pityriasis rosea

If you're not medically inclined at all, you're probably thinking that I let Jane have at it with the keyboard...

Nope. Not the case. I've got a diagnosis on my ridiculous bikini line rash that has now spread up the sides of my belly... pityriasis rosea. Originally it had only given me itchy-crotch syndrome (not really my crotch but when you're itching your bikini line and inner thighs, it pretty much looks like your enjoying yourself inappropriately). The last few days though, it's spread up my sides and become quite itchy (see crappy picture I took with my cell phone right now to the left - obviously of my belly as I'm pretty sure I share enough of myself on the WWW, probably don't need pictures of my voo out there too). Out of concern, I dropped into the walk-in clinic today and saw a female physician who pretty much knew right away what it was. And, when I google images of it, looks like she's "spot" on... no pun intended.

Here's the good news. The doc told me there was basically no treatment and that it was "nothing to worry about".

Here's the bad news. I googled it and I'm not sure I have nothing to worry about. Apparently, it more commonly shows up during pregnancy, although the cause is unknown. A really small study was done (Oh, I love studies) and, if you get the rash in the first trimester, you're apparently at high risk for MC. Thankfully, I didn't get it then. I don't remember exactly when I did, however, but I think it was around week 18-20. Which, apparently, means (because it showed up between 15-20 weeks) that I could be at risk for decreased movement and premature delivery. Of course, like I said, this is all based on a study of like less than 40 woman. But, is it enough to have me a little freaked... a little. With all that said, I said to Dan the other night on our date night that I was a little worried because I hadn't been feeling as much movement as I had previously. Now, I fully admitted that I wasn't sure if it was because there was decreased movement OR if it was because I was paying less attention to it. Well, relief for now, because since I fessed up my fear out loud, I've been paying plenty attention and this baby moves like jagger.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to the hopeful peace of mind my ob/gyn can bring in two weeks... hopeful. :)

The stresses of pregnancy. I mean, normal day-to-day, you get a rash... if you've got kids, you likely ignore it because you don't have the time to take care of yourself, and you assume it will go away. Rash during pregnancy... you google the F outta it, find a bunch of scary crap and go see the doc as many times as reasonably possible before they send you to the mental hotel.

SO, why am I telling you this and why do you care?

(1) I'm telling you because maybe someone else out there has what I have and knows a better treatment for it then what the doctor suggested... which was nothing. Also, who else am I gonna share my yucky, weird and wacky, pregnancy-related skin issues with? Talking to my husband about pregnancy symptoms is as emotionally effective as talking to a tree stump - MEN JUST DON'T GET IT. PERIOD. They can fake it. But they don't get it. Dan doesn't get why I'm so tired all the time... um. I'M BUILDING AN ENTIRE PERSON INSIDE MY EFFIN BODY!!! YOU TRY IT!! We saw Jerry Seinfeld perform on date night this past weekend - his insights on parenthood and fatherhood were priceless. He basically said that women, despite having all parenthood duties fall on their laps, at least are blessed with instincts. Apparently, men don't have instincts. Poor guys. Yeah. Well. BOO HOO. If you don't have instincts then you should listen to me when I speak and do as I say! :p Yes, this is what I would call a random, hormone-induced, pregnancy rant. It's over now. You're welcome for that glimpse into your future if you've never been pregnant or PMS-ing before.
(2) You probably don't care. HA. But it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

Anyways, I'm going to go now after likely wasting the last 4 minutes of your time... mostly because it's a pain in the you-know-what to use the computer right now because I can't put the laptop on my lap because the added heat makes my pity rash itch like crazy. Not really the best condition for one who blogs and spends her other spare time designing invitations on the computer... WIN.

the ugly side of pregnancy

Warning. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm hot. And, as always, eating chocolate. So, nothing unusual.

Those not pregnant or of the species with a penis should run for their lives now.

I no longer wear a bra when I'm inside the house... what's the point. I used to think wearing a bra would prevent my boobs from sagging. I actually think I wore a bra to bed when I was pregnant the first time in hopes of preventing the inevitable. This is, unfortunately, a wive's tale your parents tell you when you're 14 and they think a bra is like a chastity belt. Boobs sag. Period. Whether you breast feed or not, they will end up tickling your belly button at some point in your life. Currently, I am wearing a sweatshirt and because I'm pregnant and have ridiculous hormones that make me hot as hades, I have the sweatshirt tucked into the underside of my saggy-ass boobs because it's getting hot under there and it's making me itchy.

I haven't shaved my legs in... I have no idea how long. Literally. When you're disgusted by your own leg hair, it's bad... most women think "it's not that bad" so when you look down and go "holy crap, that's nasty" it's BAD. I actually got a bath last night JUST to shave my legs and forgot to grab my razor, which was not within arms reach, so I gave up because standing up from the lying down position when pregnant is like running a 5K and is not worth it to shave your legs. PS - currently wearing short-shorts regardless of said leg hair. I only manage to shave my armpits because it's springtime and short-sleeved shirts don't hide armpit hair like you might think... just a warning. Don't reach for what's on the top shelf... or stretch. It ain't pretty for anyone nearby. Oh, and we might as well discuss the voo again. I had to show my voo to my mom the other day (she was a nurse so it's not weird) but on a brighter note, my hip/bikini line rash is still going strong, so I wanted my mom's assessment. I was actually embarrassed to show my mother my voo due to it's current condition. She told me I should start going to the spa for waxing since I can't take care of it myself. It's like on my last birthday when I asked her what wrinkle creams were THE BEST and, instead of telling me I didn't need them, she told me what I should buy. When your Mom isn't holding back the truth, it's (all together now) BAD.

One word. Saddlebags. Personally, I call them my "second a**". Not every pregnant women will get these - only the ones who eat when they're hungry or tired... so like 99.99999% of the time. The other 0.00001% of the time I'm peeing or sleeping.

Your welcome.

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

I know there are no secrets between us, but we need to talk. Obviously I've done something to upset you as you are no longer consistently around when I need you. In fact, you seem to think it's entertaining to watch me struggle some days without your support. Perhaps you and my hubby are in cahoots together as he also finds this funny and enjoys reminding me that "this is how he feels all the time"... brainless? :p (sorry honey, couldn't help it).

There are days that you make a brief appearance and I am reminded that you do exist. It makes me miss you even more. For example... actually, I can't even remember the example I was going to use to illustrate my point so obviously today you have decided you're on hiatus again.

I wish I could fix whatever it is between us that has caused you to be so distant. It's been almost a year now since I got pregnant and you decided I was no longer worthy of your assistance. Why? Was it that suddenly you were over-worked with all the new worries and "need to knows" that came once I realized I was having a baby? Did you feel under-appreciated? Or were you angry that so much energy was being devoted to building my new little love-bug vs. in increasing your own capabilities?

Regardless of reason, despite my stubbornness, I am here to apologize... not knowing what I did wrong (which further proves that, without you, I am more like a man than I would like to admit). You have been with me when I needed you the most over the past three months, however, I'd like you back for good.

Love always,
Jen :)

PS - I've included a picture from the weekend I found out I was pregnant. Perhaps it'll remind you of what we used to look like together ;p

Dear Boobs

Dear Boobs,

First off, thank you. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that you, after 26 years of basically doing nothing but costing me extra dough in bras, are now nurturing my baby Jane. It's so strange when I think that there's MILK coming out of you! MILK! I mean how weird would it be if I could cut a piece of tenderloin off my thigh or pick apples from my hair?!?!

I think I shall name you as it suddenly feels necessary as you've each taken on a personality of your own. Left boob, you will be called Bertha... as you consistently engorged yourself and end up squirting Jane in the face every time she feeds from you. Right boob, you will be Bessie... because you are fairly well behaved and slightly smaller than Bertha! ha ha ha.

I realize you owe me nothing after the sacrifice you've made since I got pregnant... you've grown, changed colour, been chewed to death and are basically unrecognizable to me from my pre-pregnancy tah-tahs. However, I'm a woman and "if you give a mouse a cookie"... so, what I'm asking is not a simple task and may, in fact, be impossible. Here we go - any chance that, when I'm done breastfeeding, you could not deflate too such an extreme that I have to get larger pants so that you can be tucked into the waistline? I think it's going to be hard enough to get my sexy back without having to worry about picking my boobs up off my lap when I stand up.

Sincerely,

Jen :)