Apr 11, 2012

the ugly side of pregnancy

Warning. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm hot. And, as always, eating chocolate. So, nothing unusual.

Those not pregnant or of the species with a penis should run for their lives now.

I no longer wear a bra when I'm inside the house... what's the point. I used to think wearing a bra would prevent my boobs from sagging. I actually think I wore a bra to bed when I was pregnant the first time in hopes of preventing the inevitable. This is, unfortunately, a wive's tale your parents tell you when you're 14 and they think a bra is like a chastity belt. Boobs sag. Period. Whether you breast feed or not, they will end up tickling your belly button at some point in your life. Currently, I am wearing a sweatshirt and because I'm pregnant and have ridiculous hormones that make me hot as hades, I have the sweatshirt tucked into the underside of my saggy-ass boobs because it's getting hot under there and it's making me itchy.

I haven't shaved my legs in... I have no idea how long. Literally. When you're disgusted by your own leg hair, it's bad... most women think "it's not that bad" so when you look down and go "holy crap, that's nasty" it's BAD. I actually got a bath last night JUST to shave my legs and forgot to grab my razor, which was not within arms reach, so I gave up because standing up from the lying down position when pregnant is like running a 5K and is not worth it to shave your legs. PS - currently wearing short-shorts regardless of said leg hair. I only manage to shave my armpits because it's springtime and short-sleeved shirts don't hide armpit hair like you might think... just a warning. Don't reach for what's on the top shelf... or stretch. It ain't pretty for anyone nearby. Oh, and we might as well discuss the voo again. I had to show my voo to my mom the other day (she was a nurse so it's not weird) but on a brighter note, my hip/bikini line rash is still going strong, so I wanted my mom's assessment. I was actually embarrassed to show my mother my voo due to it's current condition. She told me I should start going to the spa for waxing since I can't take care of it myself. It's like on my last birthday when I asked her what wrinkle creams were THE BEST and, instead of telling me I didn't need them, she told me what I should buy. When your Mom isn't holding back the truth, it's (all together now) BAD.

One word. Saddlebags. Personally, I call them my "second a**". Not every pregnant women will get these - only the ones who eat when they're hungry or tired... so like 99.99999% of the time. The other 0.00001% of the time I'm peeing or sleeping.

Your welcome.


Jeanette said...

Have I told you that I love you lately? LOL. This post is priceless. It's getting to the point that I may have to use my husbands clippers on my legs or break out the weed wacker early to fix these legs. LOL. As for the voo, I'm so nervous to go to my OBGYN in fear that she may want to see down there. My OCD level with that alone is at an all time high. I also fear that when I deliver the baby, more people will see my "unkept" voo. Something tells me at that point, I will probably care less what anyone thinks ;)

Jenn said...

Love love love your blog. You are hilarious! I laugh out loud when I read your posts, and I rave about it to pregnant friends! I came across it when I was pregnant with my now 19-month old son and loved how refreshing and HONEST you were! Continuing to read 'cause it's just too good...and funny! Please keep it up :)