whats-in-the-news wednesday

This is my easiest and most favourite post of the week... ah, how I love to make fun of others. :p

The twelve secrets of dining out with children - (1) candy, (2) bribery, (3) candy + bribery, (4) empty threats, (5) empty threats followed by bribery with candy, etc. You get the point. Here's a better suggestion, um... have you ever heard of take out? OR, there's this new thing called a babysitter. Golden.

Gifts at Easter? Since when is chocolate not enough? - Anyone who thinks chocolate is not the best gift in the world is either (1) stupid or (2) male (which goes hand-n-hand with number one). :p But I do agree. I know of parents who have bought huge gifts (like iPADs and crap) for Easter gifts. INSANITY. Listen, when I was growing up my mom did the best easter egg hunts. THE BEST. It was so much better than gifts. The hunt is awesome. Parents who substitute the hunt for gifts are lazy. Even when I was a "grown up" and didn't have kids, I used to do hunts for Dan. I don't care how old you are, finding chocolate hidden all over your house is like waking up in heaven. Kids won't remember the gifts in 10 years, they will remember the fun of the hunt though. We need to think like this more often. It ain't all about the $$ people.

10 wacky pregnancy cravings revealed by celebrities - I'm gonna guess this list includes mostly food that has more than -10 calories per serving (i.e. not lettuce leafs and papertowel). I have a theory that I know is not 100% accurate but, I think, has some merit - I have lots of theories in case it ain't obvious. Sometimes, I find, that the healthiest, tiniest, skinniest, most weight obsessed ladies are the same ones who put on 80 lbs during pregnancy. Not all. But sometimes. Example. Me. What I would call a normal sized chick. I put on 35 lbs with my first pregnancy. Not the ideal 25 lbs but not 70 lbs. Why? Because I always eat crap! I didn't get preggers and think WOOT WOOT, now I can eat for two. I eat for two on a regular basis. Some women who are extreme about being skinny and all that crap totally lose it during pregnancy and at their first taste of food with calories, are gonners. I take pleasure in watching them balloon because I am cruel.

Can a mathematical formula predict which celebrity unions will last? - Yes. I'm Einstein. Here it is. 1 + 1= divorce.

Our new friends keep bailing on our dinners - Dear Lord people, really? Can nobody take a hint? Is this person writing the article to try and find out how to get their "friends" to come to dinner... give me a break people. Your friends think you suck! If I don't call you back, I don't want to. If I don't email you back, I don't want to. If I don't show up to things you invite me to, I don't want to. Why can't people just understand that not everybody likes them? I'm positive there's a bazillion people who don't like me. Here's my strategy, I pretend they don't exist and, here's some rocket science, I don't invite them to dinner.

I met the love of my life at a bar - You and 99% of atlantic canadians, 100% of newfoundlanders. So what?

Bed. Time.