like a hangover without the fun of the night before...

So, originally, I had thought I might do an update post to explain what's gone on in my life in the last year. I've scratched that idea because I'm pretty sure I can't remember what the heck has happened in the last twenty four hours, let alone twelve months...

What I will do is share with you the joys of my first trimester with baby deux and we'll start from there.

When I set out to get pregnant the first time 'round, I had realistic expectations. If you're interested in reading about my previous baby-making "business" (and it is business, not pleasure), read here. So, when we finally decided to give it a go with baby number two, as much as I didn't want to... I had expectations. MISTAKE.

I tried to tell myself, and everyone around me, that because we had such an "easy" time getting pregnant with Jane, that I fully expected it to take us longer this time - being that you can't get lucky twice in a row. But, in reality, I was hoping and expecting that it wouldn't take us long to get pregnant. That's almost the hardest part about making the decision to start trying... the expectations. Never fail, as soon as we say "lets do it" (literally and figuratively :p), we want to be pregnant instantaneously. This is obviously human nature otherwise Clear Blue wouldn't have a hope in hell with their "ovulation indicators" and such (and I'll fully admit, I bought a ton online when I was trying to get preggers the first time only to have them arrive two weeks after I found out I was pregnant...). So, despite what we tell ourselves, we hold out hope that conception will occur almost miraculously once we make the big decision. Then, to make matters "worse", what happens?

You find out that one of your friends is pregnant...

"YAY. I'm so happy for you (I hate you). Congratulations (screw you and your fertile eggs)! You must be so excited (you ungrateful, bragging....)!" :p

You know it was my goal when I set out to re-start the blog that I keep my posts short... I guess it's just not my style. I blabber uncontrollably and get off topic religiously... really? Since this post was supposed to be about my first trimester and I've yet to mention a thing about it yet. Right on track Jen. Spot on.

Here we go...

I went through three costco boxes of pregnancy tests in two months... that's 12 tests... apparently I don't believe in the accuracy of the first three tests. I took tests even when I knew, logically, that there was no way, pregnant or not, they could come back positive... just to see, just in case! :p

Then it happened. Month two. TMI alert. One night, I felt the "letdown" sensation like I used to when I breastfed. Of course, to avoid future heartbreak, I convinced myself that maybe it was just a sign of ovulation or something. Regardless, I took one of 8 tests that night... just in case. Negative. Waited a few days. Negative. Another day but first thing in the morning. Negative. Three more days. Negative.

Then something.
Me: "Is that a faint line?"
Dan: "No."
Me: "I think it is. Look hard. If you look at it close in the light, it's really faint but I can kind of see it..."
Dan: "You're crazy"
Two more tests a few days later confirmed (faintly) what I really wanted to believe... I was pregnant.

Then you have a few weeks of uninterrupted bliss before the hangover starts... with Jane, I never had morning sickness. I had insomnia. But no sickness. This time around? It's like having a hangover everyday without the fun of the night before. Exhausted - like can't hold your eyes open at any point in the day exhausted. Nausea of all ranges. Wanting to throw-up just because you're praying it will make you feel better. Wanting to throw yourself out a window to avoid the scent of a certain food. And, yet, you have cravings for ridiculous foods like calamari and ketchup chips.

I was only lucky enough to have had it only last a month or two. When I reached the 11-12 week mark it just kind of faded. I'm still zonkered half of the time. I go to sleep at 8:30pm on a "late" night. But the nausea has settled, or I've learned how to avoid it - by stuffing my face with crackers as if my body needs them like it needs oxygen.

But here I am. Through my first trimester. Doesn't pregnancy seem like the longest 10 months of your life? And, then, all of a sudden it's your due date and it seems like it flew by.

When I compare my two pregnancies, the biggest difference so far is ME. With my first pregnancy, I was obsessed with doing everything "right". I avoided caffeine of all types, ate nothing that might even potentially have some sort of bacteria in it, turned my head at the sight of alcohol... I even checked the temperature of a few of my baths, just in case, they were above 38 degrees. This time, we'll say I'm a little more relaxed... I've had a few too many drinks on several occasions, I eat whatever I want, I drink 2-3 coffee a day and live in the hot tub. LIE. But I've definitely had a few sips of vino, eaten some goat cheese I wasn't 100% sure was pasteurized, and I don't bathe next to a thermometer anymore. I'm hoping I can carry this more relaxed, easy-going attitude into life with two... unlikely, but a girl can dream.

For those with two or currently baking baby number two - is your second pregnancy any different for you?