I expected that having a baby would add new challenges to being married. So, I am not surprised that there are moments when I'd like to kill my husband and, I'm positive, vice versa. I decided to write this post after a disagreement on the weekend about the difference in our lives right now, and by lives I mean having a life vs. not having one.
What am I bitter about? Well for starters, how about the fact that pregnancy turned my body into a never-ending project? I have to lose weight, my boobs leak, I have pimples all over my face, my hair is shedding like a dogs, I have a new vajajay courtesy of le doc du jour, I am in a constant state of sleep-deprivation, I sweat like a singing Whitney Houston, etc. Obviously my husband has none of these issues. Secondly, and most dramatic of all our differences is the "life" situation. When I refer to "life" - I mean outside the house activities - sports, time with friends, etc. I think it's important that our husbands maintain parts of their life - we want them out of the house sometimes! :) My issue is this... I would like a little empathy, not sympathy, for the fact that it is nearly impossible for me to have a life right now and, aside from that, my life is so completely changed that having a life isn't even desirable as I know as soon as I leave the house to have this "life", I'll just worry about the consequences of me being gone - Will Jane get hungry? Will she cry the entire time? What if something happens and I'm not there? Husbands have it pretty easy. They don't have to worry about these things when they go out, they just go! I wish it was understood that not only is our new job as a Mom physically exhausting but it's also mentally exhausting... my mind will never be at ease again. I wish our husbands could just be us for 24 hours... that's the only way they can get it. I don't want to go off and do stuff on my own. The "life" I want now is doing things with my family. When I'm not given the time to have this life because my husband's life interferes, it's not a pretty sight.
What am I sweet about? Mostly that my husband is very willing and capable when it comes to taking care of Jane. I've been comfortable leaving her alone with him for a few hours since day one. He's a great Dad and so in love with his "little bug" as he calls her. He's also very understanding about most of the things listed at the beginning of the "bitter" side of this post, which makes it easier on me. He's always trying to make me feel beautiful, even when my hair is a mess (pretty much every day), I stink from sweating buckets all day, and I feel like a cow. His compliments usually get brushed off, but he persists, and he knows I appreciate every one. He's also made an effort to help out more around the house - cleaning, cooking sometimes, and being my third arm when I need it (can you get me a glass of water? can you pass that wipe? can you open the window?).
I had to write this post after my Mom, sister, and girlfriend all claimed to have experienced the "life" arguments and frustrations with their husbands. I would have thought, pre-baby, that the difficulties that would arise in my marriage would be more baby-related... who's on diaper duty, who reads the books, etc. It's hard to understand how much your life will change after your sweetie arrives, until it's hitting you in the face or, should I say, hitting you somewhere else! :p My advice on dealing with this challenge - find a way to CALMLY explain it to your husband (this is my problem - I am rarely calm) and talk to your Mommy-girlfriends! They will "get it" and they will give you the empathy that you need.