16 weeks pregnant

Finally, past the 15 week mark... it was the week that went on forever! WHY? WHY ON EARTH do I want to rush this pregnancy? I'm crazy! The other night, I'm getting ready for bed. Jane's asleep. I'm getting in the bath. Ahhhh... the end of the day. And it hits me. In 5 months, there will be NO END TO THE DAY! There will only be the beginning of the night! What was I thinking?!?! 


Here's what's apparently going on inside me this week... 


What's the baby up to?


Your baby is now about the size of an avocado (about 5 inches and weighing approximately 4 ounces / 100 grams). In the next three weeks he'll go through a tremendous growth spurt, doubling his weight and adding inches to his length. This is both awesome and scary.  I've been eating like a horse and shocked when I get on the scale that I'm not packing on the pounds... how much you wanna bet it catches up with me like NOW! :p tee hee hee. Although, I am looking forward to "looking" pregnant. Right now, I think people are probably not even looking twice at me and, if anything, are assuming I have that super sexy, leftover, mommy-belly that I didn't have pre-pregnancy but, trust me, I've pretty well come to terms with it that mommy-belly is in my post-two-babies future. I'll wear it with pride, I promise. :p Urgh... shut up. I said I'd wear it with pride, I didn't say I wouldn't go down fighting (and whining). 

In or out of the womb, babies are playful creatures. Yours may already have discovered his first toy -- the umbilical cord -- which he'll enjoy pulling and grabbing. Sometimes he may even clutch it so tight that less oxygen gets through, but don't worry -- he doesn't hold onto it long enough to harm himself. Oh fantastic... my baby's already getting mixed up in choking games. Next you're going to tell me he's popping prescription pills in there too...The circulatory system and urinary tract are in full working order, and he's inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid through his lungs. Ok, my mom calls it a "miracle"... but personally, the fact that a baby is created and grows inside you while breathing in fluid and playing games with his body parts is extremely strange, alien and a little creepy! Maybe "miracle" sounds better... 


Sometimes, when you move suddenly, you may a feel a slight pain in your sides. Ligaments on each side of your uterus and pelvic walls are stretching (among other things, like my ass) as your baby grows. It's normal to feel some pain, but if it continues for a few days or escalates, talk to your midwife. What is a midwife and why do they call them "mid-wives"? To me a mid-wife is what a 50 year old hideously unattractive american politician picks up on the internet and then denies until it comes out he's had two kids with her and has spent tax-payer money on her condo in downtown manhattan...


How my life is apparently changing...


You've probably gained at least 2.2kg/5 lb by now, maybe as much as 4.5 kg/10 lb. I'm pretty sure I've abused my scale into submission to the point that it now lies to me and avoids showing me the truth. Seriously. Cause I've been eating less than ideally since Sunday's superbowl stress and either one of two things is happening (1) my scale is lying or (2) my body is in shock and any moment is going to blow up by 500 lbs like that annoying blueberry chick in charlie and the chocolate factory. 

Many couples worry about what labour will be like and how they'll cope as new parents -- it's all perfectly normal. Try chatting with couples with children about how they felt at this stage and read up on what happens in labour. It may help to read some birth stories so you know what to expect and to visit ourBabyCenter Canada First time parents group to find out what their babies are up to now. Ah. No. It may help to pretend your oblivious and not learn ANYTHING about what's about to happen to your body. Because you can read all the crap you want to and NOTHING will prepare you for labour and there's no such thing as a "normal" labour AND, fact is, you're screwed anyways because the baby is very likely coming out of your vagina. What crazy person wants to watch the car crash before it crashes??? If I were to write this paragraph for babycentre.ca, I'd write... Now may be a good time to cease all conversations and contact with any of your friends who have had children. Try your hardest to avoid any prenatal classes or youtube videos that are intended to educate you on what labour is like and what your body will go through. The most important thing to remember in the labour room is NO!!! you do NOT want to see what's going on with a mirror. 

It's a good time to arrange a last minute vacation if you can spare the time and money. Travelling in the middle trimester is often recommended because you are usually over the early pregnancy feelings of nausea and fatigue and still not too far advanced for size or premature labour to be a problem. Don't talk to me. Any of you who have the spare money to go on a vacation right now, suck. I have not a bone in my body that is happy for you - they are all envious. :p In fact, I'd spare the debt to go on vacation right now but my husband sucks and can't take time off work until end of April. Yeah. Sounds dreamy.  Seven months pregnant. Spring/Summer. Florida. I'd be a swollen, fat, uncomfortable, rash-ridden, mess. "Jane, you and Daddy go walk for five hours around disney world, mommy's going to stay in the hotel room where it's air conditioned and her feet won't swell to size fourteen..." Best. Vacation. Ever...