Ambitiously, I woke up yesterday thinking - I'm going to start eating healthier this week. Post-easter guilt. FAIL. Too much chocolate in the house, combined with exhaustion = PREGNANT WOMAN HELL.
Here's why I'm exhausted and why I'm a sucker... any advice, as always, is appreciated. Keeping in mind that I'm exhausted and a SUCKER!
Jane's been waking up again throughout the night. I remember during my first pregnancy sleeping horribly and thinking "well, this is my body's way of preparing me for a new baby". Well, maybe, this is Jane's way of preparing me for a new baby??? ARGH! OR, for making me age 10 years in four nights.
I have NO IDEA how it started, usually I can trace it back to something I did (seriously, it's pretty near always my fault because, being the mom, I'm pretty sure I have the most influence) but I have no idea how this started... she's waking up several times throughout the night to get me to "tuck her in". She must toss and turn throughout the night and then, of course, the blanket gets kicked off, she gets uncovered and needs to be tucked in. I'm 99% sure she's not getting cold, being that she sleeps in fleece jammies and her room temp is set at 20+ degrees (Celsius for my US gals).
So, here's the first thing I did - get her new jammies. Because along with the tuck-in issues, she's been complaining that her old jammies are "bothering me". So, new jammies. Check one. Except, I didn't put them on her last night because they are cotton and I was thinking that the fleece ones might keep her asleep because, if she did lose the blanket, she'd still be warm. FAIL. She was up like 100 times last night. Between 1:11am and 2:47am, she was up pretty much every 10 minutes I swear... and not doing what she usually does when she wakes up - talking, singing, laughing - she was SCREECHING. At first, I was nice, calm, soothing mommy. But, by 2:21am, I was GRUMPY, DON'T F WITH ME MOMMY. And I left her to cry. Calling out to me. Begging me to tuck her in. Heartbreaking. I left her for like 15 minutes. If it had calmed down, I would have been satisfied with my efforts. But it escalated. Jane rarely escalates. I HATE that she was calling out for me. SERIOUS GUILT. Anyways, I failed miserably at that tactic and ended up, 15 mins in, going in - very, seriously grumpily - to tell her no more crying and that this was the last time mommy was coming in and I wasn't tucking her in anymore because she was a big girl and big girls didn't cry unless they were sick or scared!!!! ARGH!! GRRRR!!! I was grumpy... So, it might have been a very stern conversation. To which she responds in her quietest, sweetest, voice....
"I just need some help sometimes... My hands are too little."
If my heart could have been stabbed repeatedly with a blunt object it would have hurt less than the guilt I felt at that moment. Am I a sucker? I have no idea. But she got me. BIG TIME. My hands are too little. I just need help "sometimes". She says "sometimes" at the end of a lot of her sentences... and it just made it that much sweeter. ARGH. I felt like the WORST MOTHER EVER. My hands are too little. OUCH. Sorry. I wish I could have taped it for you - you would be dying like me right now.
So, we changed her into her new jammies and, guess what, no more wake ups. EFFER. I suck and I'm a sucker.
Seriously, if this kid is taking me for a sucker, then she's the smartest two year old on the planet because she knew exactly what to say to turn grumpy, pretty-well-yelling, 2am mommy into a lamb.
I'm going to start her off tonight in the new jammies and combine that with prayer for a good night's sleep. I can't handle the guilt or the exhaustion.
Someone remind me again how I'm supposed to do this with TWO in four months?? At least the newbie can't tell me that she "just wants to be snuggled and held because I'm just a baby and I need my mommy" when I'm trying to put her in her crib for a nap... that would suck. Maybe that's why it takes babies a year or so to talk - gives the Moms a break period where we don't have to suffer through the guilt of what they are really thinking!
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