Jul 25, 2012

things to do when you might be in labour...

Here's my - apparent - list of things to do when you think you MIGHT be in labour...

(1) Lie in bed for 2 hours convincing yourself that, even though you are having "cramps" and generally feel like things are happening, you're not in labour.

(2) Clean your floors. By hand. With multiple Clorox wipes.

(3) Clean your appliances.

(4) Don't sit down. No matter what. Don't relax. No matter what. Unless you are OK with risking "false labour". Which. I. Am. Not. I would be out for a walk right now but we're having a thunder and lightning storm and I'm not putting "get struck by lightning" on my list.

(5) Do work on laptop, while STANDING at breakfast bar.

(6) Clean bathroom.

(7) Sweep stairs.

(8) Don't wake up hubby. What's the point of you both being exhausted? Wait until absolutely necessary.

(9) Get a shower, wash your hair, shave your legs, etc. NO BATHS. Every person I spoke with recently who experienced "false labour" did one of the following - sat down, relaxed, got a bath, tried to sleep, etc. If you enjoy false hope, pain without results, etc. fill your boots. I'm not saying that I'm no experiencing false labour, I'm just saying that I'm not doing anything that would calm things down.

(10) Collect the things you didn't put in your labour bag because you needed them NOT to be in your trunk for 3 weeks.

(11) Text your sister knowing full-well she's likely sleeping with her phone next to her, waiting for your call and that, despite your "pretend attempt" to not wake her up, she'll respond immediately. She doesn't need sleep, she's a mom. :p

(12) Start timing contractions.... thankfully, there's an app for that... http://www.thebump.com/calculators/contraction.aspx

(13) Write a blog post about what you've been doing for the last 3.5 hours - still standing.

(14) Paint your nails.

(15) Check Facebook 400 times, even though there's no one else in the world awake right now except very few who are only awake because they are posting inappropriate "mobile uploads"...

(16) Sweat your brains out. Holy crap. It's only 22 degrees in my kitchen right now and you'd think I was in the desert. ARGH!

(17) Eat. I just realized I haven't eaten in the 4.5 hours since I've been awake and now have the spits because I feel like I'm going to barf.

That's it. I could keep going but, I'm praying-begging-hoping that the list will eventually turn into the "things I'm doing DURING labour" list.

It's currently 5:47am. Everyone else is still sleeping - only a MAN could go back to sleep after you tell him you're in labour and to "go back to sleep"... isn't that envious? A woman would have too much on her mind - e.g. my sister, who texted me a bazillion times with ideas to prevent false labour. Dan. Back to sleep, no problem. I called my Mom at 3:30am her time, and I know my Mom, she's totally awake right now. Thankfully, she was flying in at 7am anyways in prep for baby's arrival so that works out pretty well if this is the real-deal.

My mission is to make it so that Dan and I can still drop Jane off at daycare this AM, perhaps on our way to the hospital to get checked out. So far it's looking good. I should not have said that. I'm seriously so superstitious at this point that I'm convinced (1) I'm going to have false labour and (2) If I'm not, I'm going to sit around so long, trying to control everything that I'll have this baby on the kitchen floor. :p

Keep ya posted. PRAYING-HOPING-BEGGING your next update is something along the lines of 8lbs, 2 oz, 21 inches, 3:20pm, July 25th. F. Just cursed myself big time. CRAP. Already out there. Nothing I can do to take it back. ARGH!

2 comments:

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Yes definitely agree with you only a man can go back to sleep like hey I don't understand the pain you are going through, I often walk and prepare my kits and things that will be needed at the hospital and at home, since I cant rely on my hubby to do household chores I see to it everything is in place and when its time to finally go to the hospital I just woke him and ask him to drive me there, boys will be boys I guess