When we originally decided to get preggers with baby number two, we planned to switch Jane from full-time daycare to part-time when I was off on mat leave. Two reasons - mainly, $$$, secondly, guilt? Thinking about being home with the baby, I felt like I should also allow Jane to have some time with me as well.
Well. We changed our minds. We saved our money and I know it'll be worth every penny.
We're keeping Jane in daycare full-time while I'm off on mat-leave and the more I discuss it with other moms, other new moms of two (or more) and the more I think about it, the more I know (FOR US) it's the right thing for everybody.
I visited a girlfriend yesterday who's second little man is three weeks old. First of all, and this is a telling story (that anyone with one child can relate to, let alone two), I get to the front door and there's a note on it "Jen, come on in!". It was like WAKE-UP-CALL. I forgot about the days where, because of nursing, I couldn't get the door, answer the phone, pee on demand (see To Pee or Not To Pee). Sure enough, I find my friend on the couch, nursing her new sweetie pie. The house is calm. The music is soft and low. The house is exactly how I had my house when Jane was first born... quiet, soothing, warm, fantastic. So my first question is... where's her older son (who's 2 and a half). Daycare. She tells me he's staying in full-time. HALLELUJAH. It was like all my questions answered and, I think, a relief for both of us to agree that, for our families, it's the best thing. I looked around, while she nursed, and thought... hmmmm.... if her son was here, he'd be freakin' BORED OUT OF HIS MIND and, likely, watching TV or playing with the computer or, basically, having to keep himself busy/occupied right now because Mommy had other things to do... which, we all know, often leads to one of two things: a tantrum at the most inopportune time or severe-mommy-guilt, or... both.
Here's the thing. Jane LOVES daycare. Are there days where she clings to me and doesn't want me to leave... yeah. She also tells me she's "sick" like every night before bed... tonight her "foot was sick" because she wants to stay awake and have time with me (master manipulators I tell ya). But, every day, no fail, it takes me 5-10 minutes to get her to leave because she wants to play more. And, y'all have already heard my thoughts on how great daycare is for Jane so to think about her sitting around the house, having to occupy herself all the time (especially during those first few, unpredictable, exhausting weeks), would kill me. Jane's very independent. But there's a difference between independence and not being able to be there and be present for her. So, there's the first argument FOR full-time daycare for us... Jane loves it and it's SO GOOD for her. Side thought: Sometimes people feel guilt because, essentially daycare plays a significant role in "raising" your child. Here's the thing. I'm OK with that. I'm OK with someone else influencing my child and impacting who she will become because here's a nearly unbelievable thought... I ain't perfect. :p I don't want Jane to be just like me. I annoy myself at times. I have weaknesses... and even some of my strengths, I don't wish on her sometimes!
Second argument. It's good for me. Anyone who's had a baby knows that it's tiring and all completely out of your control. So, basically, the same as having a toddler sometimes. :p Mostly during those first few 6-8 weeks (or 6 months if you're being really honest), life is a big beautiful blur. I am planning, especially during this time, to keep things routine for Jane and keep her trucking along to "school" with daddy every day... so that I can focus on getting myself and baby up-to-snuff again.
I'm thinking, after the first 6-8 weeks, I will probably keep Jane home from school here and there... maybe once or twice a week. We'll probably get her enrolled in gymnastics or something. But, here's the benefit of keeping her in full-time, I can plan which days to keep her home based on what's makes the most sense that week. For example, keeping her home from school the day after baby and I have been up all night teething... maybe not the best idea for anyone. :p
Here's what bugs me... judgement. ARGH, you know how much I hate judgement. We all do it, yes (it's human nature), but SERIOUSLY people, you don't need to be an oscar-winning-actress, but can't you try a little HARDER not to be such an ass! How many times in this post did I say "for us", "for our family", "for her" or "for Jane". Why do I do that? Because I know families who take their kids out of daycare altogether and, you know what, they love it and it works for them. I don't care what ya do! And, I know not everyone has the ability ($$) to keep their kids in daycare full-time while they are off work... for us, it was always in the plan to at least keep Jane in part-time, and we've saved and worked our arses off to be able to do so. So, don't dare judge me for that! But, what I've heard from some of the moms who've kept their kids in school, part or full time, is that some other mommas are givin' 'um the guilt trip. Give. Me. A. Break. People.
I've often said that working makes ME a better mom. When I pick Jane up from school at the end of the day and on our special, precious weekends, I love every minute. I am present every minute. I value every minute. If I was home with two kids full-time, seven days a week, as much as I love the heck out of those kids, I'd be counting the minutes until naptime and bedtime on a regular basis. I know this because after 4-5 days straight of Christmas vacation, I start doing it. It's A LOT. Stay at home moms know this. This is WHY I could not be a stay at home mom. It's too hard! :p
I know that keeping Jane in daycare full-time means that when she is home, I will not feel one bit guilty about focusing 100% of my attention on her during that time and letting daddy handle the baby-stuff. And, to me, that is worth so much more to her than the amount of time she gets... the ol' quality over quantity. So, don't be coming to me with any guilt trip crap, cause it ain't gonna fly and I ain't gonna feel guilty over doing what I know is best for all members of MY family.
I'm not writing this post to give you advice or to tell you what I think is the best thing to do. I'm writing to tell you what I'm doing and why I'm doing it with the hope of one of two outcomes... (1) you'll feel guilt-free about your decision to do the same or (2) you'll understand a different point of view, if you've decided to do differently. :)
This is a judgement-free zone people. Unless your Beyonce. I hate her. I judge her... who the hell puts out an hour long video all about themselves and how great they are because they lost their baby weight in time for their first concert. ARGH! Yes. If I had nannies to take care of my baby twenty hours a day so that I could train 35 hours a day, I'd probably have lost the baby weight quicker too. Grrrr Beyonce. You drive me nuts with your "I'm just like you" crap. If you're gonna judge people, judge people you'll never be face-to-face with... use your judgement quota on them like I do. :)
May 30, 2012
May 28, 2012
mmmmm monday... and an important life lesson
Currently staring at my husband's back, as he logs in to something on his work computer as if I'm burning holes through his shirt as he just told me he was going to get me Coldstone Creamery because I said "I'd die for ice cream", and now he's logging into his work computer? GO BITCH! ICE CREAM NOW! I'd like to say I'm joking, but, it's literally taking every bit of will power I have right now (which is none, which is why I'm getting Coldstone for no good reason other than wanting it) not to ask him why the eff he hasn't already started driving to Tim Hortons...
ARGH. Dude.
Phew. No nagging, bitchiness, necessary. He moved, he's up. He's getting the wallet. WOOT WOOT.
This is another pregnancy obsessive food thought response as, just yesterday, we had Cows ice cream which is the best... and led to a fight because, of course, there was a HUGE line up which I volunteered to wait in while daddy walked around with Jane... mostly because I couldn't decide which flavour I wanted or whether I wanted one scoop or two. So, Jane said she wanted "pink" ice cream. Well, the back story is that Jane wasn't all too happy about leaving the house in the first place so she was in that in-between stage, you know? Like right on the border of being well behaved and TOTAL MELT DOWN IN PUBLIC. So, I was getting the child some pink freakin' ice cream because, while I'm NOT all about giving the child whatever she wants, I am all about conflict-control... and what stupid parent in their right mind brings a child vanilla when she said she wanted PINK AWWS-CWEAM! The only pink ice cream they have is strawberry sorbet... SHIT. Dilemma in the middle of cows line-up with 400 people behind me and pressure is on. I stick with the pink.
Well, Jane was fine. Because she wanted Daddy's vanilla ice cream... thankfully, as if we were destined to be soul-mate-mother-daughter-friends-for-life, she has no interest in my gooie-mooie. So Daddy throws the tantrum instead. So, I offer him my ice cream as he doesn't like the pink ice cream either and, although I'd much rather my vanilla ice cream with chocolate, caramel and praline pieces in it, I take the stupid pink ice cream. Bletch. Mom's sacrifice for the greater good always, don't we? Well, after he eats like half my ice cream, Dan says he's going to go get another vanilla because he doesn't like it... so we're already grumpy with each other because we can't, obviously, be pissed at Jane for eating his ice cream, and now I'm even more pissed cause the doucheball ate half my ice cream and doesn't even like it... :p In the end, Jane ended up giving up halfway through daddy's vanilla and all were slightly happy.
That was the long way of telling you that I've had ice cream on the brain since finishing half of gooie-mooie yesterday... which, BTW, I only got the single scoop which I'm just realizing was the biggest error, perhaps, of all as I would have happily shared with Dan had I gotten the double scoop. AND, screw that altogether, because had I gotten the double scoop, I would definitely have gotten Dan the double scoop too (because I'm not looking like a heifer preggers chick) which means, Jane would have eaten just enough that Dan could have still had a full ice cream. ARGH! See. Life lesson: ALWAYS GET THE DOUBLE SCOOP!
On another bright note, we got an air conditioner for our bedroom today. HALLELUJAH! I'm hoping-n-praying I sleep tonight as I've been cremating lately and it ain't helping with the pregnancy insomnia, the grumpiness, the eating, the face issues, anything. I've said it before... I have the eating-disaster-trifecta... I eat when I'm tired. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored. Which means, people, I'm ALWAYS EATING. :)
Wishing you a night of calorie-rich unnecessary foods and hoping if you're pregnant, and reading this, I've given you pregnancy food obsessive thoughts about ice cream so you can now join me in "going down" as Dan said he's not interested... which made me hate him just a little bit but I wanted ice cream too much to fold at that point over pride.
ARGH. Dude.
Phew. No nagging, bitchiness, necessary. He moved, he's up. He's getting the wallet. WOOT WOOT.
This is another pregnancy obsessive food thought response as, just yesterday, we had Cows ice cream which is the best... and led to a fight because, of course, there was a HUGE line up which I volunteered to wait in while daddy walked around with Jane... mostly because I couldn't decide which flavour I wanted or whether I wanted one scoop or two. So, Jane said she wanted "pink" ice cream. Well, the back story is that Jane wasn't all too happy about leaving the house in the first place so she was in that in-between stage, you know? Like right on the border of being well behaved and TOTAL MELT DOWN IN PUBLIC. So, I was getting the child some pink freakin' ice cream because, while I'm NOT all about giving the child whatever she wants, I am all about conflict-control... and what stupid parent in their right mind brings a child vanilla when she said she wanted PINK AWWS-CWEAM! The only pink ice cream they have is strawberry sorbet... SHIT. Dilemma in the middle of cows line-up with 400 people behind me and pressure is on. I stick with the pink.
Well, Jane was fine. Because she wanted Daddy's vanilla ice cream... thankfully, as if we were destined to be soul-mate-mother-daughter-friends-for-life, she has no interest in my gooie-mooie. So Daddy throws the tantrum instead. So, I offer him my ice cream as he doesn't like the pink ice cream either and, although I'd much rather my vanilla ice cream with chocolate, caramel and praline pieces in it, I take the stupid pink ice cream. Bletch. Mom's sacrifice for the greater good always, don't we? Well, after he eats like half my ice cream, Dan says he's going to go get another vanilla because he doesn't like it... so we're already grumpy with each other because we can't, obviously, be pissed at Jane for eating his ice cream, and now I'm even more pissed cause the doucheball ate half my ice cream and doesn't even like it... :p In the end, Jane ended up giving up halfway through daddy's vanilla and all were slightly happy.
That was the long way of telling you that I've had ice cream on the brain since finishing half of gooie-mooie yesterday... which, BTW, I only got the single scoop which I'm just realizing was the biggest error, perhaps, of all as I would have happily shared with Dan had I gotten the double scoop. AND, screw that altogether, because had I gotten the double scoop, I would definitely have gotten Dan the double scoop too (because I'm not looking like a heifer preggers chick) which means, Jane would have eaten just enough that Dan could have still had a full ice cream. ARGH! See. Life lesson: ALWAYS GET THE DOUBLE SCOOP!
On another bright note, we got an air conditioner for our bedroom today. HALLELUJAH! I'm hoping-n-praying I sleep tonight as I've been cremating lately and it ain't helping with the pregnancy insomnia, the grumpiness, the eating, the face issues, anything. I've said it before... I have the eating-disaster-trifecta... I eat when I'm tired. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored. Which means, people, I'm ALWAYS EATING. :)
Wishing you a night of calorie-rich unnecessary foods and hoping if you're pregnant, and reading this, I've given you pregnancy food obsessive thoughts about ice cream so you can now join me in "going down" as Dan said he's not interested... which made me hate him just a little bit but I wanted ice cream too much to fold at that point over pride.
May 24, 2012
mommy brain moment of the week, month, year?
Was chatting with a good friend earlier in the week and, because everyone knows all the stupid things I've done over the years (I used to keep track and share them but now I can't even remember...), she felt the need to share her most recent mommy brain moment with me. Dare I say this may be one of the better ones I've heard since starting MOmMy bRaIn and since experiencing it myself. Enjoy!
Back story: What you need to know is that my friend, Alyson, is third-trimester-pregnant and has a two-year-old, therefore, there could be no bigger excuse for mommy brain (unless, she was pregnant with two-two-year-olds :p). AND, her hubby, Steve, is a cop... so that makes this story that much more believable. Brenda is their daycare owner. Claire is their sweet two-yr-old daughter.
BBM CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON
Steve: Going to daycare to get Claire
Alyson: Cool, see you soon then! Give her a little kiss from me!
Steve: Riiiiiight
(I'm thinking "typical Steve", no need for emotion when she'll be home to kiss in person in no time! Dads just don't get it.)
Steve: I'm at daycare and Brenda isn't coming to open the door.
(Moderate "alarm")
Alyson: Ok, are you knocking loud enough?
Steve: She's not answering the door.
(Slightly elevated "alarm")
Alyson: Well, how long have you been there? Did you call her?
Steve: 45 minutes
(Legit alarm bells now going off)
Alyson: What??? CALL HER! What is going on?
Steve: I hear screaming inside
(Full panic has now been induced)
Alyson: WTF is going on? CALL HER STEVE!! My heart is literally not beating anymore!!
(No response from Steve for a minute so I furiously dial Brenda's cell number, then as its ringing I see...)
Steve: I'm kicking in the door
TRANSITION TO PHONE CONVO BETWEEN BRENDA AND ALYSON
Brenda: Hello?
Alyson: Brenda? It's Alyson...
(I'm confused, why does she sound so normal?)
Brenda: Hi Alyson!
Alyson: Umm, Steve's at the daycare door trying to get in and its locked...
(Dead. Silence.)
Brenda: Alyson...daycare is closed today.
(Holy fuck. What is going on? Is she being held hostage or something? Why is she acting all normal and like I'm crazy or something?)
Alyson: Well, where's Claire?
(More silence.)
Brenda: Ummmm...
(WHAT IS SHE NOT TELLING ME? Wait...it hits me… Claire's in bed for a nap... right down the hall. How the fuck did I forget that Claire's in bed for a nap? WTF is wrong with me?)
Alyson: OMG! Brenda...she's in bed here for a nap... I'm sorry, she's been at daycare all week so I'm used to being here alone in the afternoon. She's napping, so when Steve said he was going there I forgot that she was already here!! OMG, I'm soooo sorry, he obviously forgot too about daycare being closed today when he went to work.
Brenda (laughing): Haha, you really scared me there for a second, I didn't know where the heck Claire was today!! Its totally ok, you guys aren't the first parents to try to come pick up a child that isn't there, hahaha!
Alyson: Well, sorry to bother you! Wow, I feel like an idiot, haha!
(It hits me again, SHIT Steve said he was kicking down the door, FUCK!)
TRANSITION BACK TO BBM CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON
I see the messages I missed while I was on the phone with Brenda...
Steve: I'm in, I got the door down
Steve: There's nobody here
(SHIT!!!)
TRANSITION TO PHONE CONVO BTW STEVE AND ALYSON
Steve: Hello?
Alyson: STEVE! DAYCARE IS CLOSED TODAY!! CLAIRE'S AT HOME!! DID YOU REALLY KICK THE DOOR DOWN??
(Dead. Silence.)
Steve: Alyson...I hope you're not being serious right now? Of course Claire is at home, I know daycare is closed today...
Alyson: What? What are you talking about? You said you were at daycare!
Steve: I was kidding...aren't you kidding too? When I told you I was going to daycare you obviously would have known there was no need, she's at home today! So I thought you were being "witty" and joking back pretending she really was at daycare!
Alyson: SO THIS WAS A BIG FUCKING JOKE??? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
(Slamming down of phone. Praying to GOD I didn't just permanently FUCK my blood pressure.)
When I could formulate sentences again I called him back, and after more screaming I saw a smidge of humour in my HUGE FUCKING MOMMY BRAIN MOMENT where I forgot that the child that I PERSONALLY put down for a nap, was still napping, and not stuck inside a daycare that my husband had to kick down the door to get her out of.
HOWEVER, he has since learned not to ever, EVER, E.V.E.R. make a "joke" like that ever again!!! Even if he thinks I'm "in on it" and just being sarcastic, he will NEVER pull that shit again. I'm laughing now, but still mad that he really didn't know I was serious about the whole thing.
I think I may have peed my pants when I read this story. Not only could I totally see it happening to me, but I am just THAT crazy that I probably would have called every possible emergency service to get to daycare ASAP.
Hope this gave you a chuckle and THANKS to Alyson for letting me share her "special" moment with the world. :) xoxo
Took a second to do a belly photo tonight - comparing 31 weeks to 31 weeks from last pregnancy, looks about the same... Aside from being paler and, apparently, caring less about my appearance as "helmet head" (as my hubby calls my slicked back pony tail due to the amounts of gel/spray I use to keep it out of my face) is a go-to these days! :p
Took a second to do a belly photo tonight - comparing 31 weeks to 31 weeks from last pregnancy, looks about the same... Aside from being paler and, apparently, caring less about my appearance as "helmet head" (as my hubby calls my slicked back pony tail due to the amounts of gel/spray I use to keep it out of my face) is a go-to these days! :p
May 23, 2012
3 years ago today...
Out of curiosity, after looking at the date, I realized that three years ago I was much fatter and, perhaps, much grumpier than I am today. Perhaps.
Then, I realized, HEY, I have a blog... did I write about how I was feeling three years ago today. YUP! Gosh, I used to be so much more reliable as a blogger. Maybe it's because (1) I had no job (and now I have two) (2) I had no three year old (and now I have a three year old and a 5 year old - husband).
Here's my post from May 23, 2009... my 39 Weeks Pregnant Update with baby number one.
I have my docs appointment tomorrow and I CANNOT WAIT. I have three things on my list of things to complain about:
(1) I'm tired. All the time. I get 8 hours sleep - mostly solid, most nights - and I wake up, have energy for 2-3 hours and then am SERIOUSLY ready for full sleep again. I find this particularly hard as I'm typically an energetic person and I burn it around town, smiling and working happily. Now, I'm draggin' ass.
(2) My face. OH MY GOD. My face. It's like having chicken pocks on my face that won't go away and won't be relieved by anything. I put the cream on the doc Rx'd and it itches. I put benadryl cream on when I can't tolerate it anymore and it stings. It burns. It stings. It itches so bad. ARGH! At this point, I just want them to peel my skin off. I'm ok with that.
(3) Crap. I forget the last one. ha. See. This is why I need a list. Oh yeah. My platelets. Last appt, my doc was off because of a family thing so she wasn't there when they told me my platelets are low. I want to mention this because OH MY GOD, I finally just took the time to look it up and, it's no big deal it seems, but it did say, if my platelets continue to drop, I might not be able to get an epidural. Dear Lord, I can't handle an itchy face do you think I can handle natural child birth. Me thinks not!
OH FYI. My husbands finally home. You're probably thinking WHAT is she talking about. Well, because I'm a freak and y'all know this, I neglected to mention that my husband's basically been MIA for the past 6-8 weeks. He was out of town during the week, home on the weekends only and usually working one, if not both days. Single mommas. Dear Lord single mommas. How do you survive? I have to say, if I wasn't exhausted and pregnant, it would have been much easier. But when combined with those two patience-reducing factors, it was - no other more clear word for it - HARD. The hardest part was supporting my hubby and being proud of him, while hating him at the same time. The second hardest part was that, at points, I wasn't being the mom I like to be. I was tired and either not being as present as I like to be OR not having the patience I like to have. And that just made it harder.
Anyways, he's home now and that's great as the last thing I wanted, before baby number two arrived, was to further the mommy's girl I already have. Do I love that she's a mommy's girl. Yup. Is it going to be hard when baby number two arrives. Who knows? But I know that the fact that, right now, she wants ME to do everything, is not sustainable. So, it's transition time. I hate transition times. ARGH. I don't have the energy or patience for transition time.
Help. :p
Then, I realized, HEY, I have a blog... did I write about how I was feeling three years ago today. YUP! Gosh, I used to be so much more reliable as a blogger. Maybe it's because (1) I had no job (and now I have two) (2) I had no three year old (and now I have a three year old and a 5 year old - husband).
Here's my post from May 23, 2009... my 39 Weeks Pregnant Update with baby number one.
I have my docs appointment tomorrow and I CANNOT WAIT. I have three things on my list of things to complain about:
(1) I'm tired. All the time. I get 8 hours sleep - mostly solid, most nights - and I wake up, have energy for 2-3 hours and then am SERIOUSLY ready for full sleep again. I find this particularly hard as I'm typically an energetic person and I burn it around town, smiling and working happily. Now, I'm draggin' ass.
(2) My face. OH MY GOD. My face. It's like having chicken pocks on my face that won't go away and won't be relieved by anything. I put the cream on the doc Rx'd and it itches. I put benadryl cream on when I can't tolerate it anymore and it stings. It burns. It stings. It itches so bad. ARGH! At this point, I just want them to peel my skin off. I'm ok with that.
(3) Crap. I forget the last one. ha. See. This is why I need a list. Oh yeah. My platelets. Last appt, my doc was off because of a family thing so she wasn't there when they told me my platelets are low. I want to mention this because OH MY GOD, I finally just took the time to look it up and, it's no big deal it seems, but it did say, if my platelets continue to drop, I might not be able to get an epidural. Dear Lord, I can't handle an itchy face do you think I can handle natural child birth. Me thinks not!
OH FYI. My husbands finally home. You're probably thinking WHAT is she talking about. Well, because I'm a freak and y'all know this, I neglected to mention that my husband's basically been MIA for the past 6-8 weeks. He was out of town during the week, home on the weekends only and usually working one, if not both days. Single mommas. Dear Lord single mommas. How do you survive? I have to say, if I wasn't exhausted and pregnant, it would have been much easier. But when combined with those two patience-reducing factors, it was - no other more clear word for it - HARD. The hardest part was supporting my hubby and being proud of him, while hating him at the same time. The second hardest part was that, at points, I wasn't being the mom I like to be. I was tired and either not being as present as I like to be OR not having the patience I like to have. And that just made it harder.
Anyways, he's home now and that's great as the last thing I wanted, before baby number two arrived, was to further the mommy's girl I already have. Do I love that she's a mommy's girl. Yup. Is it going to be hard when baby number two arrives. Who knows? But I know that the fact that, right now, she wants ME to do everything, is not sustainable. So, it's transition time. I hate transition times. ARGH. I don't have the energy or patience for transition time.
Help. :p
May 22, 2012
not quite the distraction i was hoping for...
Ah, the good ol' days... the days of 15 weeks pregnant, when I thought I was HUGE and was worried everyone was just thinking I had chubby-mummy syndrome vs. thinking I was pregnant. I remember trying on these beautiful fushia wedges from Aldo, thinking, these would be the perfect way to distract everyone away from my growing belly over the summer - bright, beautiful shoes!
Flash forward to 31 weeks pregnant. Here's the good news...
(1) NO ONE is going to think I'm just a chubby-mummy anymore. I am definitely, full-fledged, pregnant. So, my husband, who is KNOWN for saying stupid things stupidly (which means, he's not a dick he just is THAT dumb), says to me this morning "and you know you're gonna get like way bigger than this too right"... translation = your huge and it's shocking to everyone around you that you are going to somehow, manage, to get even bigger. Thanks idiot. :p I love him despite this generally lack of common sense with how to talk to pregnant women.
(2) I have a distraction! It's my face! WOOT WOOT! No one's looking at my belly and saying "ah, such a cute belly" or "look how big you're getting" because they are all looking at my face saying "ohhhhh...." after I explain to them why I look like a cross between a battered woman and someone suffering from a skin-eating condition. I actually had someone say to me today, "let me see your face", as if it were some freaky science experiment that everyone wants to see up close! :p
My skin "condition" - apparently a fungal infection but all around mess and pain in the a** - was doing fantastically all weekend. I even thought I was starting to look "normal" again yesterday. THEN, I am woken up this morning by this stinging, itchy sensation in the right corner of my eye. I knew before checking the mirror that it wasn't good. Well, it ain't as bad as it was last week, but it ain't "normal"! And, lord does it itch. And, oh my good Lord, am I the worst person for having flaking skin because I just love to pick at crap so I'm picking at myself all day long. ARGH!
Boo hoo eh? Poor me... healthy pregnancy, no life-threatening issues, great job, happy family, and all I do is whine about my face. But, seriously. C'MON! As if we pregnant fatties don't have it bad enough - fat bellies, stretch marks, gigantic boobs with hideous nipples, dare I say it out loud - gas, hair that grows a bazillion times faster than normal - great for the head, not for the legs which we cannot shave without doing horrifying yoga poses that no one should witness. I am not one of those "I love being pregnant and feel so beautiful and sexy" crazy people (no, really?), like Beyonce who I dislike as much as humanly possible. I feel crappy and grumpy and everything my husband says translates into "you are huge and hideous" even when he says " you look gorgeous". And, so, the fact that my face has also failed me is just icing on the cake.
Here are my two, completely vain and egotistical fears that I would only share with you:
(1) This rash, infection, whatever is spreading (as I now have some sort of spot on my cheek that I'm hoping is just coincidental) and will, one day, cover the entirety of my face so that when the baby arrives, he/she will take one look at "mommy" and run back up my vagina.
(2) That it will not disappear after the baby arrives... and I'll be itchy, oozy, red face for the remainder of my days. I mean, c'mon! As if post-baby isn't beat-yourself-up time enough! Gimme and break that would suck!
In the meantime, I know all of this CRAP will be worth it in the end... Look at the first "in the end" I got out of pregnancy number one... a video of my beautiful "baby" who, through it all, makes me happier than I've ever ever been every day by just waking up in the morning and smiling at me... how did she get so big, so quick!
Wishing you a distraction-free pregnancy on all accounts! :)
Flash forward to 31 weeks pregnant. Here's the good news...
(1) NO ONE is going to think I'm just a chubby-mummy anymore. I am definitely, full-fledged, pregnant. So, my husband, who is KNOWN for saying stupid things stupidly (which means, he's not a dick he just is THAT dumb), says to me this morning "and you know you're gonna get like way bigger than this too right"... translation = your huge and it's shocking to everyone around you that you are going to somehow, manage, to get even bigger. Thanks idiot. :p I love him despite this generally lack of common sense with how to talk to pregnant women.
(2) I have a distraction! It's my face! WOOT WOOT! No one's looking at my belly and saying "ah, such a cute belly" or "look how big you're getting" because they are all looking at my face saying "ohhhhh...." after I explain to them why I look like a cross between a battered woman and someone suffering from a skin-eating condition. I actually had someone say to me today, "let me see your face", as if it were some freaky science experiment that everyone wants to see up close! :p
My skin "condition" - apparently a fungal infection but all around mess and pain in the a** - was doing fantastically all weekend. I even thought I was starting to look "normal" again yesterday. THEN, I am woken up this morning by this stinging, itchy sensation in the right corner of my eye. I knew before checking the mirror that it wasn't good. Well, it ain't as bad as it was last week, but it ain't "normal"! And, lord does it itch. And, oh my good Lord, am I the worst person for having flaking skin because I just love to pick at crap so I'm picking at myself all day long. ARGH!
Boo hoo eh? Poor me... healthy pregnancy, no life-threatening issues, great job, happy family, and all I do is whine about my face. But, seriously. C'MON! As if we pregnant fatties don't have it bad enough - fat bellies, stretch marks, gigantic boobs with hideous nipples, dare I say it out loud - gas, hair that grows a bazillion times faster than normal - great for the head, not for the legs which we cannot shave without doing horrifying yoga poses that no one should witness. I am not one of those "I love being pregnant and feel so beautiful and sexy" crazy people (no, really?), like Beyonce who I dislike as much as humanly possible. I feel crappy and grumpy and everything my husband says translates into "you are huge and hideous" even when he says " you look gorgeous". And, so, the fact that my face has also failed me is just icing on the cake.
Here are my two, completely vain and egotistical fears that I would only share with you:
(1) This rash, infection, whatever is spreading (as I now have some sort of spot on my cheek that I'm hoping is just coincidental) and will, one day, cover the entirety of my face so that when the baby arrives, he/she will take one look at "mommy" and run back up my vagina.
(2) That it will not disappear after the baby arrives... and I'll be itchy, oozy, red face for the remainder of my days. I mean, c'mon! As if post-baby isn't beat-yourself-up time enough! Gimme and break that would suck!
In the meantime, I know all of this CRAP will be worth it in the end... Look at the first "in the end" I got out of pregnancy number one... a video of my beautiful "baby" who, through it all, makes me happier than I've ever ever been every day by just waking up in the morning and smiling at me... how did she get so big, so quick!
Wishing you a distraction-free pregnancy on all accounts! :)
May 17, 2012
on sick leave...
In an effort to FORCE myself to take it easy - something that admittedly, I'm horrible at - I'm taking the rest of the week off from the blog.
For a quick update on the eye situation - went from swollen, oozing, bleeding, crusty, red eyes and surrounding skin, to red, crusty, only slightly swollen eyes as of today. I was actually willing to go out in public to drop Jane off at daycare today WITHOUT my sunglasses. I've been pulling a posh spice routine lately and wearing my "sunglasses at night". Seriously. Like wearing them into daycare to drop Jane off - to the point the kids are asking me why I'm wearing my sunglasses still and I'm telling them I'm a super hero and hiding my identity. :p It's cooler than "my face is rotting and I look like I'm dying". I'm not sure how that would go over with a group of near three year olds.
I've been relaxing mostly during the day but sleeping horribly at night... which is so frustrating for me. I'm not good at tossing and turning. My mind starts going and then I start thinking about some nonsense, and for some reason at 2am, said nonsense becomes the most important topic in my life and I obsess over it for three hours before I realize that it's not really THAT essential that I remember to buy granola bars the next day because Jane likes to eat them in the car before school and, sometimes, when she doesn't eat breakfast, it's how I make sure I'm not sending her to school hungry. This is the insanity of insomnia thoughts... mind controlling. ARGH!
I love you all so much for sticking with me through my randomness, uselessness and, sometimes, infrequency - of quality and quantity.
Wishing you a fantastic long weekend, if it applies to you - xoxo
For a quick update on the eye situation - went from swollen, oozing, bleeding, crusty, red eyes and surrounding skin, to red, crusty, only slightly swollen eyes as of today. I was actually willing to go out in public to drop Jane off at daycare today WITHOUT my sunglasses. I've been pulling a posh spice routine lately and wearing my "sunglasses at night". Seriously. Like wearing them into daycare to drop Jane off - to the point the kids are asking me why I'm wearing my sunglasses still and I'm telling them I'm a super hero and hiding my identity. :p It's cooler than "my face is rotting and I look like I'm dying". I'm not sure how that would go over with a group of near three year olds.
I've been relaxing mostly during the day but sleeping horribly at night... which is so frustrating for me. I'm not good at tossing and turning. My mind starts going and then I start thinking about some nonsense, and for some reason at 2am, said nonsense becomes the most important topic in my life and I obsess over it for three hours before I realize that it's not really THAT essential that I remember to buy granola bars the next day because Jane likes to eat them in the car before school and, sometimes, when she doesn't eat breakfast, it's how I make sure I'm not sending her to school hungry. This is the insanity of insomnia thoughts... mind controlling. ARGH!
I love you all so much for sticking with me through my randomness, uselessness and, sometimes, infrequency - of quality and quantity.
Wishing you a fantastic long weekend, if it applies to you - xoxo
May 15, 2012
re-reading my own blog
Aside from the fact that the blog is my way to vent and get support from the mommy-hood community... it's also a good resource. For me. :p I'm currently reading about what to pack in my labour bag - I would not have remembered half this crap! How great is it that instead of scouring the internet again, I can just re-read everything I learned three years ago! WOOT WOOT. It's like a how-to-book written just for me, because it was written by me! :p
Speaking of books. That's just what I did. I turned the first phase of MOmMy bRaIn - my first year with Jane - into a book for Jane, using Blurb. Originally, I thought it was a great way to put all of my favourite posts into one place, to showcase on the shelf. A memory. A lot of work. Then, I realized, I would LOVE right now to be able to go back and read about who my mom was when I was born. You change so much throughout your life. I mean, ultimately, your values probably remain the same, but you change, you grow up! I love that Jane will be able to go back, maybe before she becomes a mom herself, and read about my fears, concerns, challenges and successes. If nothing else, she'll read about how much I love her and that's something.
OK, I'm cracking up - I actually took time last pregnancy to make meals ahead of time for the freezer so that when I came home with baby, I wouldn't have to cook. I was a genius and such a keener. See. I've already changed! I'll need to do another book for baby number 2 and he/she and Jane can compare notes. :p Baby number 2 will think I'm a lazy complainer!
Will not be bothering with a birth plan this time. If you're a first time mom-to-be, fill your boots. But, from my one experience, no one read my birth plan anyways, so... waste. of. time. I was actually made to feel embarrassed about it at the hospital which just pissed me off. Maybe I'll make a birth plan this time and just fill it with ridiculous crap like "if a c-section is necessary, I would like my husband to go to McDonald's during the surgery and to feed me french fries while you slice and dice me". Just to see if they actually read it this time. Unlikely.
Ew. Prenatal classes. Spare yourself. Dan and I skipped out halfway through the first day. I'm more of a self-directed learner. I don't have the patience to learn at other people's pace. So I read and research myself. Save yourself the time and pick up this book: The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. Loved it. I'm not much for books but this is not a "how-to" book. It's a resource. I also bought the Baby and Toddler versions because I was such a fan.
Funny reliving all the keen-ess and naivety of pre-first-time-mommyhood.
K, I'm off to relax... hopefully. And, pray for me that my little angel sleeps tonight as no-sleep is not helping my recovery at all!
OK, I'm cracking up - I actually took time last pregnancy to make meals ahead of time for the freezer so that when I came home with baby, I wouldn't have to cook. I was a genius and such a keener. See. I've already changed! I'll need to do another book for baby number 2 and he/she and Jane can compare notes. :p Baby number 2 will think I'm a lazy complainer!
Will not be bothering with a birth plan this time. If you're a first time mom-to-be, fill your boots. But, from my one experience, no one read my birth plan anyways, so... waste. of. time. I was actually made to feel embarrassed about it at the hospital which just pissed me off. Maybe I'll make a birth plan this time and just fill it with ridiculous crap like "if a c-section is necessary, I would like my husband to go to McDonald's during the surgery and to feed me french fries while you slice and dice me". Just to see if they actually read it this time. Unlikely.
Ew. Prenatal classes. Spare yourself. Dan and I skipped out halfway through the first day. I'm more of a self-directed learner. I don't have the patience to learn at other people's pace. So I read and research myself. Save yourself the time and pick up this book: The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. Loved it. I'm not much for books but this is not a "how-to" book. It's a resource. I also bought the Baby and Toddler versions because I was such a fan.
Funny reliving all the keen-ess and naivety of pre-first-time-mommyhood.
K, I'm off to relax... hopefully. And, pray for me that my little angel sleeps tonight as no-sleep is not helping my recovery at all!
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