Apr 26, 2010

Mommy Guilt

Watching Ellen last week gave me the inspiration for today's post... J-Lo (yes, she drives me crazy too) was on. Ellen asked her what the hardest thing was about being a Mom. Her answer? "The guilt". So true.

One thing that no one prepares you for and no book tells you about is the guilt. And, although the guilt decreases a little (or so it seems) as time goes on, it never goes away.

It's starts off as guilt for putting your baby down. Literally. I used to feel guilty, when Jane was asleep (when she was "brand new") putting her down in her swing or cradle. She slept so much better in my arms that I felt I was being selfish by putting her down so I could do something for me. That ends and then you start leaving the house. Then you feel guilty for leaving them so you burn it around the grocery store like there's a rocket in your a** to return home and find them completely content. Then you feel guilt when they are playing on the floor and you aren't playing with them (because you're doing one of the 100 other things that needs to be - cleaning, showering, etc.). So, you immediately lie on the floor and give up on the dirty dishes. Then you have to go back to work. I don't know this guilt yet, but I'm told it ain't pretty.

Guilt is just one of the new emotions (is guilt an emotion?) that accompanies the worry, stress, fear, and complete JOY that comes with being a mommy. So far, what I've learned, is that the only thing that "cures" the guilt is to go ahead an do what you were going to do and see that, in the end, your baby is fine! ha ha ha. I think sometimes, as Moms, we feel like our babies won't be happy unless we're there with them. I'll never forget the first time I left the house for longer than an hour (it was four). I almost cried when I left, seriously (nowadays I do a little happy dance when I get a break like that... and I feel so guilty saying that that I feel like I should delete it but I am resisting temptation and moving on). I expected, that when I was gone, Jane would realize it and cry the entire time. So, the entire time I was gone I was thinking about my sweet darling stressed, upset, missing her mommy. When I returned home, she was asleep. I asked Dan how she'd been and his response was "fine". No crying. No fits. No missing. I was almost upset that she didn't even notice I was gone. But, in the end, it was the thumbs up that I was unconsciously looking for. Now, do I feel guilt when I leave the house? Yep. A little. Not going to lie. But I do it anyways. As soon as I'm in the car, I've forgotten about the guilt (or else the music blasting in my ears prevents me from focusing on it :p) and I'm back to "old Jenny" again, just for a little while.

I wouldn't say "the guilt" is the hardest part of being a Mom - more than likely the worry, or no sleep or not having a clue what's wrong when somethings wrong crap. But, for J-Lo who probably has a baby whisperer on staff, nannies, etc. I can understand how this would be her biggest challenge... and, frankly, I find it funny how we're all the same, even though we aren't. Who knew I had more in common with J-Lo than my name and the fact that I'm world famous for my insanely fabulous booty. tee hee hee.

Happy Monday!

PS - Didn't get that giveaway post up last night (completely forgot) - it's below! :) And don't forget to submit your Ask Me Anything questions. I'll be answering any and every thing this Friday!

post signature


Cara Mamma said...

I am with you about the guilt. For me it was when I went back to work...the random days that I had a meeting that let out early or for some reason had extra time on my hands before picking my daughter up...I did not know what to do with myself. I can officially say that 5 years later, I have gotten over that brand of guilt...but I feel other pangs daily!

Gillian Behnke said...

I can totally relate, but no matter how hard I keep wishing for it, laundry just won't do itself!

I've just given you the Sunshine Award on my blog. Come check it out!

Krista said...

Thank you for posting this. My daughter is one month old today (I can't believe she's already that old!) and I have only left without her once, for my sister's birthday dinner. I spent the entire 2 1/2 hours texting my husband and looking at her pictures on my cell phone! I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in these feelings and that it gets better!

**** April **** said...

Oh trust me, the guilt from going back to work sucks because you realize you'll miss 9 hours and many of their "firsts" while theyh're there.... I cried and cried and cried when I went back to work after my first and SWORE that if I ever had another one... NO WORK until they're in school FULL TIME! I've got 3 now... and the youngest is a little over 5 weeks old so home I am. :)