whats-in-the-news wednesday

As always, the rules of whats-in-the-news is that I have no intention of ever actually taking the time to read these articles... my take on the days headlines in parenting, life, celebrity, everything.

Here she goes...

The two questions all parents of young kids should ask themselves - (1) Do you have an adequate supply of red wine in the house? (2) Do you own a good anti-aging cream or have access to enough money for the botox you will need to repair the damage of 5 years of inadequate sleep?

The good mother doesn’t exist. She’s a myth - Then call me Medusa bitch because I know I'm a good Mom and I know a few others too. This article must have been written in some other country... :p

McDonald's new Happy Meal: Will there be fries, I mean yogurt, with that? - Ok, get ready to judge me if you want but I don't care. Here's the thing... I think this NONSENSE of McDonald's offering healthier options with happy meals is INSANITY. McDonald's is NOT HEALTHY. It's not supposed to be healthy. If you're bringing your child to McDonald's for a healthy meal, I'm about to judge you because you're not the brightest bulb I've ever come by... It's supposed to be a TREAT. Obviously, for some people, this is not the case - so is it right, then, to lead kids to believe that McDonald's is healthy? Not in my opinion! So you throw some yougurt in the happy meal... um, do you want me to get my three year old to eat that before or after the fried nuggets and 10 fries you now include? Yeah. Me thinks not. When Jane and I go to McDonald's it's for a treat. And, personally, I'm of the belief that treats, in moderation (exc. pregnancy of course) are OK! Therefore, I'm OK with her having chicken nuggets and, Dear God No, french fries without apples and yougurt on occasion... I am pretty sure this will not kill her. I'm pretty sure I'm going to live as well. Grrrr.

Blame parents for teen tanning habits - Ultimately, parents are to blame for pretty much everything. Sometimes indirectly, but ultimately, your fault. And, Puuuulease... as if you don't notice your child looks like George Hamilton in March. I wasn't allowed to go to tanning salons when I was younger because my mom would have killed me. I went once. I was sure my mom was going to notice my burnt boobs and then all that would be recognizable on my corpse would be bright red boobs... that's how they'd identify me. Every Mom needs a "friend"... and friend who's 40 but looks 87 because they smoked and tanned. This friend is ultimately a scary example of what's to come for those who tan and smoke... like a life sized warning label.

Why mental stress may harm women more - Um, because men can't suffer from mental stress because they don't have any thoughts?

Why do engagement rings still matter? - This writer has obviously never been married. The engagement ring is basically like a bribe. Being married to a MAN is not easy. You're darn right I deserve a gift for even considering marrying your ass. In fact, you should give me one every 5-10 years too because I've stayed married to your ass. And, when I divorce you, I'm taking it all with me as a downpayment on the house you will also be paying half for in alimony payments. tee hee hee. ha ha ha. I'm hilarious.

Jessica Simpson Drops 20 Pounds Already? - ha ha ha. Again. This person obviously hasn't done his/her research OR been a mom before. I remember getting on the scale a day after Jane was born and being like HOLY CRAP, I'M A SUPERMODEL! You drop 15-20lbs easy in child birth - between baby's weight and fluid/placenta, etc. I remember being able to see my vagina again and being both frightened by what I saw and excited! It only takes like a week to start feeling fat again though. FYI.

That's all I got... Still zonkered from this stupid head cold which will not go away.