jul 12, 2012

blogger of the year

You know the old adage (which I originally spelled "attage" btw because I've never used that word in written language before) "if you don't have anything nice to say..."

This is only one excuse why I haven't written on the blog in like a week. The rest are just because I'm busy and lazy! :p

On my facebook page, I mentioned the other day, that I keep hearing from people "oh, you're so happy for 38 weeks!" (considering my size, the weather, etc. I assume)... my response?

"You know when you were in university and you pulled an all-nighter before an exam and the next day you had like insane amounts of energy because you were so over-tired. I'm so over-grumpy, I'm smiling."

And I'm pretty sure people should be scared.

I hate the summer time. My face is itching like a hooker's vajajay (wow, that was inappropriate - apologies, but it's out there now and I can't for the life of me think of another metaphor), my belly is growing by the second (not aided by the midnight binge on nachos and mozza sticks last night I'm sure), I'm barely wearing clothing (and the clothing I'm currently wearing is so completely inappropriate I just made Dan answer the door for UPS) and I am pretty much doing anything I can read about online (exc. all this oils and stuff that scare the poop outta me - and you, literally, apparently if you use them) to get this baby out sooner rather than later. I was driving to pick up Dan and Jane today after work and considered nipple stimulation while I was driving... I mean, HEY, it was gonna take me ten minutes, I might as well multi-task! The only thing that stopped me was the fact that people driving next to me might judge... unless they are or have been pregnant, in which case they probably would have given me the thumbs up.

Had my docs appt on Monday with my doc-fill-in and she was great. My platelets are stable, which - as much as I want the baby out - I am happy about. Pain of natural labour is NOT more significant than a few more weeks of discomfort, I assume and I hope I never know the truth of that statement. The nurse couldn't be sure, however, about the position of baby (who's been head down for weeks) so I got to have another ultrasound...

So. I ask. "Do you see a penis in there?" All the while thinking DAN IS GOING TO KILL ME (but, obviously, I didn't care).

The doc admitted she doesn't do many u/s and the ones she does aren't to determine sex, obviously. She had a look but couldn't see anything. Which, again, to me - confirms it's a girl. I mean, two ultrasounds, no bone, no penis... GIRL. :p

So, we're 13 days away from due date. I'm trying to think of what I did last time and to do more - I was a week late with Jane. I DO NOT want to do THAT again. Crippers, I wasn't grumpy at all with pregnancy number one until I was over-due. I can't imagine the exponential increase in FIERCENESS that would occur if I go overdue this time. N.G. :p

So, spicy food, sex every other night, I'll play with my nipples anytime I'm not in sight of the public, I keep wanting to go for walks but it's so freakin' hot out I bail and sit in front of the AC instead. I've stopped taking my daily (sometimes multi-daily) baths as I don't want to relax anything. :p What else have I missed?!?!

Alrighty. I'm off. You will be kept in the loop, I promise. As much as I'm too grouchy to sit with a hot computer on my lap, I'm not too grumpy to yell it to the universe when I actually start having contractions. You'll hear. Trust me. :p xoxo

Jul 5, 2012

Post-doc update

Here's the latest...

After a med stupid (ha, literally a slip of the fingers, I didn't intend to write "stupid") STUDENT took ten minutes to get my bp - which he originally informed me was 100 over 35 (!!!)... which pretty much gave me a heart attack because I assumed I was dead, I finally saw my doc today.

Here's the plan of action and why I'm still stressed to the max about all this nonsense. In case it's not obvious, I'm not a really anxious, stressed-out person. I kind of take everything in stride until it's way out of my control and then I ask for help. But I don't stress easily. So the fact that I'm awake at night worrying about all the dynamics of this labour, is killing me.

Doc sent me for bloodwork immediately after my appointment today and here's the two scenarios:

(1) Platelets drop again - she will call me by tomorrow and have me come in to chat with her tomorrow so that we can "go from there". Now. My doc is used to no-balls-me who would just smile and giggle and say "OK!" But, grumpy, stressed me replies "what does that mean?" and she tells me we'd be planning to induce. Thank God. Again, this is typically where I'd make a joke or say something funny or literally stand up, look up and jokingly say "hallelujah". The grumpy, stressed me, however, says "when?" Because, here's the thing. Pretty much my entire family is heading to Newfoundland for vacation on Saturday until Wednesday. So, I need to know does she mean induce next week, induce in a couple weeks or induce immediately. She tells me, if they dropped again, we'd induce like the next day. OK. Mild panic attack as I am realizing that I may be induced with my entire family - whom are supposed to look after my sweet Jane - will be out of town via airplane only. On the other hand, the idea of having baby in two days is DREAMLIKE and I am secretly praying my numbers slip a little - not secretly at all, I want them to drop NOW! :p

(2) Platelets stabilize or go up again. This option has me stressed. Not because I want to be induced but because my doc is heading on vacay next week and I'm going to be seen by another ob/gyn. SO, if they happen to drop after my appointment with new-doc next week, I am concerned new-doc will be hesitant to induce me for some reason without my reg doc there or just because some docs are effin' crazy and all "lets wait and see" and that's not me at all! I've waited and saw. And I've seen the numbers go DOWN and my chances for natural delivery go UP. :p So, in my grumpy, stressed state, I express this concern to my doc who begins writing in my file our plan of action. Dare new-doc cross me next week, she may get the full-wrath of grumpy, stressed Jenny!

Of course, the above two scenarios are all pending my bloodwork... which is the other factor stressing me out. The hospital lost power yesterday for 6 hours, back-screwing everything. Thankfully, I took the time while having my blood taken to ask the girl if the blood clinic had stayed open and the good news was NO. As, had they, I'm sure they'd have a backlog of bloodwork they couldn't do yesterday that would put my bloodwork results off for god knows how long. And, in order for me NOT to have a panic attack by end of day tomorrow, I need to hear from my doc with either good news or bad - you figure out which is which. :p And in order for that to happen, my doc needs to get the bloodwork results in plenty of time. SO, now my stress is that she won't get it, she won't remember to get it, she won't remember to call me, I'll be freakin all weekend because then I'm stuck dealing with new-doc on Monday. ARGH!

On the plus, I updated my wonderful family on the scenarios and everyone was pleasantly happy at the risk of calling off their vacations to stick around if baby may make it's appearance this weekend.

Here's something I realized today, however... I am so anxious to be done with this pregnancy. But, no different than pregnancy number one, I'm not fully aware (you know what I mean, like I'm not realizing) that when this pregnancy is over, I'll have another baby! Holy crap!

I have my appointment with anesthesiology tomorrow at lunch time at the hospital. What I'm thinking I'll do is pop into the prenatal clinic after my appt (if I haven't heard from my doc by then) and ask the staff if my blood work (1) came in and (2) if I can see the results. If they let me see the results, and things have dropped, then look out doc... cause I'm gonna find your ass. :p I should pre-apologize now to the woman who's labour I may interrupt to discuss, what's obviously everyone's priority, me. :p

Keep ya posted!

Jul 4, 2012

the art of seduction induction

My doc called on Tuesday AM to check-in with me about my bloodwork from last week... here's the good news and bad. My platelets dropped AGAIN! We're below 100 folks. We're at 94.

Honestly, at this point, I was happy to hear that they'd dropped. I'm SICK of this stress and having to worry about it and having to worry if I can have an epidural and having to worry that they are going to drop to dangerous levels and having the itchiest skin in the entire planet. ARGH! STICK A FORK IN ME!!! I'M DONE!

Unfortunately, I wasn't home and she had to leave me a VM which sucks as I would have told her how I was feeling. She did mention the word that, at this point, is music to my ears... INDUCTION. HALLELUJAH!

OK, prior to about a week ago, I was half-joking about wanting to be induced. I mean, the thought of having this baby sooner rather than later is fantastic. BUT, the thought of forcing this baby out "unnaturally" before he/she is ready, was not fantastic. I'm not an all "let nature take it's course" type of chick by any means, but I'm not a "lets jump the gun and do something risky for no reason" type of gal either.

At this point, the numbers are dropping though and, apparently, if I go below 80, no drugs. As I've said before, it's not that I'm SO concerned I can't handle the pain (effin right that's what I'm worried about) it's that I don't want to imagine how physically exhausting a natural labour could potentially be. In addition to that, at this point, hematology (the blood docs for those suffering from MB as well) have stepped back temporarily to let us track things ourselves - my doc and me. But, if my numbers go much lower, they will want me to take all these other drugs which I'm not super excited about to get my blood to (big word alert) coagulate. :p

Here's the other great news. I'm GBS positive. If you're not pregnant, don't run from your computer as if you are about to get infected with skin eating disease. Your science lesson of the day - GBS (group B Strep) is a bacteria found in 1 in 4 women's va-jay-jays. I just happen to be lucky number 1 this time around. When you're not pregnant, it means nothing. When you're pregnant, it means some potentially scary crap if you don't get antibiotics on board pre-delivery (they say for about four hours prior). THEREFORE, when you combine this little tidbit of information with the fact that my platelets are dropping again, I WANT TO BE INDUCED NOW!

It's not so much that I want the baby out now. It's that I want there to be some control (as much as you can control anything labour-related) over these stressful factors. And, in my mind, the best way for this all to go down is to be like "we're going to admit you on this day, at this time, give you antibiotics at this time, check your platelets at this time and administer epidural at this time..." Obviously, I'm not delusional enough to think that it will all go as planned but a girl can dream, can't she?

So, I have my appointment with my doc tomorrow AM and I am really going to push, pray, beg, etc. that she's on the same page and is just waiting for the true "go-ahead" from me to say "lets do it" and schedule the induction for next week. Unfortunately, it's crappy scheduling, but my appt with anesthesiology isn't until Friday which sucks as it would have been nice to have their input before tomorrow so we could really set a final plan. Regardless, I'm going to TRY MY HARDEST to be a little "pushy" about wanting an induction... at this point, I feel like the benefits really do outweigh the risks, and THAT is the type of girl I AM! :)

Additionally, she will not have to look hard to see that I'm miserable as, due to the heat this week, my face looks like it's burnt to a crisp with eczema or some-itchy-burny skin crap on both cheekbones. A lady at the grocery store looked at me today and said "man! your eyes look sore!" Honestly. Some people might have been offended. I was like "THANK YOU" for the recognition because they are freakin' sore and it does freakin' suck! I've basically had the chicken pocks on my face, hands and lips (not by look, by itch) for the past 20 weeks and I'm about ready to start peeling my skin off altogether so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Wah, wah, wah. Poor me.

Will keep ya posted on what the doc has to say and if I have the b-a-l-l-s to actually be as pushy as I'd like to be (in my dreams) tomorrow at my appt.


Jul 3, 2012

Dear Mother Nature

As a long term inhabitant of your residences, I feel it appropriate to inform you of a few recent, but less-than-ideal, experiences I have encountered during this adventure you would refer to as "life"...

First of all, I'd like to know what reasoning was put forth, aside from requirements for procreation, to commit two beings who are so completely opposite of each other that they spend most of the day trying not to eliminate the other from existence? May I suggest that, moving forward, you consider two separate residences for each of the two human species (as they cannot be of the same classification being that their differences are so abundant and apparent). Perhaps an annual mating day and then separation again to different corners of the universe?

Unfortunately, I've come to terms with the fact that these beings, of the species "male", would be unable to handle the pressures, stress, exhaustion, etc. that accompanies child bearing - mostly from having witnessed the struggles of these creatures during the course of a minor cold. However, would it not make sense for them to have been injected with some sort of understanding, empathy, etc. for the shear feat that it is to create an ENTIRELY NEW HUMAN BEING inside ones body for TEN MONTHS?!?! Just a suggestion for future improvements if the above recommendation is not taken into consideration.

Along those same lines, I am curious why it is that in the process of creating such wonderful little human beings, along with weight gain, exhaustion, back pain, cramps, and the resulting, fantastic but body-destroying labour, the women of your community are also subjected to further punishment in the form of stretch marks, weak bladders, saggy boobs, rashes, swelling, acne, insomnia, etc.? And those are just the minor aggravations of your pregnant females. Mother Nature, I hate to question your intentions but are you, perhaps, on the wrong team? If I were to make a suggestion - perhaps the results of such a long and strenuous pregnancy could be any combination of the following:

  • Teenage-boy level metabolism
  • Perfectly round and perky breasts
  • Saddlebag elimination
  • Cellulite obliteration
  • Instantaneous six-pack abs
  • Noxzema-girl skin

Something to consider.

On the topic of the weather. I understand that it is summer. I am both satisfied and made happier by the sunshine. However, it would be fantastic if you could either (1) turn down my internal temperature or (2) crank back on the 30 degree weather, just a little bit. Perhaps setting a limit at 25 might be a happy medium for all? Perhaps a resident survey is in order - I will draft.

Lastly, with reference to my upcoming labour and delivery. I would like to make a formal request for early delivery on the basis of wanting to harm somebody if I have to carry on much longer. In the interest of public safety, it is best that labour be initiated as early as next Monday morning with duration lasting no more than 3-4 hours. I would prefer a morning appointment beginning at approximately 9am so that we can drop Jane off to daycare first, and so that my male partner is able to pick up Jane at the end of the day without much disruption to her daily schedule. Most importantly, obviously, I would like you to order up a healthy baby.

Wishing you a wonderful evening.

Yours truly,