No Desire...

I could come up with a bazillion excuses for why I haven't been blogging lately... and I've probably got some good ones. But, fact is, I just don't have the desire. A year ago, I couldn't get enough. I would pre-write posts for weeks in advance because I just didn't have the time to keep up with all the writing I wanted to do. Today. Zip. I got nothing. I can't think of anything to inspire me (I don't mean I don't have inspiration, I guess motivation is the word not inspiration). I could absolutely write about squat but it would suck because I am not into it.

This struggle kind of makes me feel like when you're trying to lose weight... most of us go on for week talking about how we need to lose weight and need to exercise, but until we're completely motivated, it's just making us feel guilty and crappier because we know we need to lose weight and we're doing nothing. I know I need to just fess up and say "I'm probably not going to be blogging regularly anymore" but it makes me feel guilty!

But, truth is, if it ain't clear, I'm probably not going to be blogging regularly anymore. This blog has been awesome. I have met some fabulous friends from all over the world and, most importantly, survived the first year as a new Mom with my sanity. I thank everyone for following regularly and being so supportive and, even, to those who have been critical (although I thank you less :p ha ha ha, just kiddin).

I may still "pop in" every once in awhile to give an update on how everyone is doing. Or to ask for advice when I'm completely lost.

Good luck to all of you. Obviously, the blog will remain online and active as I know there are a few of you still using it as a resource to keep your own sanity! :)

Lots of love, xoxoxo
Jen
a.k.a. Mommy Brain

PS - Mommy brain still affects me every now and then. Got to the line up at the grocery store today without my wallet. Awesome.

My Life Update

Alright Y'all - I owe you some serious nonsense. Life has been insanity lately - between work, being sick, traveling and, oh yeah, being a MOM, blogging has unfortunately taken a back burner. So, here's the last month or so in review...

What I'm wearing
Size 4 or 6! Believe it or not, and you know me, I am definitely NOT bragging, but I weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy now. And there's absolutely no reason for it. I just finished off a bag of sour patch kids and some "mini" chocolates. I think it's just pure busy-ness that's prevented me from gaining weight and allowed me to lose weight. At work, when things are ideal, I'm running my a** off. At home, I'm running my a** off. I still don't exercise. F. I suck at that. I keep thinking I want to take another running room course, and it might just work out in the next month or so.

What I'm watching
Currently... the Bachelor Pad. First time watching - no idea how long it's been on but I was hooked within 30 seconds. Priority numero uno is True Blood though. Dear God can Sookie just get over nasty Bill and get with the were or Eric. Seriously. I realize the two are a couple in real life but I'm over it. Next on my favs list for the summer - an unexpected CANADIAN hit - Rookie Blue. I'll admit, the first few episodes I watched cause nothing else was on... kind of lame, awkward acting, etc. Now. I am insanely obsessed. If you watch - holy MAC - that chemistry between Mcnally and Swarek. PHEW! Insanity. I just wish the entire show was them going back and forth. Other than those, I stick to TMZ which makes me pee my pants daily and that's about it. Looking forward to the return of all my favs in the fall - just hoping they don't can all the shows I got hooked on last year - I hate it when they do that. At least finish the freakin' show off by letting the two people get together in the end - basically every show I get hooked on has the couple who can't be together but secretly want each other storyline.

What I'm worrying about
Everything as usual. This is totally corn-bally but I love Jane so much that it is scary. Obviously, I enjoy every minute with her and I'm truly not the type of person to let worry overtake my life. But, at least daily, my mind wanders to "what if" or I have one of those horrible daydreams I've mentioned a bazillion times and it's just so freakin' stressful! ha ha ha. How do Moms do it? How am I going to let her leave the house on her own, go to school, go somewhere alone, leave for university... does it get easier? Even when I leave Jane with people I trust completely (my sister, daycare, my mom), I envision them leaving a gate open or her getting away from them and getting lost or getting taken or getting hurt. AHHHHH. Am I crazy? Like I said, my mind's not going like this all the time. But it probably is, I'm just not conscious of it. In all honestly, for the same reason I posted that horrible video the other day, I am thankful for the worry because it keeps me on my toes. Obviously there are times when we slip up - we forget to close the gate and find our babes halfway up the stairs (yeah, that was me, I'll admit it), we turn our backs for a second when we shouldn't, etc. But I'd rather be super aware than ignorant... that's just me.

What I'm waiting for
Nothing. I am being 2000% honest when I say that I am enjoying every minute of every day right now! Having kids changes your perspective - yeah, sometimes I still have my moment where I whine about stupid things but mostly, no. I am just happy to have a healthy family, to be happy, to have lots of time to spend with my daughter. That's it. I guess as far as stupid stuff goes - I'm waiting for the Backstreet Boys concert next week - WOOHOO. ha ha ha. Who doesn't want to relive their adolescence for a night?!?! C'mon! Get down! Get down! And move it all around! :p

What I'm dreading.
Having to clean the house tomorrow. Seriously considering hiring a cleaning lady to come in bi-weekly. It's just not worth it anymore. Keeping the house tidy is no biggie. But bathrooms and baseboards? I'd rather exercise and that's saying a lot! My only saving grace is my trusty Clorox wipes. I am loyal to Clorox until the end of days. They were my best friend when Jane was little and cleaning time consisted of the five seconds I was in the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I am not loyal to much as far as products go - I'm loyal to the cheapest brand, I guess. But I stick with Clorox because I feel indebted to them. ha ha ha. Seriously. Isn't that sad! And because they last forever. I used to see them pre-baby and think, geez, $4 for stupid wipes... expensive. I can get two bottles of concentrated cleaner for that that will last me a year. Now, $4 is nothing. The canister lasts me at least a month and it's worth every extra penny. Sanity is priceless.

What I'm working on
A job change. I know, I just got a new job a few months ago. Well, life works in strange ways. A job came up with a company I had connected with back in the Spring and it is a great opportunity and definitely fits more easily with our lifestyle and  our schedules. My current job was shifts, days/nights/weekends. I didn't think it would be so difficult but it really has been a coordination nightmare. Dan's been in and out of town for sports and work and it's just been a mess. I hate being anything but a great, easy, hard working employee. So, to be a pain in the a** because of scheduling, was hard on me. Regardless, I'm a firm "what's meant to be..." chick. So, I'm excited about this new opportunity.

What I need to do now
Go to bed. It's almost 11pm and I should have been asleep hours ago. Jane's got this new "schedule" (I put it in quotations in hopes that it's more of a phase than a schedule) where she wakes up at 5 or 5:30am. It's awesome. And, by awesome, I mean throw the pillow over your head and ask "WHY GOD WHY???" awesome. I don't know why 6am is so much easier or why that extra 30-60 minutes means the difference between acceptable and excruciating but that's the way it is. Everything gets screwed by that extra 30-60 mins.... I eat breakfast at 6am. I'm starving again at 8am. I'm ready to go back to bed by 9am. It's a mess.

Ok, I have to stop now. As requested, here are some pics from our recent trip. Believe it or not, we have like no photos from the wedding. I'm sure the prof pics will have a few of me walking down the aisle with Jane but by the time we got back to the reception, Jane was asleep and that was that! The pics of Jane and Lucy are pre-rehearsal dinner - matching dresses of course! They were hilarious playing together on the bed. Obviously, the beautiful bride is my bestest friend in the whole world and she was literally the most stunning thing I'd ever seen in my life!

Out of the Office :)

On vacation until Tuesday... Have a great one! :)

Resume Update

I've decided to update my resume - and I'm putting Mom as my most recent position. I'm 100% serious when I say that I don't see how employers don't line up to give new and experienced Moms a job. We can do ANYTHING. My life is a constant juggle that I make work. I'm an organizational genius. I can prioritize like no one's business. Multi-task is my middle name. Delegation is survival. Seriously. I'm considering listing it under the following title: CEO, CFO & President, The Ellenberger House.

You know what? I think, if you were lucky enough to come by another Mom when applying for a job, that would work in your favour.

However, when most of us head back to work - the questions we get are along the lines of "do you think you can handle the hours?", "aren't you going to be exhausted?"... etc. etc. Are you serious? Exhausted? The hours? Working outside the house is a breeze compared to my former full-time Mom position! :p Working an 8 or 9 hour day is nothing compared to working a 24/7 week on 4 hours of broken sleep. Like I said, we can do anything. Even on day when my previous night's sleep has been horrible because of a sick baby, or a teething baby, or just an "off baby, I survive with a smile on my face - why? - because we have to! When our babes were newbies and barely sleeping 3 hours straight at a time, we didn't wake up grouchy, complaining, and unable to perform our roles as Mommas - we woke up smiling, bouncing, playing and happily taken care of business for our sweetie pies. As opposed to others who may arrive at work on lack of sleep and whimper around, head hanging low, rubbing eyes, etc. (we've all seen it), we arrive to work (on no sleep) smiling and working at the same pace as always - efficiently. At least, I can generally say that for myself. The only time lack of sleep gets me down is when it results in being sick... at that point your body is commanding you to slow down.

On that note, gotta run to work! :)

Travel Tips?

Anybody have any good traveling with a 14 month old tips for me? Aside from the obvious - drink on the way up/down and so on...

We're off to my best friend's wedding "back home" this weekend and I can't wait! I've been working on my packing list for almost three weeks now and it all seems to be coming together. You may think - three weeks? WTH? But that's how it works. If I were to just sit down and pound out a list right now, I'd forget a thousand things. But, if I start a list weeks in advance, as I'm using necessary things, I write them down... prevents me from having to rely on solely on the immediate power of my brain and allows me to rely on the fact that my brain works in spurts over time vs. on demand! :p ha ha ha.

Here are the things running through my head on a regular basis the last month:
Does my room have a fridge? A lot of hotels have done away with bar fridges. Where am I supposed to keep my milk?
Where will Jane sleep? Do I have to bring my pack-n-play? Does the hotel have "cribs"? Do I really want Jane sleeping in a hotel "crib" (no)? When she does sleep - what will we do? We can't turn on the tv/lights/etc... so we just lie there in the dark from 7pm onward?
What about snacks and mealtimes? I don't carry a high-chair around with me. Most restos have them so that's no biggie for bf/lunch/dinner but what about snack times? I'm not hitting up a resto or store everytime it's snack time. Have to hit up the grocery store on arrival and that leads back to the fridge question (thankfully, I've checked and our hotel does have fridges).
What about heating up the bottles? Most hotels don't have microwaves in the rooms!?!? I'll have to pre-heat in hot water!!! AHHHH! That should be "fun".
Jane's not going to fall asleep with us in the room! She's going to hop up, see us, and laugh. Awesome. Will have to make some fort around her pack-n-play so she can't see us... that should be interesting.
Schedule is thrown out the window I guess. Hoping that doesn't screw up my night's sleeps and the rest of my life when I get home! ha ha ha. On the positive side, it's really the girls at daycare who will have to deal with the consequences - sorry girls! :)
How do you keep a 14 month old occupied during a wedding ceremony?
I should to re-confirm my rental car and hotel and third time. Just to be sure. Imagine if I arrived and there was no car for me. Awesome.
We aren't bringing many toys... is Jane going to go insane? Hmmm, we'll probably be pretty busy running around and Lucy will be around, that's the best toy ever right there! :p
Do I even bother bringing my camera? I love taking pictures but seeing as Dan's not arriving until the weekend, managing Jane and a camera seems like exercise. Nah. Mom will probably have hers and that'll do.
HAH - haven't even mentioned the most exciting part of it all - 1.5 hours on a plane with Jane stuck in a seat with me. Dear Person sitting next to us... you should have paid more and gotten first class. Love, Me. Jane's pretty laid back but, then again, she's not recently be stuck in the same place for almost two hours. Definitely should be an interesting adventure. On the plus, I'm flying Porter and apparently they have free booze. So worst case, Mommy gets tanked and thinks it's funny that Jane is running up and down the aisle yelling at everyone as she passes... :p Here's a thought for you - when traveling alone, what do you do with your child when you have to get into your seat and put your bag under the seat in front of you? Huh. Most people don't think about that until you're on the plane faced with the delima. F. That stupid word again. Seriously? Dilemma. YAY. Only took two tries. Not such a big deal when babes are sturdy enough to sit themselves or stand but the first time I traveled with Jane she was 8 weeks... thankfully, I had my Dad to help me out! On that note. How do you get out your ID and boarding passes and then, WORSE, get them back in your wallet securely with a baby in your arms? Hmmm... Nevermind, I'll have the umbrella stroller. Phew. :p
Oh Man. The airplane is nothing compared to maneuvering security lines and everything. Crap. Didn't even think about that. And people are such dicks too. If I saw a Mom traveling with a baby by herself, I'd help her out or let her skip ahead of the line or something! Sometimes people surprise me though. We'll see. East coasters tend to be kind people - TEND being the key word there. Even "angels" can be a**holes on the wrong day.

K, have to go. I know I'm the worst blogger in the world as far as frequency these days. If you're not back to work yet... welcome to bliss and hell. Bliss in that it's awesome to get back a little of your previous self. Hell in that you want to spend every second you have at home with your sweetie pie and then, when they hit the sheets, you're exhausted!