Apr 19, 2010

The Lowdown

Is lowdown a word? It's not coming up red on my screen... more importantly, I'm not sure I'm using it correctly as I'm about to give an update on what's going on in my house. I think that's "the lowdown" or is it the "downlow"? Hmmm, downlow comes up red and sounds gangsta. I'll stick with lowdown. FYI... the above paragraph basically summarize the thoughts that go on in my head every minute of the day. I question everything I say and do these days because my MOmMy bRaIn does not seem to be clearing up. Although, from job interview experience, it does seem to be temporarily disguised at least for short intervals. :p

Here goes...

I'm still jobless. Am I stressed about it? Heck yeah. I haven't been applying for jobs all over the place but, fact is, that's because there aren't that may jobs to apply for! (If the following sounds arrogant, I apologize, I don't mean it to sound that way - you know me). I'm pretty confident in myself. I am also pretty confident that I can be great at whatever I do and I can pretty much learn to do anything. I'm smart, I'm ambitious, I'm a go-getter, I'm creative, I'm a great communicator... Obviously I have some "weaknesses" (chocolate for one :p) but so far my biggest challenge in finding a job seems to be that I'm either over-qualified or under-qualified for every job that is out there and there are so many people looking for jobs right now that employers don't have to take a chance on someone who's not the perfect fit... cause they can probably find someone else who is perfect. I've yet to find the perfect job. I've found jobs I would love to do and am confident I could do well, however, my resume doesn't "say" that I have the skills to do the job, even though I feel I do. As if job hunting wasn't complicated enough, add in my beautiful 10 month old. If and when I get interviews, I have to find someone to take care of Jane which is made difficult by the fact that we don't have a lot of options (thankfully friends have been able to step up so far). Aside from the immediate issues of babysitting, Jane was registered for daycare in May... daycare definitely puts time pressure on as if it wasn't already on anyways. Thankfully, I've been able to push our daycare back until June but now I worry what will happen if I get a job mid-May! This is why it's ideal NOT to lose your job while pregnant or on maternity leave... most people don't have to worry about this stuff. They have a set "return to work" date and can coordinate accordingly. I hate that I'm sounding like a whiner right now because I know, compared to a lot of others, I am very lucky. We are not in a life-or-death situation, not financially in ruins, etc. I know I am very lucky.

Janers is doing fabulously. She is such a happy child, always laughing, always smiling. We took a chance and went out to dinner last night (for the first time in months) and she was awesome. Last time we took her out, she was too small for the highchair so we had to take turns holding her and walking around - not your ideal enjoyable dinner situation. This time I pre-packed every one of her favourite finger foods, put her in the high chair and she was as happy as a lark. She had everyone in the restaurant wrapped around her finger... was so nice to get out and now I'm confident about doing it again, whereas after our previous experience, I was avoiding it like the plague.

She's been pulling herself up on everything for the last four weeks or so. Always wanting to stand and getting a lot sturdier on her legs which is just so cute. My favourite thing right now is that, when we're playing together on the floor, every once in a while she'll scurry over to me (I'm lying down), stand up against me and snuggle into me. It's like the happiest moment of my life every time she does it! To those Moms out there with young babes, it's hard not getting any affection back when you're giving so much... it's so worth it when it starts coming back to you, so worth it. I don't know if she's anywhere near walking yet. She still seems very cautious about it all, which, I'll admit, I kind of love. The stress level automatically increases when they start crawling, then they start standing up and it goes up again, then walking... oh my! My Mom is visiting this week and says that she can see why Jane's not taking steps as of yet - apparently her legs are insanely long. You don't notice these things when you're the parent, it's just normal to you. My Mom says her legs are so long that it's throwing off her "center of balance". What that means to me? Peace of mind. Most parents are trying to promote the physical milestones - racing to get their kids crawling and walking. I'm not trying to stunt it but I'm not forcing it at all... I love it when Jane reaches milestones but I must say life was sometimes easier when I could set Jane down and not worry that when I turned my back she'd be crawling up the stairs!

The other benefit of having my Mom here is that she was able to shed some light on Jane's waking during the night this morning... obviously I didn't wake my Mother when Jane woke, but a Mother is always a Mother and my Mom can probably hear a baby waking through several layers of concrete, let alone a measly wall. She said it sounds like she's got a little discomfort, like teething or something. Which is kind of what I thought. Jane's got five teeth through now with at least two more sitting at the gums (how do you say that? Every time I type "gums" it says it's not word but gum doesn't sound right). I've always thought that her waking was teething but you feel like an idiot blaming it all on teething, especially for three months straight. I don't know. That's the hardest part... going into her room at 3am thinking "what the heck is wrong". You never know. Is it teething? Is it that she is only crying to get a reaction out of me? Is it that she's hungry? Is she cold? Is she hot? Does she have gas? Is she constipated? Is she sick? Does she have a feaver? Should I leave her for a bit? Should I go in and give her her soother and see if that works? Is she only spitting out her soother so I respond?... it never ends.

It's snowing here today. No, I'm not kidding. It's freakin' mid-April, we were wearing shorts two weeks ago and it's snowing now. The tulips are covered in snow. Fab.

I've been taking a photography course which I'm loving. Ever since Jane arrived I've become obsessed with photography (thus, the four hundred pictures I post on facebook everyday). I'm going to start taking pictures for friends of their babes and so on and really looking forward to that. It's nice to have that to keep me busy aside from being a Mom (as if that's not busy enough). :p

I'm sure there's a bazillion other things that I should update you on but I can't remember them and I've only got 20 mins before Jane wakes up (actually, before I wake Jane up). I know, what I have referred to as the sin of parenting, waking a sleeping child. However, we're going to try halving the length of Jane's two naps (which are usually about an hour and a half each) during the day to see if that helps sleeping through the night. I'm on the fence about this one and I so enjoy my "breaks" during the day, however, if I ever find a job when I find a job, it will be nice to get a full nights sleep and let someone else worry about getting a break! :p

Happy Monday!

Oh, FYI... just got some feedback with a little curiosity of whether the blog will end when I get a job - here's my answer. No. I will do my best to keep up with daily posts, although, I cannot guarantee it. However, I love this blog. I love writing and I love meeting and sharing mommyhood with all of you. It will never end (insert scary villain laugh here). :p

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Jody said...

I had the same problem with my almost 10 month old waking through the night. We shortened her afternoon nap to 30 min and she has slept through the night for a week now! It may be a fluke but hopefully it continues. I do leave her have a larger nap in the morning because then she is better rested to do activities through the day. I also found that shortening this nap caused her to take her afternoon nap too early and then she was a mess before she even had supper. Good luck with Jane, I'm sure with a little tweaking you will find what works for her. By the way how is the weaning going?

sarah said...

"HER gums"? instead if "the" ? does that sound better? lol from one mommy brain to another.
And it was snowing here the other day too, didnt stick, but it was like mini hail and the day before that, super nice, like almost shorts weather! grr!
Oh and I think lowdown is right, but then again the same thing would go through my head too, lowdown vs downlow.....I think downlow is for like keeping a secret, you know "keep it on the downlow" :) lol.

Karyn said...

I just stumbled across your blog, and have spent my whole week reading your archived posts! I sure hope that you didn't have a change of heart and are still planning on keeping up your blog, as once I make it to the beginning (or the end?-whichever is the most recent post), I will be at a loss not having your posts to read!