Dissecting Daddy @ 4 Months - Part 2

This is a continuation from Tuesday's Dissecting Daddy post (see below).

Relationship Related Questions:

Jen: You said to me the other day that you feel like our relationship is getting better – you’re really happy with how things are going. Why do you think that is?
Dan: Cause I’m an awesome father and husband. I dunno. I figure as we get better at parenting our relationship benefits as well.
J: Typical male response... I'm over-thinking everything and wondering what we've done to become better and you're just content with being better. Sometimes I wish I had a male brain... sometimes! But then you'd need a female brain or we wouldn't survive. In fact, how do gay couples survive - who cooks? who cleans? who thinks? who remembers? who organizes? :p

J: What issues have been the subject of disagreements and what are your thoughts on them?
D: We don’t ever have disagreements because I’m always right.
J: I'm posting this answer so everyone will see what a big nutball you are and sympathize with me! :p

J: What were your thoughts on my post “Bitter Sweet”?
D: I think the intent of your article was to point out that men are able to maintain much of their freedom after the baby arrives but woman are basically attached to the baby non-stop if they have decided to exclusively breastfeed or, like you, limit bottle-feeding to once in awhile. Being attached to Jane non-stop isn’t a bad thing but losing your freedom can be hard to adjust to. Splitting baby duties 50/50 just isn’t realistic when one of you is working full time and the other is on maternity leave. As a husband, just help as much as you can when you’re home. Helping with the cleaning or cooking helps your wife get a little more time for herself as well.

J: You’ve started walking with Jane and I at night now, even with sore, post-tournament muscles, why all of a sudden – you used to HATE walking?
D: I mostly hated walking because it felt like a waste of time. Not to sound arrogant, but it’s not really exercising for me. So it felt pointless. But now that Jane is here, I want to spend as much time with her as I can and I enjoy spending time with you and Jane on our walks.
J: It took you six years to realize it's enjoyable to spend time with your wife? ha ha ha. Awesome.

J: What advice do you have for other Dads/Dads-to-be on keeping your relationship happy?
D: Words of wisdom that was said at our wedding: Take care of each other... so that you never have to take care of yourself. It’s good advice and I think Jen and I can continue to work at getting better at this.

I'll check in with Daddy-Dan again for an "interview" in a few months...

Jen :)

Dissecting Daddy @ 4 Months - Part 1

Thought after three months, Dan might have some new insights for the other new Dads and Dads-to-be out there! Enjoy :) If you're new to MOmMy bRaIn, check out my previous Dissecting Daddy posts.

I've broken down my questions into two categories this time, Jane questions and Relationship questions... I'll post the relationship questions tomorrow. :)

Jane Related Questions:

Jen: Since you last DD post 3 months ago, what has been the biggest change in Jane?
Dan: Her biggest change is that she’s more aware and intelligent. For example, when you show her a suckie and put it near her mouth she’ll open her mouth waiting for you to put it in. If she’s done with it she’ll use her hand to take it out deliberately. She’s a smart little bug.

J: What is your biggest challenge as a new Dad and how are you/will you overcome it?
D: My biggest challenge is using the time I have with Jane to its fullest. I get home from work around 5pm and Janey’s bedtime is around 8pm. That only gives me about 3 hours to spend with her. So I just have to value this time as much as possible. That’s why I’ve started going on the nightly walks with you guys and joining you for bath time. I leave my other night time activities for after Janey’s bedtime.

J: What have you excelled in?
D: I’m not sure if I’ve excelled in anything. Maybe Jen should answer this one.
J: You're great with Jane. You're definitely getting a lot better at "reading" her. She went through this development growth spurt at around 2 months and, for a little while, you were having a hard time knowing what she wanted - food, nap, entertainment, etc. You've adapted to her now and you're able to quickly figure out what she might want. This is awesome for me as I have complete peace of mind when I leave her with you to go out for a little bit.

J: Right now, my thoughts are on Jane’s sleeping habits, worries about flu season, and trying to make sure she’s having fun and being stimulated when she’s awake. What are your thoughts and concerns right now?
D: I find myself worrying about you more lately. Since you’re working with half a brain lately (sorry, but your site IS called Mommy Brain hunny) I find myself thinking about things for you more than I have in the past. But for Jane I mostly just worry about not dropping her :p
J: You suck. :p ha ha ha. Despite my lack of brain power, somehow I am completely able to keep myself and my sweetie alive and happy each day.

J: You obviously have confidence in me as a Mom as you let me do a lot of the decision-making when it comes to Jane. Is there anything I’m doing that you disagree with, that wouldn’t be a priority to you, etc.?
D: The reason I’m able to not worry about much with Jane is that I do have so much confidence in your care for our girl. There’s been a few things here and there that I’ve disagreed with but I just bring it up with you. Once you finally realize I’m right then everything is good.
J: You're hilarious (sarcasm). Even when you're wrong you switch it around on me to make it seem like you suggested the right thing... like I'm too mommy brain-ed to notice!

J: During the past three months, we went on vacation. Part of that vacation had you separated from Jane for a whole week – how did it feel, the good and bad?
D: It was way harder than I imagined. I thought I’d be able to put it out of my head and not miss her. But I was way wrong. All I could do was think about her. I know she was in good hands. But when you can’t see her little face every day when you come home from work it’s stressful. There wasn’t anything good.
J: Yeah that was just bad planning... I don't think either of us realized when we booked that trip last Winter how much we would love our little sweety, to the point of never wanting to be away from her for more than a minute! Lesson learned.

J: The other day you said to me that it’s hard for those who don’t have kids yet to understand how much your life changes, how different a person you are... explain.
D: It’s one of those things you don’t understand until you’ve been there. There’s something about the responsibility of being a parent that sharpens your focus very quickly. You just do whatever it takes to make sure she’s taken care of. Other priorities can wait. This can be difficult though when you have other responsibilities (work, sports team, etc...) that are important to you. It’s a tough balance.

J: What are you looking forward to most in the next 2-3 months or so?
D: Well, one thing I’m not looking forward to is teething, which I think Janey has already started. But I am looking forward to signs of crawling and more “talking”.
J: She talks to you a lot. She talks less with me - I think that's because I'm always talking, she can never get a word in! :p

J: What advice do you have on taking care of baby for other Dads/Dads-to-be?
D: Just use common sense. Do what makes sense for your child. Don’t be too rigid with following schedules or feeding amounts or any of that stuff. Your baby will find a way to let you know when she needs something. Just go with the flow. It’s far less stressful and the baby will sense and benefit from your lowered anxiety levels.
J: I'm with you 100% on this one. Babies can totally sense your emotions - if you are anxious, nervous, upset, etc... they will feel that and react similarly. If you are relaxed and calming, there's a greater chance they will be calm as well. I proved it to myself yesterday at Jane's 4 months vaccinations... her first vaccines, I was nervous and worried for her because I knew it would upset her and it took me 30 mins to calm her down after her shots. Yesterday, I was totally calm because I knew what to expect and I had prepared as best I could - she cried for 1 minute and then was back to smiley-faced Janey. As opposed to the first vaccines where, when she cried afterward, I got stressed and upset myself, yesterday I just talked to her in a happy voice and chuckled a bit at how cute she was when she cried... totally different response from me resulted in a totally different response from her. Rocket science :p

That's all I could think of for questions related to baby... if there's anything you're curious about, let me know! Be sure to check back on Thursday for Part 2 (can't post tomorrow as tomorrow's Weigh-in Wednesday!).

Jen :)

PS - One of my blog buddies is doing a book drive to raise money to provide books to children in low-income areas. Please click here to see how you can help with Lila`s Very Hungry Caterpillar Book Drive!

Dissecting Daddy: After the First Month

Here it is, a little late, but nonetheless, completed - gave us something to do on our extra long road trip. I say "extra" because it should have been a 2hr drive to Moncton but it ended up a 3.5 hr as we got 30mins out and I realized that I had forgotten Dan's suit and our dresses! OMG, I've lost it! :p Oh, BTW, also forgot that we had a dog so we ended up having to take Molly with us to the hotel... one word, hell.

Jen: First month down, what has been different than what you expected about being a Dad, our relationship, basically anything?
Dan: I thought it would be harder. Not that it is easy, but I thought there would be a steeper learning curve for us both. We're adapting really quickly. Jane has pretty much been as I expected as far as her behaviour (crying, feeding, sleeping, etc.), actually a little easier than I expected.
Jen: Knock on wood. :p Anything different about our relationship?
Dan: I'm surprised that I'm more attracted to you than ever... not that I expected to be less attracted to you but I didn't expect such an increase.
Jen: Why do you think that is?
Dan: Cause you gave me our little girl. It's a different chemistry and bond now than it was before.
Jen: Yeah, I agree. But I've been really bad at accepting your compliments and ever growing "affection", ha ha ha. (He can't keep his hands off me and I love it and hate it!).
Dan: I like that you're a little vulnerable right now... I don't like that you're feeling insecure but it makes me feel needed that you aren't your regular confident self. That you need me to give you more security about yourself right now.

Jen: What (if anything ha ha ha) has annoyed or angered you about me in the last month?
Dan: I didn't like that you expected me to conform to your style.
Jen: Do you have an example?
Dan: Like when Jane is in her swing and starts fussing. You would immediately jump up and pick her up or get her soother. I'll leave her be for a few seconds to see if she calms herself down, which she often does. You sometimes get upset with me for this because it's not the way you would do it.
Jen: Yeah, I'm learning now that you're right about that most of the time... she often fusses for a second and then goes right back to sleep. It just breaks my heart to hear her cry so I often run to her side before she gets a chance to go back to sleep. You got frustrated with me in the 3rd week because you said I was doing great as a Mom but not so good as a wife, explain...
Dan: You were doing everything perfectly with Jane but you were struggling a little with being a Mom and getting everything else done. You wouldn't put Jane down, even for a second and (as a result) couldn't get anything else done, even though you had the time. I also felt a little neglected, not that I need a lot of attention but just a little affection here and there would have been nice.
Jen: Yeah, I'm actually enjoying the fact that I can cook supper again (I love to cook) and do some cleaning/errands around the house. I'm working on giving you a little somethin' somethin', I've always sucked at the "spur of the moment" affection.
* I want to point out that he had a hard time finding something to answer here, which both shocked me and made me happy :)

Jen: What has surprised you most about me as a new Mom?
Dan: You have a lot of patience... a heck of a lot more with Jane that you ever have with me!
Jen: That's because her brain is 27 years younger than yours!

Jen: What advice do you have for other Dads for the first month?
Dan: Take as much time as you can with your baby because you get so little in the first month. Jane needs her Mom so much right now that if I didn't snuggle with her every chance I got, I'd never see her! You need to show your baby lots of affection, even if it seems it's not having an impact or that baby doesn't notice... I don't get much of a response from Jane at this point.
Jen: She's just starting to smile at me now. I'm sure you'll make her smile soon! What else?
Dan: Tell your wife she looks skinny, A LOT! No, seriously, make sure she knows you are still attracted to her - this is really important.
Jen: What about helping out?
Dan: Do more. Because I can't do a lot of the things to take care of Jane, I feel like taking care of the cleaning and doing some cooking helps me take care of her indirectly because it gives you the time to take care of her.
Jen: That it?
Dan: Oh, DON'T complain about being tired when you're sleeping in the guestroom and unaffected by baby's sleeping habits! ha ha ha.
Jen: Idiot. I want to add something here that you and I talked about last week and you've definitely gotten better at (I think you just weren't aware)... consistently letting your wife know that she's doing a great job and she's a great Mom. I think we're all feeling a little insecure about everything, including our abilities as a Mom. Make sure your wife knows that you notice how much she does and how great she is doing.

Jen: Any worries after the first month?
Dan: I'm worried about making time for each other. Generally we don't get much quality time together lately but I know that it's best for Jane that you stick to a schedule like you do - with bathtime and bedtime and stuff. I'm also worried that your brain will never repair itself! It's like your mommy brain is increasing at an alarming rate! ha ha ha.
Jen: I don't disagree (see first paragraph of post re: forgetting clothes and dog). :p

Jen: Anything else?
Dan: I wish we were wealthy and could give Jane everything she wants.
Jen: But all she wants now is love and boob!
Dan: I know, I just want to be the ultimate provider.
Jen: I'd say that's a typical Daddy concern. But Jane is pretty spoiled rotten and, like I said, no child is more loved!

We will check back with Super-Dad-Dan in a month and what else he has for us... You are the best hunny and I love you for everything you've done this month! I always knew you'd be a great Dad but you are a better husband than I could have ever expected... xoxoxo.

Jen :)

PS - New pics in the slideshow (on the right) from our road trip... Jane looked adorable in her dress from her Auntie Karalynn!

Dissecting Daddy: Labour & Life in Week 1

It was my hubby's idea to start a monthly post talking about things from his perspective. We'll do it interview-style as he's not much of a writer and wants to spend any free time he has with Janey. Of course, when I suggested doing an "interview" he asked if I would sleep with him to get more information out of him... ha ha ha. Men!

Here we go...

Jen: What were your thoughts and concerns during labour and delivery?
Dan: My only concerns were that Jane came out healthy and that you were as comfortable as possible. I did everything from adjusting your pillows to holding you hand and, literally, running to get some dinner. Thinking about your delivery after the fact, I may have placed too much trust in the capabilities of the medical team. I was extremely grateful that your Mom [a nurse] was in the labour room with us. She made sure everything was handled the way it should be... something you and I were not familiar with. If you don't have the luxury of your own personal nurse, I'd recommend to other husbands to ask their medical team a lot of questions, until you are satisfied. You basically have to demand the best care from them, as if it was their own labour.
Jen: What were you thinking during my early labour at home?
Dan: I was anxious to get you into the hospital because I didn't want anything to happen at home and I knew you'd be more comfortable and relaxed at hospital.

Jen: What advice to you have for other Dads-to-be on how to be a good labour partner?
Dan: Just be there for your wife. As stressed as you might be, she is way more stressed. So just pretend to be confident and put on a good face. She needs you to be the one thing she can count on.
Jen: You did a great job at this honey! I didn't think you were stressed at all, so to hear you say this cracks me up. You "pretending" to be relaxed definitely helped me as it would have stressed me out big time if I had to calm you down or convince you everything was going to be ok!

Jen: How did you feel when you saw Jane for the first time?
Dan: The single most proudest moment of my life. I thought she was beautiful and I was so relieved that she was healthy.

Jen: What advice do you have for other Dads-to-be re: the first week home?
Dan: Sleep whenever and wherever possible and be prepared to be pooped and peed on! Basically you have to be a "servant" to your wife as she adjusts to her new role of feeding and cleaning baby in a constant cycle. I've gotten a lot of glasses of water, cleaned the house more than I have in six years and had to cook, which is scary.

Jen: What has been your biggest challenge so far?
Dan: Understanding that, as Mommy, Jane is more strongly bonded to you and that you get to spend more time with her, at least at this stage in her life. It's hard to accept but it's a fact of life.
Jen: I can understand how that would be challenging... sometimes I wish you had boobs so I could have a little break!

Jen: What are your biggest concerns now that Jane is here?
Dan: Just being the best parent I can be. I want to make sure I teach her all the right lessons. Being a parent makes you want to be a better person so that you're a better role model for your child.

Jen: Anything else?
Dan: Not this time but I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about in a month!

Looking forward to my next "interview" with my hubby... he's super cute wanting to help me out. I hope he can help us gain some insight into how our hubbies are truly feeling, what they are concerned about, what they are annoyed about, etc. It definitely can't hurt!

Jen :)