aw ba masulf

Was planning on writing a reasonable post tonight... then I get a message from my hubby at work "I don't feel so good." Followed by about a hundred more messages about how he really doesn't feel good.

Followed by him telling me on the way home that he really doesn't feel good.

Then he didn't want the supper I spent an hour preparing because he really wasn't feeling good.

Then he fell asleep whilst I entertained our hilarious two year old because, guess what, he really didn't feel good.

So, instead of writing a post about something of which I had yet to think of anyways... I've now just put my baby to sleep after we fought over a book for ten minutes because she wanted to read it "aw ba masulf" (all by myself) first and she was stuck on the first page telling me about her favourite colours for the entire ten minutes and we still had another book to get through... NOW, I'm off to clean up after the supper I made that nobody ate because Dan "really wasn't feeling good" and Jane "does like that" which translates to her throwing it on the floor when I'm not looking for "monny" (our dog, Molly).

I'm sure in the midst of my cleaning I'll hear a whimpering "....jeeeeennnnnny...." to which I'll respond "ughhhhh, what do you want!" combined with a serious and exaggerated rolling of the eyes and Dan'll ask me for some juice or water or if we have any gravol... something ridiculous. I blame my unsympathetic bitch trait on my mother, who was a nurse. In my house - you had to be seriously bleeding or getting close to needing a trip to the ER before you got sympathy and that's just the way I like it. When I'm sick... leave me the hell alone and, for Gods sake, don't try to do something for me, cause I'll do it "aw ba masulf" thank you very much.

Oh crippers, he just moved from the couch to ask me "what's that noise?" when the only thing on is the freakin' tv... "ah, what noise" I ask. "The bass" he says. DUH!! "ah, the tv..." ("stupid" I said that in my head, not out loud) Like I'm not over here on my side of the room throwing a rave.

Save me. We should have a special hospital for men when they are "sick"... send 'um off to lie around and huff and puff until they get better. I bet the divorce rate would improve. Or the murder rate.

PS - These are pictures I took while Dan slept... I managed to keep Jane busy by "take more pictures of me mommy" and some "aws cweam". :) Mom of the Year baby - accepting nominations now.

docs appt update

Had my second pre-natal appointment first thing this am. I have no memory of my first pregnancy series of appointments... I think one of the blessings of that immediately oxytocin release post-baby delivery is that your memory of the pregnancy is completely erased as soon as that babe is put on your chest.

So, I spent time shaving my legs and prepping other areas (wink, wink - while I can still see it) last night in case I was getting the full-meal-deal today. How many times is my doc going to need to see my vagina before this baby is done baking? Does anyone remember this? It's not that I mind - after baby number one, I'm likely to let anyone who's interested have a look - but I hate prettying myself for no good reason.

Anyways. The goal of today's appointment seemed to be to tell me the 3 lbs I put on in the last three weeks was "just a little bit more than we like to see" and to Da-da-da-DAH, hear the baby's heart beat!

First of all, the doc says to me "dan couldn't make it for today?" to which I responded "uh, um, no, unfortunately, he couldn't get out of work today..." Truth be told. I don't think (1) I even invited Dan and (2) he even truly knew I was gonna hear the heart beat today. I think I may have told him after my last appointment but I definitely didn't make a big deal about it. Oops? It's not that I don't think these little milestones are big deals, I just am not one of those "lets share this special moment together" type of chicks. I texted him right after and let him know that our babe had a good, strong heart beat, and he was excited and I was like YIPEE, and that was perfect for us. The next big milestone is the twenty-week ultrasound. Maybe I'll invite Dan to that one! :p

It seems like this pregnancy is going by soooo slow. I remember feeling that way with Jane too. It feels like I've been 14 weeks forever. Maybe that's because I thought I was fourteen weeks two weeks ago, so, technically, in my barely-working brain, I have been fourteen weeks forever. I'm not wishing my time away and all that other blah blah blah stuff but I am looking forward to feeling more pregnant. Is that crazy? I'll regret that statement in four weeks I'm sure.

The strangest thing about hearing the baby's heartbeat today was realizing, WTF, there's something in there! I mean the test says "pregnant" and you start eating like a teenage boy and your pants start getting tighter and your sick when you don't eat and you feel like having a nap about five minutes after you wake up from 10 hours sleep.... but part of me still thought I'd go in today and Dr. P would say that there was no baby in there and that I was just eating too much. It was kinda great to hear the little galloping horses though. I just wish I owned my own thingy-me-bopper so that I could just sit here on the couch listening to his/her heartbeat all night long. It'd be neat for Jane to hear too, although, I'm not sure she cares too much right now.

We've been telling Jane since the day we found out that she's going to be a big sister, that she's going to have a little brother or sister, etc. etc. She doesn't seem too interested. She's also convinced that she has a baby in her belly too. I think maybe when she can feel the baby move and when mommy has a more obvious belly, it might help her understand that something's going on. Probably not. I know, oftentimes, with your second pregnancy you start to feel the movements earlier because you know what to expect... but when is "early"?

Here's a totally random side-track... pregnancy dreams are ridiculous. Sometimes this equates to great dreams where gorgeous celebrities are my boyfriends. Other times I'm dating my doctor and that makes those days when he's checking my vagina really awkward. Last night I had a dream that Kris Humphries was my boyfriend. Actually, he started out as my sister's boyfriend - who just happened to be Kim Kardashian (his real life soon-to-be x-wife). Then we went for a ride on a sea-doo and by the end of it, we were see-dooing through a building(???) and holding hands. Apparently, even though he was my sister, Kim's, boyfriend, I had only known him through his appearances on The Kardashians and, it wasn't until our romantic sea-doo adventure, that I realized how misunderstood he was. And we fell in love. HA! I don't even like Kris Humphries. I don't have a CLUE how he ended up in my dream?!?! And where did the sea-doo come from?

Anyways, off to eat some smarties and relax on the couch... I consider pregnancy no different than when I did weight watchers. Being that I had my weigh-in today, of course I am pigging out today (and probably for the next few days) because I have four whole weeks until I have to get on the scale again... :p

lucky, lucky, lucky

It's a snowy, rainy, overall yucky day here in eastern Canada... shocker I know.

I just got back from my spending four hours at my sisters house... punishment for her telling me to pick Jane up early because the "roads were bad" when, in fact, the roads were fine. So I called her and said "what are we having for supper? I'm coming over because Dan's out tonight for frisbee and I'm not entertaining this crazy two-year-old for the next four and a half hours and the roads are fine by the way..." We had ribs. Yum.

I'm feeling lucky today. Lucky to live in a warm, beautiful home. Lucky to have a job I love where I am surprised regularly by the support and understanding I get from my boss and colleagues. Lucky to have a sister with a slow cooker who can read a recipe fairly well (Nanc, I'm leaving out the part where you were asking about how to "cut the batter" when the recipe said to "cut in the butter"). Lucky to have a daughter who makes me laugh and love soooo hard. Lucky to have a husband I only want to kill half of the time. Lucky to have the will power to refrain from strangling the kitten who just jumped onto the couch leaving claw marks in my arm.

Some of you may know, but we just moved into a new house in the Fall. Since then, the number one question I get from people I haven't talked to in a while is "hows the new house?!?!?" And, honestly, I fake it. I tell them how much we love it, how great it is, how it's everything we wanted and needed and more and blah blah blah. Truthfully, I could give a damn about my house. Is it beautiful? Yes. It is our dream house? Yes. It is more than we imagined? Yes. Would I care if it was gone tomorrow? Nope. I'm thankful that, since having Jane, I've realized that all this "crap" we have... means nothing. If you don't have your health, if your child is sick, if your marriage sucks, if you don't have happiness, a house ain't gonna make you smile at the end of the day. So I appreciate the things I have but I can't really say that I'm peeing in my pants to talk about how great my new house is. I pee in my pants... but it's usually only if I sneeze, cough or laugh really hard. OH, and if I decide to randomly do jumping jacks, which thankfully I've learned to avoid. :p

Yesterday, I went to a restaurant for lunch to do some paperwork and planning. A nice restaurant. I had an $11 salad and bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. And, while I was upstairs eating at this fabulous place, an armed robbery was going on downstairs in the mall. When I left the restaurant, the cop cars and ambulances (no one was hurt) were pulling up and I was half considering snooping at what was going on but wrote it off as a fight or heart attack or something (you know, nothing exciting... I know, I'm going to hell). When I got home last night, I saw the news about the armed robbery. Downstairs and six stores over. That's the closest I've ever been to a gun. That's lucky. I'm lucky to live in a country that the closest I've ever been to a truly dangerous weapon in thirty years is downstairs and six stores over...

This is your nonsense for a yucky Friday that I am so happy to have shared with my family and beautiful baby.

pregnancy update?

I was planning on taking time on Thursdays to write about my "pregnancy update"... Thursdays is my transition day from week-to-week. So, as of today, I'm officially 14 weeks preggers. I think. I thought I was 15 weeks but my email update tells me 14 so who knows? I'm guessing the email is write and the crazy one with mommy brain is wrong.

Like I said. Supposed to write an update post but here's your pregnancy update. I'm tired. How does it feel to be 14 weeks pregnant - exhausting. I have energy up until 5:30pm, when I'm lucky. Sometimes it's 2:30pm and sometimes it's 8:30am. Then I'm basically counting down the hours until it's an acceptable time for me to call it a night, which is basically anytime after the clock hits 8pm.

I've dressed for the gym every morning this week. Instead of hitting the gym, I hit Tim Hortons for a coffee and head home to get dressed for work. Work I can do, happily. Going to the gym this week seems like committing to run a marathon in high heels and a full-fleece-onesie in July in the Amazon. Please tell me the Amazon isn't one of those places that has reverse seasons to us so that my exaggeration makes no sense. You know what I'm trying to say. Impossible.

I planned on finishing the last panel of curtains that I'm making myself (don't ask... I don't know why I get myself into these things) for the new baby's room. Whenever I get it all finished - ideally before July - I'll post a picture of the new nursery. Jane's room is looking pretty fancy too and I'll let you know some of the crazy but creative things I've done... I went on this used furniture, value village, kijiji, etc. kick over the summer where I was convinced I was going to become a furniture re-finisher for my side-career. Half the projects I had planned ended up going back to value village or meeting big mr. green truck who takes unwanted things to that big pile of stink.

Why is there nothing good on TV at 7pm? Why does TV only cater to the people who stay awake past 8pm? Why should I be subjected to an hour of Entertainment Tonight - US followed by Canada, where they basically talk about the exact same stories - only ET Canada talks about Ryan Gosling and Justin Beiber a little bit more that regular ET.

If I keep up, this post will be four pages long and I'll just keep ranted about the things that are making me grouchy right now. :p

Craving a bowl of dried fruit loops and a granny smith apple. Pregnancy is insane.

whats-in-the-news wednesday

I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes trying to pick my brain for something to talk about today. This is the problem of suffering with mommy brain and trying to carry on a "conversation" that's supposed to be somewhat entertaining or educational on a regular basis.

Then I checked out the Globe and Mail parenting section for inspiration and thought the headlines could make for some funny commentary. So here it is - a review of the latest in parenting headlines...

"Obese children more likely to be bullies: study" - OK, I'm not saying that all obese children are bullies. But have these people ever seen a movie from the 80's?

"Don't take what your kids say so personally" - Do we really need to read an article on this? Were none of us hormonal teenagers who screeched "I HATE YOU" before the sound of our slamming door reverberated throughout the entire neighbourhood? Is reverberated a word? Is it the right word? I remember telling my mother on multiple occasions that I was going to call Kids Help Phone on her... only to have her respond "go for it. no ones going to believe you anyways". HA! I don't think Mom took anything personally. What's with parents these days?

"Unnatural selection: Is evolving reproductive technology ushering in a new age of eugenics?" - I don't know what that means.

"Don't wait too long to get pregnant, obstetric society tells women" - Is this new? Why do people persist on studying things that are already known. I heard of a recent study where the key finding was that the reason people dropped friends on Facebook was because they said something to offend them. Really? Lets study whether people believe the sky is blue on a sunny day! I wonder what the findings would say??? Who funds this crap? We don't have a cure for cancer but we're funding studies about Facebook friends???

"Is extreme exercise ok during pregnancy" - What crazy person wants to exercise extremely during pregnancy. Send me her email. I'll do a study. I bet the findings will be that she's freakin' nuts.

"High dose of caffeine is safe and effective for preemies, study finds" - Does this mean I should start drinking more coffee now? :p

"The weird and wonderful world of celebrity baby names" - Apple, Moses, Blue, Bronx, Kyd, Bear, Moraccan, Blanket... Sometimes I wonder if celebrities are so obsessed with being on the front page that they make these names up so that people talk about it for like three days straight (God, I thought the Beyonce crap would never end) but in reality they named their kids Bob and Mary.

"Dirty parenting secret: I bribe my kid with candy" - This is not a secret, this is a survival instinct. "Sometimes I pretend I have to use the bathroom so I can read a magazine by myself" - that's a dirty parenting secret.

"Dirty parenting secret: I drugged our kid for a flight" - No idea what this person is talking about. We gave Jane Benadryl once before a flight but she clearly indicated she was having an allergic reaction and should be treated immediately with antihistamines... :p

"HPV vaccine could deter safe sex, study finds" - When I was a teenager, safe sex meant doing it when your parents weren't home (sorry Dad, I love you).

"The best defense against bullying" - Ah, this I am interested in... being that the other day, at an indoor playground, this stupid little boy hit Jane in the face for no reason. So, we're headed back to the playground again this past weekend and Jane says to me "No one hit me". My response? "No baby, no one hit you. If anyone hits you, Mommy will beat them up". HA. Seriously. Usually I tell her "you tell mommy if someone hits you" but, you know what, in truth I want to tell her "you hit them harder, then you come tell mommy".

"I moved my kid to the class all her friends weren't in" - see above story on "Don't take what your kids say so personally" and reverse it. You kid probably does hate you.

"We're raising four kids in a two kid world" - Who's "we". I don't know anyone who has four kids.

Hmmm... that was kind of fun. Maybe I'll make this a regular thing. Thoughts? Funny or boring? I had fun and, being that I tend to be selfish and grumpy when I'm pregnant, I'm going to vote it a funny and do it again. :p

Happy Hump Day!

ptpta 2012 winter winners announced

Regular nonsense below...

Those of you who have been following me for a while, know that I'm a big fan of making life easier. If there's any way for me to accomplish the same outcome be investing less time, I'm SOLD.

Enter PTPA. It's like the parents bible of easy-way-out when you need to purchase something for your family. Anything that's been selected as a PTPA Winner, has been tested by multiple moms (I should probably say Dads too but, lets face it, Dads aren't the same as moms) and determined to be WICKED GOOD.

When I browse the new winners lists, I often find solutions to problems I didn't even know I had... my husband loves this - he thinks is awesome (sarcasm) that I can find ways to spend money on things we "need" that we didn't even know existed. I'm fascinated by people who develop products based on the "there has to be a better way" theory... because, most of the time, when I discover these products (after I get over the "why are you such an idiot and didn't develop this yourself" phase), I realize that I have many times thought the same thing. For example, right now, if someone could create a product that would keep my annoying, but oh so cute, kitten from trying to lie across the keyboard despite me pushing him off the couch over and over, I would think this person was a genius. Maybe a "mouse attachment" (no pun intended) that sticks out from the side of my monitor, far enough away that the cat can still be next to me but isn't interfering with my typing or overall enjoyment of life. Now he's biting me because I'm elbowing him away from my hands.

SO, here's a link to the 2012 PTPA Winter Winners List... check it out to see if you can find something you NEED but didn't know you needed. Your husbands are going to love me.

Also, here's something FUN... for the next week, PTPA is running a CONGRATS-A-THON - what the heck does this mean?? Congratulate a new winner on Facebook (click here for details) and you will be entered to win the prize you're congratulating! WOOT WOOT, I love free stuff! Obviously, not all products are participating... For example, Chev is not about to give away a new Orlando because you posted a Facebook message, sorry, this ain't Oprah. But there's lots of fun companies participating so check it out.

Also, check out the blogaholics site - where myself and a bunch of other fabulous mommy and daddy bloggers post random stuff and reviews daily!

sex or no sex?

Those of you who are moms, or even better, moms of more than one kid, OR EVEN BETTER, greater than 20 weeks pregnant are right now thinking NO SEX! :p ha ha ha.

But that's not what I'm talking about.

Here's what's up. In my province, up until right now apparently, when you went for your standard twenty week ultrasound, you would not be informed of the baby's sex whether it was obvious to the sonographer (that's a guess of what the person's called and being that it's underlined in squiggly red, probably not a good one) or not. In fact, with my first pregnancy, I had the blessing of knowing a doc who did ultrasounds who told me my babe's sex before this "standard" ultrasound so I was joking with the sonographer that she should just "nod if I was right or not" and not a gig. Like joking with the border control officers at the airport.

So, with this pregnancy, Dan and I were going to have our the sex be a surprise. Why not? I mean, with Jane, it was our first baby, I had lost my job, blah blah blah... I wanted to know. It gave me piece of mind to have tons of pink clothes organized by type and size. Plus, I will admit, when I found out my first was a girl, I was relieved. I know what to do with vaginas. I'll never forget my best friend calling me after finding out the sex of her first, screaming "what am I supposed to do with a PENIS???". Honestly. I don't know. When little girls run around naked, as they tend to like to (my first cat was named streeker after me), I think it's cute. When little boys run around naked, I'm uncomfortable. Truth.

Another reason for keeping the babe's sex a surprise... we didn't want to have to pay to find out. I'm not judging, if that's your thing, fill your boots. But the only way to find out the sex here would be to go to one of those 3D baby ultrasound places that take the creepy, alien-like photos of the baby in your belly. I know people are curious what's going on in there but it ain't my thing. Plus, it's expensive. I'm not paying $200 or more to find out my babe's sex and get pictures of he/she in my belly that, chances are, I probably will never look at again once the actual child is in my arms. I mean, when they are still in your belly, yeah, share it with the world, blow it up, throw it up over the fireplace. But, once the baby is born, my guess is those pics are getting "stored" until... I don't know. Is that something you'd take out and show your adult child? This was you in my belly. Weird.

I mean, there's definitely something attractive about imagining pushing the baby out and having someone announce "it's a ____"! And, honestly, being surprised and excited by the unknown of it all. But, fact is, even though I "knew" Jane was going to be a girl, it was still the most exciting and amazing moment of my life. I say "knew" because, here's a ground-breaker", ultrasound techs are not always right. Sometimes penises hide (ask a man who's been in cold water) and sometimes random bones look like penises.

So, now, I read an article in the local paper that says the hospital is now allowing patients to know the sex of their babies if it's determined during routine ultrasound. Seems they won't be going the extra mile to determine sex but if it's obvious, they'll let your family doc know and you can ask at your next appointment.

Uh oh.

I don't know why I'm even bothering to pretend this is causing me conflict. I'm asking. 100%. Crap. I have no will power. C'mon! I can't have someone else, who I see every four weeks, sitting there knowing the sex of the baby that's inside me. And, you just know, it's gonna slip anyways. He'll be all like "so how's he doing in there?" or "is she moving a lot?" and BAM, surprise is ruined anyways. So I might as well ask and know sooner rather than later. And, if for whatever reason, the little babe's sex can't be determined, then WOOHOO surprise here we come.

Fact is, the child's room is blue anyways. Well, 1/4 blue. I'll post pictures soon. Yes. I am completely ridiculous and did my nursery over Christmas - don't get me started on how superstitious this made me. I still have severe guilt and anxiety about it.

In all honesty, I am kind of excited to find out. ONLY because I have four hundred bags of Jane's old clothes that I'd like to know whether I should organize, clean or give to charity. It's taking up an insane amount of storage space in a house with no storage space.

I am completely without preference for this baby's sex. If it's a girl, it would be great - obviously convenient because we have everything we need, and I'd love another girl, AND it seems like everyone I know who's having a second baby is "doubling up". If it's a boy, that would be awesome too - I'd love to have a little boy, just as there's a special bond between mom and daughter, same is true for mom and son.

I'll keep ya posted. Fact is, if I find out, everyone does because I have no brain power and if I dared try to keep it a secret, I'd blurt it out within seconds anyways so what's the point!

thank you God and Tim Hortons...

FYI - today's regular nonsense is below but I had to share this with my fellow Canadians eh...

So I've dropped Jane off at school, Dan off at work and I'm heading to the gym for a quick "stroll" on the treadmill before work.Well, I'm supposed to be heading to the gym. I'm dressed, sitting next to my gym bag in the car, but have been dreading it since I realized when I woke up that I "should go to the gym this morning"...

I head to Tim Hortons instead. I want my small double-double. I need my double-double. My treat of the day. My only fix that helps me survive the exhaustion of early pregnancy. I'm pretty sure the small dose of caffeine does nothing, physiologically, to increase my energy or boost my mood. But psychologically, my double-double is REQUIRED in order for me to put on a friendly face and function efficiently with the rest of the working world. Without it, I'm like a bad actor all day - faking energy and enthusiasm when inside I want to be curled up on the couch watching useless programming they tell us stay-at-home Moms enjoy.

Ok, back to my story. I order my small double-double and what happens? Those of you who are also loyal Timmies addicts will know the answer.

I GOT A BIGGER "SMALL" DOUBLE-DOUBLE. 

In fact, I got a medium, small double-double!!! Make no sense? Well, it took me awhile to figure out the diagram below - literally, I couldn't figure out if they were increasing or decreasing their sizes for at least a minute of staring and computing. SIMPLIFIED - your previously small cupped coffee is now a medium coffee, and so on. So, now, I get what I really wanted - a larger coffee - without the guilt of ordering a larger coffee. It's like God has spoken to me and said "Jen, go for it. In fact, you deserve a little extra."

Thank you God and Tim Hortons.

How often do companies up and decide, "hey, we should give them more and not charge anything extra". Only in Canada my friends. Sorry to my American girls - I know there are select Timmies in the US - but you are truly missing out on Canada's best, and most cherished, asset.

This is the best Timmies commercial ever - I nearly cry everytime...double-double!

like a hangover without the fun of the night before...

So, originally, I had thought I might do an update post to explain what's gone on in my life in the last year. I've scratched that idea because I'm pretty sure I can't remember what the heck has happened in the last twenty four hours, let alone twelve months...

What I will do is share with you the joys of my first trimester with baby deux and we'll start from there.

When I set out to get pregnant the first time 'round, I had realistic expectations. If you're interested in reading about my previous baby-making "business" (and it is business, not pleasure), read here. So, when we finally decided to give it a go with baby number two, as much as I didn't want to... I had expectations. MISTAKE.

I tried to tell myself, and everyone around me, that because we had such an "easy" time getting pregnant with Jane, that I fully expected it to take us longer this time - being that you can't get lucky twice in a row. But, in reality, I was hoping and expecting that it wouldn't take us long to get pregnant. That's almost the hardest part about making the decision to start trying... the expectations. Never fail, as soon as we say "lets do it" (literally and figuratively :p), we want to be pregnant instantaneously. This is obviously human nature otherwise Clear Blue wouldn't have a hope in hell with their "ovulation indicators" and such (and I'll fully admit, I bought a ton online when I was trying to get preggers the first time only to have them arrive two weeks after I found out I was pregnant...). So, despite what we tell ourselves, we hold out hope that conception will occur almost miraculously once we make the big decision. Then, to make matters "worse", what happens?

You find out that one of your friends is pregnant...

"YAY. I'm so happy for you (I hate you). Congratulations (screw you and your fertile eggs)! You must be so excited (you ungrateful, bragging....)!" :p

You know it was my goal when I set out to re-start the blog that I keep my posts short... I guess it's just not my style. I blabber uncontrollably and get off topic religiously... really? Since this post was supposed to be about my first trimester and I've yet to mention a thing about it yet. Right on track Jen. Spot on.

Here we go...

I went through three costco boxes of pregnancy tests in two months... that's 12 tests... apparently I don't believe in the accuracy of the first three tests. I took tests even when I knew, logically, that there was no way, pregnant or not, they could come back positive... just to see, just in case! :p

Then it happened. Month two. TMI alert. One night, I felt the "letdown" sensation like I used to when I breastfed. Of course, to avoid future heartbreak, I convinced myself that maybe it was just a sign of ovulation or something. Regardless, I took one of 8 tests that night... just in case. Negative. Waited a few days. Negative. Another day but first thing in the morning. Negative. Three more days. Negative.

Then something.
Me: "Is that a faint line?"
Dan: "No."
Me: "I think it is. Look hard. If you look at it close in the light, it's really faint but I can kind of see it..."
Dan: "You're crazy"
Two more tests a few days later confirmed (faintly) what I really wanted to believe... I was pregnant.

Then you have a few weeks of uninterrupted bliss before the hangover starts... with Jane, I never had morning sickness. I had insomnia. But no sickness. This time around? It's like having a hangover everyday without the fun of the night before. Exhausted - like can't hold your eyes open at any point in the day exhausted. Nausea of all ranges. Wanting to throw-up just because you're praying it will make you feel better. Wanting to throw yourself out a window to avoid the scent of a certain food. And, yet, you have cravings for ridiculous foods like calamari and ketchup chips.

I was only lucky enough to have had it only last a month or two. When I reached the 11-12 week mark it just kind of faded. I'm still zonkered half of the time. I go to sleep at 8:30pm on a "late" night. But the nausea has settled, or I've learned how to avoid it - by stuffing my face with crackers as if my body needs them like it needs oxygen.

But here I am. Through my first trimester. Doesn't pregnancy seem like the longest 10 months of your life? And, then, all of a sudden it's your due date and it seems like it flew by.

When I compare my two pregnancies, the biggest difference so far is ME. With my first pregnancy, I was obsessed with doing everything "right". I avoided caffeine of all types, ate nothing that might even potentially have some sort of bacteria in it, turned my head at the sight of alcohol... I even checked the temperature of a few of my baths, just in case, they were above 38 degrees. This time, we'll say I'm a little more relaxed... I've had a few too many drinks on several occasions, I eat whatever I want, I drink 2-3 coffee a day and live in the hot tub. LIE. But I've definitely had a few sips of vino, eaten some goat cheese I wasn't 100% sure was pasteurized, and I don't bathe next to a thermometer anymore. I'm hoping I can carry this more relaxed, easy-going attitude into life with two... unlikely, but a girl can dream.

For those with two or currently baking baby number two - is your second pregnancy any different for you?

I'm back...

I hope you don't take that as a threat...

I've been wanting to write this post on and off for a year - ever since I bowed out last January. So, why now? I could say that, like my one-week-old gym membership, I finally had enough saying "I should do this" and, instead, I am following through on what I should be doing. What I want to be doing but am scared to start because I'm nervous I won't be able to follow through. Here's the good news. You have me, guaranteed, for at least the next 18 months. Is that enough of a commitment for you?

Why 18 months? 

Those of you who haven't become friends of mine on Facebook, didn't see this message:

Get it?

If you are suffering from severe MOmMy bRaIn and are sitting in front of your screen thinking "she wants to know whether I think she should buy pink or blue booties?!?!?" here's the simplified version: I am about to get really fat for a really good reason. Again...

I. Am. Preggers. 

Due July 26th, 2012, in case that is also not obvious. So, you've got six months of whining about being a fat-ass who has no control of her bodily functions and then GLORIOUS maternity leave. And, oh, as much as I truly love my job, I have to admit, I am looking forward to maternity leave. Thank GOD for Canadian maternity leave. And now I'm screwed because I've just convinced myself that by suggesting maternity leave is an enjoyable, relaxing, vacation, I've just set myself up for the child from hell. Fantabulous.

Regardless, why does all this mean I am starting the blog back up? Answer: I need you guys. I need the support, understanding - the empathy. Because here's a statement that will rock your world. Men. Don't. Get. It. I love my husband but when it comes to pregnancy, he also suffers from daddy-no-brain.

Example...
Scene: Sunday morning. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Foraging through the pantry for my second breakfast.
Dan: "I saw a girl last night who's 18 weeks pregnant and you look WAY more pregnant than she does"
Me: Imagine a rabid wolf put into a cardboard box with a bunch of fluffy white bunnies fattened up on carrots... carnage.

Even my MALE doctor thought that was hilariously insane... Like entering a mine-field. Dancing. Wearing snow shoes. Even another male realized the stupidity of his statement. Maybe I've been blessed with a sweetheart who's less pregnancy-intelligent than the average joe. Regardless, you can give Dan partial thanks for my return. The other thanks goes to pure desire to be around y'all again. I miss the "me toos" and "wtfs" and, less, the "you're screwed dude" comments.

I am also hoping, praying and begging that having my blog back as a "project" will keep me from becoming the beached whale that my appetite is dictating I become. I made the mistake the other day of looking back at my weekly belly-bump pics from my first pregnancy. FAIL. At least at the beginning of your first pregnancy, you're delusional, completely unaware of the catastrophe that your body is about to become. I actually, truly envisioned a Giselle-esque barely-there-bump that would be barely noticeable. HA! Now I'm aware of the reality and it sucks. It's not being pregnant part that's the hardest... I mean, I'm not gonna lie, the last 6-8 weeks suck. There is nothing sexy about a 38 week pregnant woman, don't care what kind of "oh, it's natural and it's beautiful" crap you try to tell me... it ain't true. We waddle, our hips have expanded to twice their normal width, our boobs have given up trying to hold themselves up and decided to just become one with our bellies, oh, and if that's not enough, we leak gas from every part of our bodies without control and we pee a little bit when we laugh or sneeze. That, unbelievably, is 100% excusable and when you realize that your husband must unconditionally love your bitchy-gigantic-ass.

What sucks about the second pregnancy is knowing how much the after sucks. How much it sucks to have all this weight to lose and have no energy to try... in fact, the exhaustion is like the devil sitting on your shoulder telling you "eat another Oreo... what's the worst that could happen?" Here's the bright light: what I'm told from mothers of two or more is that you're so effin' busy with two kids that the weight falls off because you're constantly running your arse off and forgetting to eat. I can attest to this even with one Jane that there's been days I've gotten to 11am and thought "have I eaten yet today? And known, instantly, that if I have to ask, the answer is "no"?"... of course, then I eat a monster lunch to compensate! :p With that all said, people told me with my first pregnancy that breastfeeding would burn all my calories... apparently they didn't mean the 600 calories in a row of Oreos. Yes. I know how many calories are in a full row of Oreos... bite me. :p

Ok. I'm done. Have to save some complaining, whining and nonsense for the next 18 months. Hopefully you're glad to have me back.

If so, pass me along to some of your mommy friends. The more the merrier and a better chance of finding someone who's got the key to survival when we all reach that point of having no idea what to do... which, if I remember correctly from bambino numero uno, is how I felt daily.

Updated pictures of the family to come, in case that floats your boat. We've got plenty of time to catch up, trust me! xoxo.