I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes trying to pick my brain for something to talk about today. This is the problem of suffering with mommy brain and trying to carry on a "conversation" that's supposed to be somewhat entertaining or educational on a regular basis.
Then I checked out the Globe and Mail parenting section for inspiration and thought the headlines could make for some funny commentary. So here it is - a review of the latest in parenting headlines...
"Obese children more likely to be bullies: study" - OK, I'm not saying that all obese children are bullies. But have these people ever seen a movie from the 80's?
"Don't take what your kids say so personally" - Do we really need to read an article on this? Were none of us hormonal teenagers who screeched "I HATE YOU" before the sound of our slamming door reverberated throughout the entire neighbourhood? Is reverberated a word? Is it the right word? I remember telling my mother on multiple occasions that I was going to call Kids Help Phone on her... only to have her respond "go for it. no ones going to believe you anyways". HA! I don't think Mom took anything personally. What's with parents these days?
"Unnatural selection: Is evolving reproductive technology ushering in a new age of eugenics?" - I don't know what that means.
"Don't wait too long to get pregnant, obstetric society tells women" - Is this new? Why do people persist on studying things that are already known. I heard of a recent study where the key finding was that the reason people dropped friends on Facebook was because they said something to offend them. Really? Lets study whether people believe the sky is blue on a sunny day! I wonder what the findings would say??? Who funds this crap? We don't have a cure for cancer but we're funding studies about Facebook friends???
"Is extreme exercise ok during pregnancy" - What crazy person wants to exercise extremely during pregnancy. Send me her email. I'll do a study. I bet the findings will be that she's freakin' nuts.
"High dose of caffeine is safe and effective for preemies, study finds" - Does this mean I should start drinking more coffee now? :p
"The weird and wonderful world of celebrity baby names" - Apple, Moses, Blue, Bronx, Kyd, Bear, Moraccan, Blanket... Sometimes I wonder if celebrities are so obsessed with being on the front page that they make these names up so that people talk about it for like three days straight (God, I thought the Beyonce crap would never end) but in reality they named their kids Bob and Mary.
"Dirty parenting secret: I bribe my kid with candy" - This is not a secret, this is a survival instinct. "Sometimes I pretend I have to use the bathroom so I can read a magazine by myself" - that's a dirty parenting secret.
"Dirty parenting secret: I drugged our kid for a flight" - No idea what this person is talking about. We gave Jane Benadryl once before a flight but she clearly indicated she was having an allergic reaction and should be treated immediately with antihistamines... :p
"HPV vaccine could deter safe sex, study finds" - When I was a teenager, safe sex meant doing it when your parents weren't home (sorry Dad, I love you).
"The best defense against bullying" - Ah, this I am interested in... being that the other day, at an indoor playground, this stupid little boy hit Jane in the face for no reason. So, we're headed back to the playground again this past weekend and Jane says to me "No one hit me". My response? "No baby, no one hit you. If anyone hits you, Mommy will beat them up". HA. Seriously. Usually I tell her "you tell mommy if someone hits you" but, you know what, in truth I want to tell her "you hit them harder, then you come tell mommy".
"I moved my kid to the class all her friends weren't in" - see above story on "Don't take what your kids say so personally" and reverse it. You kid probably does hate you.
"We're raising four kids in a two kid world" - Who's "we". I don't know anyone who has four kids.
Hmmm... that was kind of fun. Maybe I'll make this a regular thing. Thoughts? Funny or boring? I had fun and, being that I tend to be selfish and grumpy when I'm pregnant, I'm going to vote it a funny and do it again. :p
Happy Hump Day!